Mother-in-Law: the final chapter

And then it happened. We were in Italy and on New Year's day Mike got the call that MIL had been brought to hospital with (yet another) infection. She was unresponsive like every other time she went to hospital with an infection. We didn't think too much of it, this has been a regular occurrence certainly for the last 2 years, who would have thought...on Jan the 2nd Mike got a missed called on his phone from the hospital, he tried calling back but never managed to be connected. He called his sister and she told him that they were called to the hospital because MIL's blood pressure was very very low and they thought she may not have long to live. By the time the got there though, the pressure had picked up and it was no longer so critical. She was on IV antibiotics and the doctors said they were going to treat her for 5 days and reassess the situation. I asked Mike if he wanted to go home, we could find a flight etc, but no, he didn't think it was necessary. So we waited and every day there was no news. On the 5th Mike's sister called him to let him know that the doctors told the family there was nothing more they could do, they were suspending all treatments and upping the opioids to keep her comfortable in her final days. They thought it could have been a week, maybe more. This was the toughest moment for Mike, it was real, his mom was dying and this was it. We were scheduled to fly home on the 6th and Mike didn't want to rush home earlier, nothing he could do and MIL was unconscious anyway. Unfortunately she passed away on the 6th early afternoon. Her twin sister from California arrived on time the morning of the 6th so she was there which was nice. For us it has been rough. Flying home on the 6th, very very late (we were in bed at around 2am) and got up and ready to drive down to Mike's parents on the 7th, children very wired up with all the changes etc. But then we were there, I mentioned before about the Irish funerals, they are something else. It was so so nice to see so many friends of Mike driving over 200km to pay their respect on Wednesday night (they had the wake at the house) and driving back later on in an appalling weather. The funeral was on Thursday and it was a lovely ceremony (the little I saw due to Martina not really cooperating). And so now we move on and stay close together knowing how quickly things can change. And you are never ready, even when it was so long coming.


Our last memories of her are beautiful which is so nice. Mike and Martina went to them for Christmas, I had cooked homemade lasagne and they loved them. I stayed home with Oliver who was sick and in fact started antibiotics on Christmas day. I would never have forgiven myself if we had all gone down and she got sick afterwards. MIL phoned me on Stephen's day to thank me about the lasagne and how delicious they were, I told her we were all going to visit them early January as soon as we were back from Italy. And we did, only she was no longer with us. Everyone is putting on a brave face you know? Nobody cried or was upset, everyone knew she had no quality of life at all an at least she is no longer suffering etc. But still. I wrote many times about how inspiring she was and how dignified she was. I will keep her alive in our hearts and talk often about her to the children. they won't remember her I know but at least they will know of her through our own memories.


May 2015 be happier from now on.

30 weeks

Flying by, just flying by!

All is well, I put on a bit of weight in the last two weeks, so I'm plus 11kg bohooo but I noticed my hands are a bit more swollen so that will definitely contribute. I also checked the heartbeat a couple of days ago (just because I can! ehehe) and it was 136 bpm so totally normal. Not sure you remembered that I was worried it would have steadily decreased as they baby got bigger, but it's just his average it seems!

Movements are very regular, Phoenix has been transverse till yesterday so I could feel movements mostly low down and very funnily on my sides with a distinct tickling feeling. I have the occasional BH specially if I walk a bit or do the stairs, but nothing out of the ordinary. For the last couple of days Oliver has been really attracted by the belly and spontaneously would give it kisses! So sweet! Or if we both sitting on the couch he would keep his han on my belly. Bless him. We went visiting neighbours who have just had their third baby boy and Oliver was very gentle with him even if I was holding him. Hopefully he'll be happy when this one arrives and will be in the house.

Oliver's room has arrived, I will have a post dedicated to it shortly. He loves it!! But we still need to get a bed guard so for the moment Oliver thinks it's the best play ground ever and has not slept there yet (maybe tomorrow, I'm thinking to let him fall asleep in the usual bed and carry him in the new one then...). We also had the electrician in doing some prep work for the kitchen which is great and Mike is chasing the kitchen people to make sure they are working on our order.

Work is still very busy though this week at least there were no labs and a colleague of mine decided he had to do 3 weeks of lecturing now rather than later...so I'm only doing two courses instead than three which is definitely much better. The downside is that I would have had it all done within the next two weeks and now I have to do some more after that. But ah well, I'll do what I can.

Mike's aunt from Cali will be staying with us for a night or two early next week before flying back to much better weather. She did make the funeral and I mentioned before that Irish funerals are something else. The service was lovely, the priest grew up with Mike's cousin so every word was heartfelt. Oliver was also very well behaved and managed to stay quiet for most of the mass (then Mike took him outside to let him run around a bit).
And I think this is all for now, I know most of you posted on Valentine's day, but we don't celebrate that day much (me and Mike I mean) so I didn't have anything particularly interesting to say! We did enjoy a box of chocolate and a movie though, since the recession we say here that "staying in" is the new "going out" so we certainly did follow the trend for once.

Love to all.

29 weeks (-1!) OB appointment

Happy to report that Phoenix is growing nicely and all looks perfect! I quickly looked at the dates appearing as Dr. W. was taking the head circumference and the abdominal one and both were in around 28 weeks which is completely within error and more importantly much bigger than the last time.
Dr. W mentioned again VBAC to which I'm completely open and of course we will keep a close eye on growth, fluids and placenta (so far all perfect) just in case we have to intervene a bit sooner.
My next appointment is in 2 weeks time!

Major progress on the house front too: next thursday the big boy bedroom is going to be fitted, we have the room painted and curtains are up! We have not really worked at selling our two futons currently in the room but ah well, we'll move them in the attic for now. Then on the same day we are also having an electrician doing a few modifications in preparation of the counter-top extension in kitchen (and added units), and some other bits and pieces. The kitchen people are on the move to assemble our cabinets and Mike was fantastic at sourcing a granite top that is very very similar to the one we have. This should all be ready in 2-3 weeks! Will of course post pics of before and after.

Oliver is well, we have canines coming through at the top but he's been doing very well (no molars yet). Sleeping is good and when the new bedroom arrives we'll give another go at sleeping without sides.

I'm half way through my teaching and it feels great, I can see the end!

On a sad news, Mike's first cousin died suddenly and we have the funeral on saturday...I never met him (I think) but I know I'll be very very emotional at seeing the grief of his parents and family. Mike's aunt from the States flew in this morning, and she was so so close to them it's going to be heartbreaking. We don't quite know what happened yet, if it was a stroke or a heart attack or a true accident (he fell in the bathroom) but as he was only a few years older than Mike it is really shocking.

Ok, better leave it at that for now, thank you for your continuous support and gentle hugs!

Back from holidays

Hellooooo! I've been off the blogland for over a week, sorry for the lack of commenting, I'll make up for it!

So we have been in Italy and the weather was great. So was the food and the daily ice-creams...Oliver loves it thereso much time outside, so many things to see and so many people to entertain him every minute of the day. Thing is, it takes a couple of days to settle in and then it's almost time to go back home... Flying is no problem, I seem to do worse than him on descend, my left ear is killing me! We had the plan to move him into his room as we returned home but a series of things happened.

First. There was was death in Mike's family and we were supposed to travel to the South-West yesterday having been back in Dublin on Wednesday.

Second. Oliver got his four months vaccinations on Thursday and it was hell. My always sweet and smiley baby turned into this inconsolable, unhappy, unrecognisable being. For two days solid. I think I cried almost as much as I had no idea what was wrong and what to do. He had no temperature, but was off his food, throwing up a good bit and crying for what felt like forever before falling asleep exhausted. Only to start it all over again when he woke up. I gave him Calpol (baby paracetamol) the night of the injections and again last night. It help immensely and I feel terrible for not giving it to him during the day, for not having called the doctor or nurseline yesterday. Today is my lovely baby again.

So Mike went on his own and I stayed at home. I managed to transform his cot into the bed (it's the Stokke system). It took me hours. Not because it was difficult but because Oliver was so so upset all day. It still is in our room, I wanted to make sure he slept well before moving it to his nursery. I am delighted to report it was a success!

I also think he's teething. He's been drooling for a while and of course he puts everything in his mouth, but then I looked at his lover gum and I saw this:

Can you see it too? It's like "fingerprints" of the lower front teeth, I never noticed them before. Maybe it's going to be a few more weeks before they appear but I feel it may have contributed to his general unhappiness...

Anyway, no more injections for two more months!

Monday

I heard on the radio that statistically, today, is the most depressing day of the year. Something to do with the third monday of January. I'm not sure if this is valid only for Ireland (I can't believe there would be many depressed people in New Zeland in the middle of the summer!) but certainly it was not an easy/good day for me.

I gave my first lecture at 9 which was no problem at all. I actually was in way ahead of time as I didn't want to take any chances with the traffic. I had a nice plan for my working day ahead and it was even sunny outside.

And then I checked my emails.

A friend of mine, from my home-town university, lost her husband over the weekend. She is only 3 years older than me and so was he. I cannot even imagine the despair and pain she must be in.
They got together in school and eventually got married probably less than ten years ago. He had suffered from leukemia when he was a teenager but overcame it with no reoccurance. She married him knowing that they will never have children and she just loved him so. Unfortunately, a part from infertility, one of the rare side effects of the drugs was to cause lung damage and he fell within that ridiculous statistic. I didn't know anything about this until I met my friend when I went to Italy in November. She told me that unfortunately her DH wasn't well and was now constantly walking around with a bottle of oxygen and in the National waiting list for a lung transplant. As his condition deteriorated before the Summer, he was bumped up the list and they were constantly waiting for the phone to ring. She was very positive and optimistic, I told her about my MIL and her kidney transplant over 20 years ago and how that did save her life and she is still doing well. I wished her all the very best and although we do not email eachother much we know we are in each other's thoughts for one reason or another (work, common friends etc.). I saw her again at Christmas, no news but still very positive and looking forward to the future.
So when I got the email from one of my colleagues in Italy my heart just sunk. Apparently he contracted pneumonia and with such a weak body there was nothing they could do.
The funeral was today. I cannot think of anything else. I wrote her a card which I'll put in the post tomorrow, but what can you say when someone's life just crashes to the ground in a million pieces?

And suddenly all that I'm doing to have a baby seems just so unnecessary.