3 months check up and "Other Insanities"!

Oliver is ging to be 3 months tomorrow!! AAwwwwhhhhh!!! So we went for our 12 weeks check (or closer to 13 weeks check!) today. He weighs 6.2 kg and is 61cm long! He's growing very well and everything looks good! His head control is very good, he's alert and smiling to anyone who smiles at him! The torticollis is improved significantly and even the flatness on the head is of no concern at all as it's minimal and will definitely resolve itself. The little belly button is also improving (there was a little hernia which is reducing spontaneously) and the paed was delighted.

I asked a few questions:

He's a very hungry baby. He would feed 210 ml (7 oz) 4 times a day and around another 150 ml in his sleep (we feed him around 11.30 pm and he doesn't really wake up). She said "Wow!". So I've been given the go ahead to start introducing some solids in 6 weeks time (recommended time would be 6 months but there's no way we get that far). Exciting times ahead! She also doesn't think the night grunting is hunger (we never pick him up, I just caress him and give him his soother) but that maybe he's picked up a bit of a habit which hopefully won't last much longer.

We had that one incident where the AngelCare alarm went off for the first warning (15 sec no movement). She said as it was a single event there's nothing to worry about, 15 sec of no movement is at the high end of normal for a baby and unless it happens a few more time she believes it's not a problem. She was great and explained all the types of apnoeas and has excluded Oliver has any of those. He's heart and lungs checked out perfectly which is reassuring.

It is ok to delay the 4 month vaccination for a couple of weeks (we are going to Italy wohoohoo!!).

In the spot where he got the vaccine the last time there is a little lump (which is already much smaller). Again totally normal, and I knew it was normal but my mom insisted I asked! So there you go.

So that's it for my little man! Next check will be at 6 months.

And I'm planning my summer holidays for 2012. California here we come!! So cyber friends out there, if you would like to meet up I'd be only delighted! We are thinking of June, 3 weeks. Details to be ironed out but it's a very real possibility. So...did I not say I wanted to have another go at ICSI in September? Still planning to do so, but to freeze and give Oliver the time he deserves with mommy and daddy all for himself.

And how am I doing on my crush on Neil Patrick Harris? Well...maybe a bit better...no posters on the wall or anything like it LOL! But still looking forward to the next episode of HIMYM (of course I've already watched all the interviews I found, bloopers, the Glee episode in which he acted and all his tweets....ok, still at the deep end...). Meanwhile I'm watching The Big Bang Theory but not enjoying it as much.

This weekend is going to be dedicated to the attic. Yeah I know...still not finished... But really, this weekend has to be the one!

Daydreaming

Do you guys remember how last year during my pregnancy I watched all the series of Grey's Anatomy back to back as I had never followed it before? It was an addiction. I think I may have posted at one point that I actually dreamt of a completely new episode! If you never had a full immersion in something like this you may not understand...but I actually felt I knew the characters and it was like a parallel life where I was living in Seattle! Anyway, that kept me away from constantly worrying about the pregnancy, but like a true addiction I couldn't stop till the last episode! And then I had withdrawal symptoms too.

Well....it happened again, I have found a new thing I had never seen before...currently in its sixth season....so a lot of episodes to watch. How I Met Your Mother. Again, how on hearth I didn't see it it's beyond me. Somehow it fits in perfectly with Oliver's schedule, episodes are only 20 mins or so, so they are great. And oh my God I sooooo love it. I've already watched all the series and so I'm up to date. A confession. I know next to zero about actors and stuff so of course, being totally taken by Barney I checked out who the actor was (I know I know...) and of course I found out he's gay, in a happy relationship and recently had twins from a surrogate mother!! How cute is that?? But it did ruin Barney for me bohooooo... There should be a rule that hot actors playing womanising roles have to be straight...who has not met a Barney in their life raise a hand. I have met at least two. Ah the young me....it was great fun. So I really enjoyed that character, of course imagining myself there too with the others. Those kind of friendships are much more common in Italy, the flirting, the group dynamics, the stories etc. Not such a thing in Ireland. I miss that a lot and there's nobody who I can even talk to about it as I know they wouldn't really understand. So of course I know it's fiction but still. Like a good book, I tend to be part of it, living it. And it's as if I'm 17 again dreaming of meeting accidentally an actor or a singer on the bus and having a conversation (which depending on the case would have evolved in different ways eh eh). Wouldn't it be nice? Because for me of course the actor equals the character. But in this case I'd really love to meet the actor too. I've the impression he's nice in real life too. So I'm following him on Twitter. Hence I'm a new Twitter user. My sister is still laughing at me. 36 going on 17.

But what the hell... a girl can dream, right?

So annoyed...

Breathing to stay calm isn't really helping. I'm in a very bad mood and although I think I may be a bit hormonal, I generally do work really hard to keep acting normal...

Here's what happened. Yesterday Mike sent me an email asking me if we could host a friend of his on Saturday night. This guy is coming to Dublin from quite far away for a night out with a group of friends or ex co-workers I'm not sure. Basically he needs a place to crash for the night before driving back home.

I'm generally extremely happy to have people over, but not this guy. First of all he smokes and I can't stand the smell of smoke at all (this was always the case but now is magnified a million times). Of course he won't smoke in the house, but the clothes bother me all the same. Second, when he's drunk (as he will be) he's out of control and I can't stand him (note that he's a very pleasant guy otherwise). Third, the last time he stayed over after a night out he stepped on the futon mattress with dirty shoes and didn't bother cleaning it even when he was sober the day after. I mean he's no teenager, he should know better. Finally we have the cats and I am not sure when he'll be coming home in the middle of the night if he can at least make sure they aren't running out the house terrified...

Anyway, I replied immediately saying that we were out for dinner so not really easy to arrange for keys. Mike said he would tell him so and see. I replied back saying that actually the idea of having this guy drunk in the house was not appealing at all. I never heard any more on the matter until Mike informed me that they arranged for the keys and he'll be staying over.

Oh ok then...I'm glad my opinion matters...

I am so distressed about this, I didn't sleep at all last night and I'm on the verge of tears constantly... If I could spend the weekend somewhere else I would. The thought of having to get up on Sunday to a stinky house is revolting and at what time will he leave? Do we have to entertain him? Can't face it, just can't.

And sixteen!

Thank you all so much for the sleeping advices! The pillow behind the back really helped a lot and I slept better. I'm going to check out the body pillow too it seems fantastic! I'll also check out magnesium supplements, my prenatal only contains the equivalent of 17% RDA, so maybe I'm a bit low?

Today marks 16 weeks and I'm so happy to report that for the first time I have NOT put on weight since last Sunday! It's as if I'm less swollen which is great so maybe I've started losing a bit of those retained fluids finally! The belly is shaping up nicely, I will post some pics when I gathered a few more together. Apparently Elvis is the size of an avocado!

One thing I always forgot to say is about baby movements. I don't think I feel them yet even though at times I have the impression I do (like a very light tapping mostly happening in the evening and if I have something pressing on my belly, like...Patches!) but I have to say the doppler has almost cancelled all my anxieties. I still look forward to my next appointment and this time I have a series of questions ready for the doctor:

1) Weight gain (am I in line with what he was expecting?)

2) Being short of breath (not always but if I walk fast or go up a flight of stairs definitely so)

3) My blood tests results

4) Possibility of an incompetent cervix and can I be checked (and the anxiety that the awareness of this condition creates for me)

5) Vaginal discharge. It has increased and I have read it's very normal, but at the same time could it be a mild yeast infection?

6) Back pain and mild abdominal cramping (I think it's all normal but rather have him say so)

7) Discuss my first trimester screening results

8) I need a certificate to apply for a maternity leave

Anything else I have forgotten?

Mike is gone to see his hurling team playing in the semifinal, they are given as strong favourite and this apparently puts them under a great deal of pressure! I'm staying at home watching the same match from the comfort of my couch with Patches and the Dude...

Basal scan and Flying Ban

I had my basal scan this morning, everything looked great. I had my favourite Doctor doing the scan so I told her about the hysteroscopy and the darn spotting for the full duration of the pill!! (I'm spotting free since yesterday though, please join me in the happy dance!) She also said it was normal and she was very sorry to hear about the scarring but that it's gone now and that Dr. B is a great doctor. So I'm starting my other drugs this evening but listen to this....NO VIAGRA!! I know I know, how disappointing!! But she said that if I had scarring tissue it could have been the cause for the slow thickening of the endometrium and that I may not need it at all. Next scan is next Monday so we'll see then. I wonder if I can return the Viagra and get a refund...

On other news, do you remember my parents flew over last Wednesday to a few days with us? Well...they arrived just before the Volcano erupted in Iceland and they are now stranded here until they lift the flight ban on Irish skies. They should have gone back today but we knew on Saturday the company had grounded all flights until lunch time today (including theirs) and yesterday they extended the ban until at least next Wednesday. So, a part from the company, we have gained a permanent maid who cooks, cleans and irons! and I became a lady of leisure...

Kitten are doing well, I'm still obsessed that Patches isn't eating much but he gained 100g in the last week and seems to be quite playful. The Dude is great as usual, really sweet and big. My parents adore them.

And the last piece of news is that Mike bought a new car on Saturday! It's his first brand new car so it's all very exciting and we can't wait until it arrives in a few weeks.

All about the kittens

Yes, we have them at home since monday and all my IF sadness seems to have magically disappeared!! I had full-on AF as it always happen after a failed cycle, headaches from hell due to quitting the steroids and yet I am so happy!

So, I don't have new pics for the moment, but I'll post definitely more soon. Patches and The Dude are settling in very well, they have started playing with each other in a very friendly/playful manner, no more hissing! And also The Dude is much less shy, still doesn't want to be picked up and would quickly "run to safety" if he thinks you are getting too close, but I'm confident it'll pass soon. Patches is very very cuddly, he starts purring before you even pet him! I can't wait to go home in the evening.

There you have it, I've turned into the mad-childless-woman who talks only about her cats!

Ahh no, I'll be posting about the attic also and the adoption and the next IF steps as soon as I have some news, so don't go away, I'll be missing you terribly!!

Tuesday

Thank you all for your kind comments, I do feel a bit better and of course you are right, although what happened to my friend is beyond devastating, we all have to make the most of life and goals while we have the chance to do so.

Anyway, this week was off to a bad start and I'm not sure it has improved yet.
My good cyber-friend Michele sent me her Fertility Buddaha. I have no words to thank her properly for her kindness. When I offered to pay for the postage she just said to make a donation to our local loss group. How amazing can she be? And the Buddha arrived yesterday. A little piece was chipped off probably during the travelling...it can certainly be fixed with a bit of glue but I was just so upset (and on top of the bad news of yesterday morning it didn't take much to upset me). I will fix it today, I'm sure it won't really be noticeable, but still...

Today I had two hours lecturing just over lunch so I didn't really eat properly, but then, my New Toy arrived! Can you imagine? After two months in the repair centre it's finally here! They have extended my guarantee for 3 more months (upon my request!) and basically changed any piece of harware you can think of. Anyway, with the laptop it came a note that stated that after changing all the parts, they had tested it for 80 hours and the BSOD never happened. Well...would you believe it...as soon as I started uploading a programme....TAC!! Blue screen...I looked around...there must be a camera hidden somewhere...this cannot be happening AGAIN!! I was on the phone within a second, spoke with the millionth person who, after all my ranting and rageing, said "Well, I suggest you reinstall the operative system" What?? It just came back!! Anyway, it's "standard procedure" so I went through the commands and things I had to do and...while I was still on the phone...blue screen! He was speechless. He just said for me to send him an email so that he could escalate the issue. To be honest, I'm not sure how more this can be escalated, I think I'm at the top of the ladder!
Anyway, I've since restarted it and so far it seems ok. I definitely think there's something wrong though. We'll see what they say in the email.

I also think AF is on her way! So hopefully by the time thursday come things will have improved a good bit on all fronts!

2010

Really? Is it already the time for my new adventure? How did it happen? Rewind....

Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all my dear friends, I've been commenting a bit on your blogs whenever my sister was letting me using her laptop, but never really had enough time to post. 

We are still on the mountains but today was the last skiing day and with freezing temperatures and two million people queuing at the lifts we decided to call it a day a bit earlier. We go back to my parents place tomorrow and fly back to Dublin on monday. I can't believe this amazing break is over already!

So I have now a bit more on the IF front to share with you. I've been on the pill for nearly a week now, no side effect like water retention this time, but it could be also due to the activity and the cold temperatures. Anyway, I can't complain. Like the last time I've started having anxiety attacts (ie hypocondriac flashes) at night, where I wake up thinking I have the worse desease you can think of. In the morning, fully rational, I'm fine. Of course I know this happens to me every time I have something important to start and to much time in my hands, but still....it sucks. I found that while I am in bed awake sick with worries, I am able to go through the very basic techniques of meditation and relax a good bit until I fall asleep again. Any suggestion on this front is very much appreciated of course.

My last pill will be in just two weeks time and the baseline scan on the 21st! Brign it on, I'm ready! Or...am I? Like the last time I find it hard to put hope and energy into the upcoming cycle and I am debating what to do if it fails...thoughts at night are grey and I am worried that my tubes where the place my embryos liked to nest and won't like my uterus at all...or that I won't repond to stims this time or that hey will get very few eggs...there surely is a point when your age plays a role and I'm thinking that in my two fresh cycles I have given to IVF a total 25 eggs (but over 40 follicles!)...that's like...over three years of normal production, plus the months that I have ovulated anyway (thankfully I seem to have very normal cycles despite IVFs). I'm guessing that my ovaries have aged at least 4 years in the last 18 months...so technically they are now much older than me!! See? This is the kind of thing that scares the shit out of me. Than the rational me puts everything in perspective during the day.

I am also very curious to find out my protocol this time. Certainly I want to make sure my progesterone support will NOT include crin.one! I don't mind the PIOs really so I'll insist on those. Different year, different months, tubeless approach, come on, I need to know I have better chances this time, I think I'll call the Favourite Doctor next week!

Last minute

The week is nearly over, our flight is tomorrow at 7.20 am and we have not bought presents yet!! AHHHGGHHH surely I used to be much more organised!

We have the presents for the niece and nephews, I know what I'll ge for Mike (a drill! very manly!) and I have a good idea about what to get for my sister. Presents for my parents will be dealt with once I get to Italy. And for the in-laws we usually bring them out for lunch at some stage in the new Year.

Now in what's left of the day, we have still to go and do a bit of shopping, pack the suitcase, going to the SIL on the other side of town and give the presents to the children. And ideally I would have wanted to submit a revised article and send off a new one. Ah well, these last two things will have to wait until January. Also my student (remember the one who had a bit of a break down a couple of months ago?) stopped by with her bound PhD thesis this morning, she'll submit it on monday! Ohhhh I definitely got a bit emotional!!

Our holidays will be full of things as usual, a part from the rush up to Christmas, with things to get and friends to visit, we'll be going back skiing on the 27th for a week! There is a lot of snow and hopefully it won't be too cold for maximum pleasure on the slopes.

I'll try to read your blogs while I'm away and comment as much as possible even if I'm not ICLW this month, but I guess my next post will be in the New Year!
I wish you all my friends and very peaceful Christmas and may the New Year bring us all what we long for. Much love, Fran

Busy busy busy

You know the way you go away for just a couple of days and you get back and things have piled up like you haven't done anything for the last month?
Exactly.

I've now done a lot of the tedious work and decided to blog a bit. The lab-madness has shifted from one student (who's now back to her good self) to another. She's also finishing up her PhD and if I have to say I'm confident she'll do well at her viva I'll be lying. A lot. Nothing to do with the quality of her work. All to do with her personality and lack of confidence and background knowledge. I'll have to consult with a colleague to see if we can do something to help her. Thankfully it won't happen before spring, I may be well pregnant by then and worried about other things!

And, would you believe it, my new superduper computer is gone back to the makers! Yeah yeah I know, if I had gone for a Mac it would have been better...ah well too late now, I just hope when they'll ship it back it'll be ok. For all the IT people out there, the problem was the "BSOD" (aka Blue Screen of Death!), not sure if it was a hardware or a software issue :o(

Finally I should meet up with the girls for the Ectopic Pregnancy support group on Saturday! Really looking forward to it now. A big hug to my friend Mad Hatter who's third IUI didn't work. If you can stop by and give her a hug.

ps: the architect will come over this evening to see the attic!! Woohooo

Brand new Fran

I have it!! I have my new toy!! Yes ladies the new computer is here and I love it....oh the pleasure of fast response to commands, the new features of the OS...no no it's not a Mac, that's what my sis has but I chickened out and bought another Win based laptop! And being a gadget addict I have spend hours with it already...

And sure being in Italy just forced me to by new clothes and shoes! They sell them in Dublin too of course, but...ah well, you just cannot compare them!

Everyone here is well and altough I'll fly back tomorrow, I have another work committment here early in December, so...ah well, I'll just have to come back again, poor me... :o) but next time Mike will probably not come so travelling will be a bit less fun.

And the food. Oh yes, it's the chestnuts season and I nearly ODeed on them!

What can I do to have Ireland importing them regularly? How is it that they don't have them? You should see the stuff they sell, apples imported from New Zeland... pears from South Africa...oranges from Brazil....come on, keep at least normal fruit local and bring in the chestnuts from mainland Europe! Am I asking too much?

Lots going on

I'm really bad at posting at the moment! I'm so deeply engaging with bloggers going through cycles that I forget to update my own.

I have everything crossed for all of you my friends, I can't wait to hear your good news and even more to confirm the good news which cautious IFers are not able to fully enjoy just yet.

So I have no updates on the attic project because the architect hasn't called back yet, and the only other thing going on at the moment is work. I went back into the lab myself to do a bit and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed hands-on-research. I have to try and do it more. I've nearly finished teaching for this semester and the next one will be quite a lot more demanding, but I won't be thinking about it just yet! My PhD students are all doing well, no drama at present, let's hope it'll last.

And on friday we're flying to Italy for a quick weekend, I'm meeting some colleagues at my former University and most importantly...I'm picking up my super laptop!! No...I didn't convert to the cute Mac...I didn't have the courage, but I can't wait to put my hands on the new toy that's waiting for me there! My next blogpost will be from there :o)
Also I asked specifically my mum to buy loads of chestnuts....I love them roasted and you just cannot find them in Ireland....and then I'll go out with my friends for some delicious hot chocolate...mmmmhhh can't wait! Mike on the other hand is very happy that he can watch the Ireland-France World Cup match with my dad. Every one's happy!

Moving on

Thank you so much for the comments on my last post. We were away last weekend and I had the opportunity of talking to a good friend of mine who's a clinical psycologist (and I think she's pregnant!! see later) about my student and she agreed with you all that she needs to see a doctor very soon. So I talked to my student this morning again, she feels much better, appears to be the usual lovely girl I got to appreciated so much during the years and although she has not gone to the doctor yet I made her promise that as soon as she feels things are changing again she'll go. And I'll have her under very strict surveillance!

So as I was saying we went to visit friends in the countryside last weekend. We have two couples of very close friends who are even closer among themselves. T is Mike's best friend and A, his wife, is a fantastic girl and a very good friend of ours. They know all about our IF and have been amazingly supportive (during my FET last April we went at their wedding carrying the penguins!). C and D are the other couple, they have a baby who's 18 months or so and absolutely adorable. A and C are both clinical psycologists and they have been great help during the dark days. C is pregnant again and I so much appreciated that she called and told me very early on (she is 10 weeks), she said it was difficult but also she knew it would have been disrespectful of me actually not telling me. And I was truly happy for them. This was last week news.
And then we went to T and A for the weekend. I had the immediate impression she was pregnant too. They didn't say though, so it may be just very early, but I knew. You know the classic things like she's not even tasting the wine (and he's not even offering it to her, very unusual!!) and being a bit more tired than usual. Yet we went for a nice walk up the hills and did a lot of gardening. So Mike doesn't think she is. I bet we'll get the official news in a month or so.

We'll be the only childless couple left. I admit, this had an impact on me that I probably understimated a bit. I felt sad at the idea, out of the circle so to speak. I'm afraid they won't call us anymore, maybe just out of consideration that it may hurt us being around their children, their happiness. Which we don't have.
And I got my period on friday night, right on time which was great, but somehow brought back the feelings of fear that I had when I was bleeding due to the ectopic. God....I'll be absolutely terrified if I'll get pregnant again. Not sure what to do about it.
I called the clinic today and I'm waiting for a call back. Ideally I don't want anyone IRL to know about this, I know everyone is just trying to be supportive, but the stress of keeping real people up-to-date for me is a lot right now. We'll see. Hopefully they can schedule us for January/February, I want to be on the pill for as short as possible.

And I know I haven't updated on the attic conversion yet, but i promise it's on my list of things to do!

Here's to rambling!

Well, so if you are really really sure I can ramble on I'll do it!! Thank you so much for the comments girls, we'll see how it goes with some normal posts then.

Work is really busy at the moment, you see, although exams only happen in December, staff have to submit exam questions in early October (4 weeks into term!) for the external examiners to review them and come back with comments. This system is ridiculous of course (how can someone in a different Country appreciate the type of questions you prepare and judge if they are appropriate without knowing the content of the module??) but it has to be done. And so we rush. Rush to prepare exam questions even before you'll know what you will teach during the semester, rush to comment on the external examiner comments, correct your questions (here is not like in the States, students must be given options within a question so that they can pass knowing 40% of the contents...ridiculous), rush them to the secretaries for printing and then rush some more when your colleagues do not stick to the deadlines and you look bad too. Ah well that's done now.
But the most demanding thing now is my research group. I have a 7 PhD students at various stages and 2 Post Docs. 3 of the students are finishing up and have started writing their thesis and one of them is having a nervous break down. Seriously. She is such a bright student, so mature for her age and in a day she turned into Satan. Still seriously. She wasn't herself, she was very aggressive with me (the boss!!!) and absolutely out of control. Believe you me girls, I actually didn't know what to do. After a few days she improved a bit and I waited a few more days and then talked to her. The poor thing was in tears every few words, she's worried she's in fact breaking down, she can't sleep, can't work or not work, she realises there's something wrong with her and doesn't know what to do. Needless to say I'm very worried for her. She's been my first student and it's like a daughter (now....I'm not that old!! and she's not young enough to be my daughter, but you know what I mean), she'll be going to the UK for a post doc, and she'll be alone over there. I tried to be very supportive, she was so apologetic and so on. I mean...I cannot go and phone her mum up can I? I'll keep a close eye on her though, hopefully she'll ake the advice of going to see a doctor soon.

Tomorrow I'll upate on the house!