Small steps towards California

I want to tell you a bit more about my intention of spending some time in California.
So when I went there  two years ago, I absolutely loved it. Not only I loved the food and the weather but I loved the variety of things that can be done and I know we just scratch the surface.
In my area of research, the top scientists and major biotech companies are in California. So back then I started playing with the idea that it would be so fantastic to spend some time in some lab over there, even a company would have been great, but I know that being an academic that would be highly unlikely. Then all plans (which were purely in my head at that point) were stalled with the FET and Martina's pregnancy. Once Martina was born I returned to work after mat leave and it really took me a while to get back into the swing of things, I have a research group on top of teaching and you know, it's not like scientific ideas grow on trees, if you are quite distracted with family life, something gotta give. And I knew if I wanted to feel inspired again I had to start going to conferences and scientific meetings so I did (in moderation of course as family is in any case my number one priority).
This last meeting in Rhode Island, like two years ago is the creme de la creme. The philosophy is that everyone is basically campus bound and conversations are easy to start and everyone there works in the same field. There are many companies and researcher and the very best scientists in the field (the kind that make you realise how small of a fish you are!) and I know I'm nowhere near that level but if I could at least breathe the same air it would do me a world of good on many different levels.
When I came back I tentatively mentioned it to Mike, perhaps expecting a sort of a cold response, but he didn't! He was immediately enthusiastic about the idea and we had to verify a few things. First we needed to make sure that he could apply for an unpaid leave of absence and get back to his job an salary (check!) and that I could on the other hand keep my salary or it would have been a serious problem (check!!). Mike was so on board that he even said "maybe I can also do some work in some lab.." wow!! I immediately emailed the colleague in Davis and I mean, who wouldn't want a very experience, hands on post doc for free? He got back within minutes saying his colleagues would be fighting over him, no question! Apparently Davis is extremely family oriented and if Mike works then we have to look into childcare, but should not be a major issue. I would hope that my parents will spend maybe even a month there and could help. Renting somewhere should also be very very easy, I'm assuming renting a car should be doable too. We will have to house Carlito (our cat) but again it should not be a major problem.
So there you have it, tomorrow I will initiate discussion on a potential project to develop and will try to apply for funding too (every little helps!)
All this excitement makes me feel over the moon and very relaxed too, long may it last!

Ps: Kd if you read, send me an email, I have no way of contacting you as I can't find an email in your profile!!

Ah the dreams...

Surely this must be yet again another normal thing. Dreaming to bleed and spot one night and dreaming a full on miscarriage a couple of nights later. And oh my God the details are gruesome! I'll spare you my readers.

I remember I had a similar dream when pregnant with Oliver but nothing really happened (I did have one episode of odd spotting at 8 weeks). With this pregnancy, while I am definitely much more zen, the spotting does happen and does bother me. Now I'm tracking it when it happens. It seems to be about once a week, or let me say better, it was a week since it had happened last. Yesterday evening, another tinge in the TP. I'm talking always brown for now and just one streak in the otherwise normal mucus. So I try not to worry, but of course the trips to the loo carry some anxiety. Add the dreams and you have created an obsessive compulsive toilet paper checker.
Again I know very well that I can't do anything one way or another, I'm just willing the time to pass quickly till tuesday for the proper viability scan. Early miscarriages are common of course and very often due to some genetic issue of the embryo, so should this happen I would think it's Nature doing its job. Now...shall I really wish to add yet another drama to our family making? Hell no! But it can still happen and I need to be prepared. Not thinking it will happen, but just ready in case it does.

And you know, I want to end on a good thing, my perky boobs are back! Hello girls! Where have you been? Hopefully we'll be given the all clear for some action, my mood is definitely right!

15 weeks and crazy week

Oliver is 15 weeks today! I was thinking lately when I was counting pregnancy weeks. It definitely didn't seem this fast! He is doing very well, we are quite good at sticking to a sleeping routine: he has a nap in the morning (generally in the pram when we are out for our walk) then I'll put him in his crib around 1.30-2pm and he can sleep between 30 mins and 2 hours. Sometimes he has another snooze around 7pm then wakes up for the last feed (between 8 and 9pm) and then back to bed for the night afterwards. In the past week we never had to do the 11pm feed, we lowered the proportion of the low lactose formula and increased the hungry babies one and he's much more satisfied. Hopefully we'll be able to delay solids of any kind for another couple of weeks as recommended. I'm really happy about this. We have also changed the teats in the bottle with a those with a bit faster flow and he seems much happier.

So my last post was on Monday and all was well.

Tuesday started very well. I got awarded grant for a project and let me tell you, these days it ain't easy. Then we got a text that MIL was rushed to hospital as she was unresponsive. I have not updated much on her situation, but after the first amputation back in November they had to operate again in February above the knee as the wound wasn't healing properly. Since then, she was moved to a rehab place (one and half hour drive from Dublin) to start physio. We went visiting her on Sunday and I didn't think she was well. She seemed very frail and weak. But happy to see us and Oliver of course, we went out for coffee and it was a nice afternoon. So the text shocked us no end. The news seemed to be that she had a stroke, probably a very mild one, and when she came round she had no speech issues and only the left arm felt a bit limp and sore. Anyway, she was sent back to the rehab place like nothing happened. I can't say enough how bad small hospitals can be...

On top of this, we had a family of four for dinner. I had prepared pizza since the day before, it was a great evening, but I was wrecked afterwards. We got our video camera and already started filming Oliver (clip will be posted in the near future!).

Wednesday The car seat arrived and Mike fitted it in his car. We went to college together and I had something like 3 meetings (while officially on maternity leave of course). Came home and headed straight to a residents' meeting. Back home around 9.30pm. Quick dinner and straight to bed.

Thursday morning was fine, Oliver and I went for a nice walk in the park and got back home at lunch time. At 2 pm the builders arrived to do work on the attic floor. Oliver didn't sleep at all and by the time they left he was in a mess. Crying, unsettled, tired but couldn't sleep...the works. At 7pm some relatives came to visit. They staid till over 9 pm. Let me just say it didn't help matters. Plus, my period showed up unexpected (24 days since the last time).

Friday I woke up after dreaming I was dead. Seriously. Can you imagine anything more depressing? But it turned out to be quite a good day. Oliver was back to is placid self, I got a lot done, The Ultimate Vet Hero came over for lunch (Patches has an ulcer in his eye, just to add to his load) and told me she'll be moving back to Cali in November. So so sad, I'll miss her a lot, I didn't think she was going to go so soon. But it means we'll definitely go visiting her in Summer 2012. On the other hand, I doubt we'll find another Vet Hero for Patches, let's hope I've learnt enough to keep him alive and well! Then our high-chair arrived wohoo!

And now it's Saturday. Let's recharge the batteries and hoping for a calmer week!

3 months check up and "Other Insanities"!

Oliver is ging to be 3 months tomorrow!! AAwwwwhhhhh!!! So we went for our 12 weeks check (or closer to 13 weeks check!) today. He weighs 6.2 kg and is 61cm long! He's growing very well and everything looks good! His head control is very good, he's alert and smiling to anyone who smiles at him! The torticollis is improved significantly and even the flatness on the head is of no concern at all as it's minimal and will definitely resolve itself. The little belly button is also improving (there was a little hernia which is reducing spontaneously) and the paed was delighted.

I asked a few questions:

He's a very hungry baby. He would feed 210 ml (7 oz) 4 times a day and around another 150 ml in his sleep (we feed him around 11.30 pm and he doesn't really wake up). She said "Wow!". So I've been given the go ahead to start introducing some solids in 6 weeks time (recommended time would be 6 months but there's no way we get that far). Exciting times ahead! She also doesn't think the night grunting is hunger (we never pick him up, I just caress him and give him his soother) but that maybe he's picked up a bit of a habit which hopefully won't last much longer.

We had that one incident where the AngelCare alarm went off for the first warning (15 sec no movement). She said as it was a single event there's nothing to worry about, 15 sec of no movement is at the high end of normal for a baby and unless it happens a few more time she believes it's not a problem. She was great and explained all the types of apnoeas and has excluded Oliver has any of those. He's heart and lungs checked out perfectly which is reassuring.

It is ok to delay the 4 month vaccination for a couple of weeks (we are going to Italy wohoohoo!!).

In the spot where he got the vaccine the last time there is a little lump (which is already much smaller). Again totally normal, and I knew it was normal but my mom insisted I asked! So there you go.

So that's it for my little man! Next check will be at 6 months.

And I'm planning my summer holidays for 2012. California here we come!! So cyber friends out there, if you would like to meet up I'd be only delighted! We are thinking of June, 3 weeks. Details to be ironed out but it's a very real possibility. So...did I not say I wanted to have another go at ICSI in September? Still planning to do so, but to freeze and give Oliver the time he deserves with mommy and daddy all for himself.

And how am I doing on my crush on Neil Patrick Harris? Well...maybe a bit better...no posters on the wall or anything like it LOL! But still looking forward to the next episode of HIMYM (of course I've already watched all the interviews I found, bloopers, the Glee episode in which he acted and all his tweets....ok, still at the deep end...). Meanwhile I'm watching The Big Bang Theory but not enjoying it as much.

This weekend is going to be dedicated to the attic. Yeah I know...still not finished... But really, this weekend has to be the one!

Daydreaming

Do you guys remember how last year during my pregnancy I watched all the series of Grey's Anatomy back to back as I had never followed it before? It was an addiction. I think I may have posted at one point that I actually dreamt of a completely new episode! If you never had a full immersion in something like this you may not understand...but I actually felt I knew the characters and it was like a parallel life where I was living in Seattle! Anyway, that kept me away from constantly worrying about the pregnancy, but like a true addiction I couldn't stop till the last episode! And then I had withdrawal symptoms too.

Well....it happened again, I have found a new thing I had never seen before...currently in its sixth season....so a lot of episodes to watch. How I Met Your Mother. Again, how on hearth I didn't see it it's beyond me. Somehow it fits in perfectly with Oliver's schedule, episodes are only 20 mins or so, so they are great. And oh my God I sooooo love it. I've already watched all the series and so I'm up to date. A confession. I know next to zero about actors and stuff so of course, being totally taken by Barney I checked out who the actor was (I know I know...) and of course I found out he's gay, in a happy relationship and recently had twins from a surrogate mother!! How cute is that?? But it did ruin Barney for me bohooooo... There should be a rule that hot actors playing womanising roles have to be straight...who has not met a Barney in their life raise a hand. I have met at least two. Ah the young me....it was great fun. So I really enjoyed that character, of course imagining myself there too with the others. Those kind of friendships are much more common in Italy, the flirting, the group dynamics, the stories etc. Not such a thing in Ireland. I miss that a lot and there's nobody who I can even talk to about it as I know they wouldn't really understand. So of course I know it's fiction but still. Like a good book, I tend to be part of it, living it. And it's as if I'm 17 again dreaming of meeting accidentally an actor or a singer on the bus and having a conversation (which depending on the case would have evolved in different ways eh eh). Wouldn't it be nice? Because for me of course the actor equals the character. But in this case I'd really love to meet the actor too. I've the impression he's nice in real life too. So I'm following him on Twitter. Hence I'm a new Twitter user. My sister is still laughing at me. 36 going on 17.

But what the hell... a girl can dream, right?

11 weeks and totally addicted...

I haven't posted in week and the true reason is that I'm completely addicted to Grey's Anatomy. So I watch as many episodes as I can per day!! I've started the fourth season now, and at this pace I think I'll be finished in 10 days or so! But I've kept up with your news and commented so I don't feel too bad...

Today I'm 11 weeks along. Yesterday I had a very very light brown spotting a couple of times after going to the loo. One possible reason is that I had an orgasm while I was napping in the afternoon!!! It came along all on its own!...we haven't had any action since ET so I think maybe I had some bottled up mojo...Anyway, I nearly felt guilty and then the bit of spotting...it freak me out no end. Can that be the reason though? No pain and no cramps. I'm booked in for a scan on Tuesday but if I spot some more today I think I'll go in tomorrow. Or I wonder if it could be due to the fact that the body is readjusting to stopping the PIO last Sunday, I think it usually took me 5-6 days after a failed cycle to get AF once I stopped the meds. I'll ask the doctor when I go in.

Mike is away this weekend with his friends, but my sister is here since Wednesday so I'm not alone! We are having a great time together which is always nice.

On the dream front things have calmed down and thank you all so much for the reassuring comments! It always help to know it happens to others! My dreams are still vivid but not horrible anymore, so I'm ok with that....a part from the erotic ones now...

This week is the last week of all the meds, I'll start diminishing the steroids from tomorrow so that I'll be taking only 5mg next Sunday, while everything else will stop on Sunday. I've read many blogs where this create some sort of anxiety and I'm no different! But I suppose this is just another step forward.

10 weeks, last PIO and dreams

10 weeks today! I feel quite well, still tired though and getting very emotional at anything I watch on the telly.

The major thing is that tonight we are going to do the last PIO injection!! I actually don't mind them too much, we have developed a technique that works well for me, but still...it's a major achievement. We never made it to the end of any meds after a positive pregnancy test and this is BIG. Two more weeks and I'll stop all the meds and I'll only be taking normal prenatal vitamins.

In the new spirit of enjoying this pregnancy to the fullest, yesterday I went to buy some clothes. Nothing special and certainly not "look I'm pregnant!" type of clothes, but a few items just a bit more comfortable. In all truth my jeans don't close anymore and I can't find here those elastic bands that would stretch my current clothes a bit further.

Have I jinxed myself? I hope not and I hope Elvis is growing nicely in my belly. I have to stay positive or I'm ruining these time and I know I will regret it, no matter what.

And then this morning after getting up for my second visit to the loo, I fell back asleep and I had the worse nightmare. I had miscarried and the details were so realistic it was shocking. Not everything matched, like I was having twins and still thinking the other one could be ok. Plus it was a mix of settings, between Italy and Ireland. Anyway, I never had any dreams for this pregnancy (remember those that would give me an indication on whether I was pregnant or not?) and I dreamt I was spotting at some point but it didn't happen. When it happened at 8 weeks I had no warning feelings/dreams. So I'm hoping this is just one of those common fears.

Also, you wouldn't believe this, but I never watched Grey's Anatomy and just started a major marathon from the first series and I totally love it! So yesterday, the last episode I watched before going to bed was the one where the quins were born and one dies. Maybe that played a bit of a role...

Dreams

I had a dream the other night that my cycle was going to be cancelled on Wednesday because the lining had become too thick! The Fav Doctor in the dream was saying it was now 34mm! Right, that's not likely to happen but maybe I feel this cycle is busted anyhow. We'll know soon enough.

For now I'm enjoying the side effects of Viagra...oh man...How did I live before?? I'm not sure if it is because I'm on 4 tablets a day (what's a dose for a man anyway?) but the mojo is flying high!

Hem hem...moving on...

Patches seems to be still well, we have lowered the anti-inflammatory drugs, he's eating regularly but not much, it may even be that he's not a big eater. He's not losing or gaining weight for the moment so I'm not sure this is really normal. We'll go back to the Ultimate Vet Hero on Friday for a check up. It is also time to get him neutered, but again I'm not sure we can do it just yet. We are off on holidays in two and half weeks and I'm getting a bit worried about leaving him. We have found a lovely cattery but just two days ago one of my students' friend said she'd love to look after Patches when we are gone. Now... that's lovely of course, but Patches has special needs...I don't want her to feel guilty if he does get sick (the Vet thinks it's stress related so it's likely he'll go down hill a bit when we are gone) on the other hand, undivided attention may be better than solitude...again we'll ask the Vet on Friday.

Still no sign of the Dude, thanks to all of you for the kind advice, nothing seems to be bringing him home (and no advice is silly at all!!). We went up to the shelter and spoke with the girl who followed our kittens-adoption process. She said that maybe Patches is actually better off on his own given that he seemed to be sicker when the Dude was around...I don't know...we'll wait for while anyway.

It's holiday here today, so we are relaxing and enjoying the good weather (and sheets...)

BWUB, I'll post a pic of Zoolander soon!

Dreams

Your comments were so encouraging, I actually felt much better. Thank you all for being so kind and supporting, I know it seems like I'm worrying too much, but with the previous experience it's really not easy to just relax and enjoy. Spotting is gone for the moment in any case.

Beta is tomorrow and I just want to believe it'll be ok.

Yesterday I called the clinic, the after hours number as they are not open at weekends. First of all it was my official testing day so I thought, what the hell, might as well see what they think about the spotting...but..I got connected to the doctor that did my blood test on friday! So all my plans went a bit out the window! I told her I repeated the test and that it looked stronger, but that the spotting was really doing my head in...that I never spotted before and could it be the progesterone not enough? She actually said that I may be spotting for the very good reason that THIS time I am pregnant "properly"! Lovely isn't she? Absolutely my favourite doctor! Because I have tons of PIO at home that I could feed an army, I suggested to go back and use them, she agreed and so my current therapy has changed to cyclo.gest 400 twice a day (morning and afternoon) and PIO in the evening. Last night we did the first one and of course I didn't quite remember that they are not that fun! But sure it'll be worth it, I hope!
I do feel very tired and I think some other symptom is kicking in...like a very acute sense of smell!

Finally, I had such a sweet dream last night I thought I'll share it. I dreamt of a very very small baby (apparently the son of a very old friend of mine who I haven't seen in years and as far as I know has no children at all) who was giving me small kisses on the nose! And in the dream I was saying to this friend that I was pregnant and that I would hope my child would be just as cute. Sure, dreams may mean nothing but when they are bad you do wake up with an odd feeling, this one was a good one, let's hope it does mean something!