34 weeks down, 6 to go!

My little honeydew is definitely growing! I have to say after the initial MASSIVE appearance of stretch marks on my boobs I have not suffered any others on the belly...it is still too soon to tell I suppose, but I thought I make a note of it for now. Still having plenty of Braxton Hicks, getting up much more often for peeing and I'm eating plenty. My weight is probably a bit higher than the last week but as it's not officially a full Kg I'll keep it at +15kg for now! Following the advice of the midwife who did the pre-natal I've started drinking raspberry leaf tea (I had used it in the past for menstrual cramps). She assured us it won't start labour, but after 34 weeks it should help toning the uterus, so there you go!

You guys were asking about pictures, well I don't have any really, I didn't know but at this gestational age is much more difficult to get a proper shot...we saw the belly, the cord, the head etc but no real profile view to talk about. I do have 3 pics which show the fluid (the deepest pocket), the cord flow and the edge of the placenta, but they are not very interesting I'm afraid. I'll post them though just for the blog records!

Other interesting measurements were:

BPD 83.5 mm

HC 306.8 mm

AC 285.8 mm

FL 67.1 mm

Estimated foetal weight 2.2 Kg (4lb 13oz)

Doppler:

PI 0.83

RI 0.56

S/D 2.26

HB 134bpm

Do you know much about the numbers? They are all within ranges as far as I can tell (the femur is above average, while everything else is slightly below average) but I decided not to do too much research as I know I will obsess (yet again!).

Next visit is tomorrow with the OB. As Mike is away I didn't take a 34w photo yesterday (boohoo) so I'll be posting the next set on Sunday at 35w.

Attic is also coming along, two more weeks and we should move back in!! I'll post the series of pics then.

Finally I've to admit I've given up yoga... first it was the snow and then the icy roads, today I'm just thinking I may as well save the petrol...I really didn't like the teacher, I have only mentioned it once I think how I thought it was a waste of time, as it hasn't got any better unfortunately. I'm doing my Kegel exercises and I want to start on perineal massages soon, that'll have to do!

The baby show, first purchase and yoga

The baby show was good. We were there mid afternoon and it closed at 6pm, so it wasn't too crowded and we got loads of goodies! I have to say, although it was obviously going to be the case, I was overwhelmed by the amount of pregnant women in the one spot. Looking at some of the due dates at the stands (nearly all of them asked for our email address and due date to send info and vouchers etc) I was shocked to see some couples been at the show and due as late as April. I admire and envy their confidence to be honest.

The main points were that we booked a prenatal training class which run in one day only from morning to afternoon (rather than a few evenings) and it's close to home which is always a great bonus. We got a book on pregnancy in Ireland for free and actually it is written by our OB's colleague and came highly recommended. We didn't buy it as we had the "What to expect..." one, but you never say no to a freebie! It's good I have to say. We got a few lotions, baby products and a cute bath-towel from various suppliers which I put in the one box once I got home. We made our first purchase which was...drum rolls please...a Baby Monitor! Here I go again with the anxiety I know, but it was great value and exactly the one I wanted. And we got a small baby bottle (another freebie) which works with a complicated system to avoid colics. We'll see if it works and if it's needed! We spent a lot of time learning about eco-friendly products like reusable nappies, we'd like to give it a go, I'm quite realistic and I think it'll be likely we'll have a mix of disposable and reusable, but it's better than nothing I suppose! I'm looking also at buying a sling to carry the baby around, I have a couple of friends who swear by it. We are learning plenty on 3 in 1 travel systems, still no idea which one to get. And I think I want to get a German co-sleeper type of cot, but that'll have to be an eBay purchase I think.

So I came home quite happy and believing a little more in our miracle.

Then I went to yoga last night. to be honest the exercising is good but I don't particularly like the teacher. The lesson should last 90 minutes (and it costs 18 euro which is pretty steep even for Dublin) and I think she chats for about 30 about her philosophy of yoga and how she works with energy and feelings and the whole person so it's very difficult to put it on paper but she has a DVD you should really really buy as it's on special offer this month...come on!!! Can we get going already?? Note that she insists you pay a set of lessons (I paid 10 up to Christmas despite my difficulties of seeing ahead) and not because there is any advantage for you (normally you do pay overall a little less than if you were to pay each lesson individually) only so that she can bank on your money. So this part I hate. She asked a girl how her husband found the couple night last week and she said that for 18 euro (the partner pays extra, it's not like a night where he/she can just join in as part of the course) it would have been helpful to have maybe a short handout with poses and movements etc. Oh God, I'm sure she regretted saying his as the above mentioned conversation then took place. The teacher even said that maybe she should charge more and include her DVD (would you stuff that DVD up your....and shut up?) as she knows there are teachers charging even 100 euro per couple... outrageous right? But I checked it up too and normally this is a workshop lasting a day, not 90 minutes!! Anyway, I don't think I would recommend her to be honest, I'd rather be more practical and down to breathing exercises and loosening muscles....what do you think?

22 weeks and I'm back!

And it's 22. Still amazed to be honest.

The conference-trip away to the Azores was great (food was something else and the views...oh my God...totally recommend it) but tiring...my feet and ankles were so so swollen but the temperature didn't really allow to wear support socks...I took it as easy as I could and to be honest being away made me a bit nervous. You know all the what ifs...But I had the doppler with me and it was such a reassuring thing! The highlight of the conference was that my student won the best poster award! Woohoo!! So nice for her and for me too!

My belly is growing and I feel the baby moving much more regularly specially since the last few days! And it's a papaya now! Woohoo! But I am a bit more tired (perhaps still from the trip), we were away at the weekend too so a bit more travelling added up...and I'm going to Italy next friday! I promise that's the end of my travelling...and I have a cold as a nice gift from the air plane too...

When I came home on friday last, it was my birthday and Mike surprised me with a totally unexpected gift! Almost two years ago I had gone back to our jeweller with an idea of a ring in mind. We chose the stone and planned the design, but then...one thing and another the ring was never ready when we were in Italy and I kind of gave up on it after a while. Well...the ring magically appeared in Dublin in my kitchen!

I love it! And it's great also I can wear it now, it was planned for my right hand but due to the bit of fluid retention it doesn't quite fit and I am wearing it comfortably on my ring finger which felt very bare since I had to take off the weeding and engagement rings!

I'm also posting another series of belly pictures to humour you a bit (I know you can't wait LOL!) I don't have a weight update as I was away and I religiously take it on Sunday morning after peeing and before breakfast...

What do you think? It seems almost the same to me, I know the pics aren't identical but a part from the fact that the belly feels higher (I could find the heartbeat beside the bellybutton the other day!) it has not projected forward much. We'll see if I have a growth spur in the next while. Oh and I'm starting pregnancy yoga tomorrow!!

Patches saga and Attic update

It's a while I hadn't posted about Patches. The little cat is still very small, in fact we think he'll be an eternal kitten! But since he's on the new meds (antiviral and small dose of steroids) he's been doing very well. Until last week. It became obvious to us that the poor thing was trying to use the toilet, straining a lot and nothing would come out. He peed normally so at least we know it wasn't a UTI but more a constipation issue. We contacted the Ultimate Vet Hero and she said to bring him in as he was probably in discomfort. She adores Patches and is so so good with him. The verdict was that yes he was VERY constipated and needed an enema. When I went picking him up in the afternoon the little cat was exhausted but empty! Within a couple of days he was back to his old self but then on Monday night he refused his food and his belly seemed tender to the touch. After a few texts with the Ultimate Vet Hero (she's that good) she said that she searched on her Vet website for more info and thought that another possibility is that Patches may suffer of congenital hypothyroidism! All symptoms fit: halted growth, slow appearing teeth (he only has 6!) lethargy (he sleeps most of the time hence "LazyPatches!") and little appetite. Anyway, after a good night sleep he seemed better and used the toilet (I gave him lactulose) but we still went in for a blood test to check the latest theory. We should have the results by the end of the week and we are so so hopeful that this may be the problem! He definitely had also this herpes virus because since he's on the antiviral his breathing has been great all the time. If the blood work comes back positive for hypothyroidism we will be able to eliminate the steroids and give him the proper meds! Hang in there Patches, lots of people are looking into your case!

And yesterday we had the structural engineer coming over to take measurements and tell us how much steel we need to support the floor of the new room in the attic (we need to reinforce the current structure both for the floor and the roof). The Architect was also there and they worked very well. The plan is now for the engineer to do up his drawings, give them to the architect so that he can finalise the document which will be used for tendering the work! We are very excited! He's confident that overall it shouldn't take more than 4-6 weeks, to us seems a bit quick, but hopefully he's right! We have also found a place to move out to when the works will be ongoing, probably there is no need to move out but I'm sure we won't regret it! The place is in the same estate, it's a one-bed apt on the top floor of a block with a fantastic view of Dublin as well as the mountains! We love it!

And finally I have contacted a yoga teacher specialised in pre-natal yoga! I'll start in September!! Wohoohoo!

Attic, Adoption and Kittens

Something is moving right along and something else is at a stand still...

Attic: Planning application is in! We need to wait 5 weeks before we know if someone has complained (hopefully not!) and then we should hear from the planning office and how they rule on our proposal! Right on target, we absolutely love our architect.

Adoption: You may recall that 3 weeks ago, right after my BFN, I got a surprise call from the Adoption Board, Miss L needed some extra info and said she would write up a quick report and then we should be ready to be put on the waiting list. She added to call if I didn't hear anything within 3 weeks. So, of course I hadn't. I called this morning, left a message, she called back and said that now our application was with the medical board that had to check MIL medical history and then move us to the the final board (I think that one must be right beside God....it seems so difficult to get to that level...). Also whoever had to look at our application is off sick this week, so it'll be next week at the earliest....And suddenly it all sounded like old music. Not holding my breath to be honest with you, I think now we'll have plenty of time to do two ICSI if we have to. This thing that we may be on a prep course within a year looks more and more like one of those lies they tell terminal patients (you'll get better soon). So not in great mood about this as you can imagine. L was really nice, she said to call again in a few weeks if we still have no news. Yeah, right.

Kittens: They are both very very well, and inseparable. They got they second vaccination this evening and although they didn't enjoy it it wasn't much of drama!

My acupuncture went very well, I feel much better and yoga also was great. So this is my news! Can't wait for the weekend and the London retreat!!

So what now

Thanks to each and everyone of you. I just have no words. Thanks for all the tips on having a pet, I think Mike is nearly convinced!!! We may go for a small dog, there are many places around where we are that will take it if we go out of the Country, so it's doable!! I'll keep you posted of course.

I read a lot yesterday if it's really possible that my uterus is "unsuitable" for pregnancies like I feared. I found a clinic in Chicago that deals with failed implantation and that has a very informative website on all the known causes of pre-implantation loss, peri-implantation loss and of course post-implantation loss. I'll post it here because it was really helpful

http://www.illinoisivf.com/recurrent-pregnancy-loss/index-rpl.html

I would be in the category of either pre- or peri-implantation loss. I don't have hormonal issues (ie I do respond to estrogen and progesterone and my lining thickens), I don't seem to have a physical uterine issues (polyps, submucous fybroids or scarring) and I'm dealing with the mild immuno issues with the intralipids. So it could in fact have been the embryos.

"Data from preimplantation genetic diagnosis suggest that 30% to 90% of in vitro fertilized eggs depending on maternal age are chromosomally abnormal. Furthermore, it has been estimated that 75% of karyotypically normal pre-implantation embryos fail to implant."

That's sound like there is a chance that maybe next time we'll be ok! We still got two pregnancies out of 5 transfers (plus one chemical at the second FET), so really we are well within the stats (still it sucks that it didn't work!).

The other thing is the position of the transfer. It's a very fine line and I think given that I don't have tubes any more we may risk a higher transfer next time.

My WTF phone-appointment is scheduled for next tuesday, I'll ask if it's worth my while having a third laparoscopy, to tidy properly the left over stumps of the tubes, remove the external fybroid and perhaps having a look to see if I do have any scarring from my exploratory lap&dye and D&C back in December 07. I'll ask also about surrogacy in Ireland, a friend yesterday said she'll be our carrier...can you believe that? Although I was moved by her gesture I don't think she thought it through and I'm not sure if she would even be suitable (she's 3 years older than me, had hormonal issues in past etc.). Still it was so generous for her to offer.

No calls from the adoption board of course, not sure what to do, if you are seen as an impatient harasser it doesn't really work in your favour!

Overall I feel well, my scientific thirst for knowledge is satisfied for now and I feel more relaxed about our future chances. I went to yoga yesterday and it was great, gong again this evening for a "Goddess gathering" of meditation and positive energy! Just what the doctor ordered!

ICLW and baseline scan

Welcome my friends, I'd love for you to stay a bit longer, this ICLW week coincides with the beginning of my third fresh ICSI cycle! Let's celebrate!! I was lucky to get pregnant on my other fresh cycles, but not lucky enough to have the embryo sticking to the right place. First it was the left tube. Then the right one. Come on little embryo you can do it this time!! You can read a bit of my story on my profile, but here's the link to the last ICLW intro for a recap up to that point.
So I don't think I ever had an ICLW at the beginning of a cycle, it was mostly during the 2ww I'd say.I do need all the support I can get this time around, I'm dreading another blow. But...let's stay postive.
This morning I had my baseline scan, I stopped the pill on saturday after only 20 days and I'm ready to go. Very thin lining, quiet ovaries and guess...still HIV negative! I'm tested for HIV and other STDs like a high risk person! It's the new EU regulation apparently, you have to have it done at the beginning of each cycle. Just in case. Ah well.My Favourite Doctor wasn't there, she was at a conference, back tomorrow I think. So I had another nurse doing the scan, but she was lovely too. I'm on the same protocol as the last time (short with antagonists) and on the same dose of Puregon. It will all start tomorrow, I will have my breakfast with Prednisolone, high strength folic acid and vitamin B complex, dinner with Puregon and Luveris and a bit of Clexane for dessert. I will finish my day with low strength aspirine. Nice diet, uh? I'm adamant I will drink a lot of water. My next scan will be on day 6, so I'll manage an update within this ICLW week!
Last night I went to my first Yoga lesson in the new place. I loved the teacher which is great and it's walking distance from home! I told her about our IVF and that I will have to stop the classes in the 2ww but if possible I will switch to meditation and she had no problem with it. I'm delighted with myself for sticking to the new year resolutions. I'll be on the Wii fit this evening too!
Now, tomorrow is the big day for my student E. She'll defend her PhD thesis and will move on to bigger and better things...I'm so emotional about it, it's unreal! I will let you know how it all goes of course.

Next week

Next week is going to be very intense.
Term starts again and I have a heavy teaching load but thankfully I have everything prepared (I have to just go over the lectures but no new material) still, it's a bit nerve-wreacking going into a new class and I'll be meeting 3 new ones all in the first week!

On wednesday I have my first yoga lesson and so far I've been very good at exercising at home also.

On thursday I have my base line scan. I'm thinking of stopping the pill a day earlier like I've done the last time. I should take the last one on Sunday but then my period would have barely started before the scan, so I'll take the 20th pill on Saturday and that'll be it. It worked very well the last time anyway. I've collected all my meds from the pharmacy today and immediately put them away. No need to dwell on the volume of them by having them spreaded around the house!

On friday, on top of two lectures I have to give, my very first student (the one who had a bit of a blue moment) will defend her PhD thesis. I already got feedback from the external examiner which is excellent, but you know the way it is...I feel very emotional about it and I hope I'll be able to hold it together afterwards, they all know I'm a softy one but still! Another student of mine just got awarded a Master. That makes two in just over 4 years and another one will submit is PhD thesis next month. A fourth one is on her way to finishing up. I'm not sure how all this happened. But it did and I'm really proud of my group. These 3 also have already a job to go to. Amazing. My colleagues today at lunch were lovely, they said we have to celebrate me as this is really a milestone! I suppose it really is. After the viva and lunch I will have to introduce the examiner's lecture and bring her out to dinner ... and I suppose the next thing will be going home and start injecting! It is common practice here to hit the pub for a bit of celebration with the group, but...somehow...I will have to give this one a miss I'm afraid.

I know the week will fly by, I have every cell of my body set to "Positivity ON!" meaning I'm repeating to myself that everything will work out just the way it should be. If I'm lucky enough the damn computer (aka the New Toy) will be repaired and return to me after 2 months in repair! See if I'm able to start using it!

Finally, on the stream of other blog-friends just about to cycle, I've told nobody bar family about this upcoming ICSI. Not sure Mike will remember this at all though! I know I will be able to talk to my friends, if I wish, afterwards, no matter how it'll turn out. They will understand. Let's see if it makes any difference.
I must remember to book in my reiki/acupuncture also!

Yoga, meditation and New Year Resolutions

Today was another added holiday for us, yep, we got an official email on Saturday that due to worsening weather condition the college would have remained closed until tomorrow morning. Obviously the weather improved dramatically between yesterday and today, it started raining and the snow is pretty much gone so this was totally unnecessary, but still...who says no to another sleep-in? Anyway, tomorrow we are definitely back and it's only a week before I start teaching again and I'm dreading it. My second semester is going to be very heavy, and with the new cycle coming up I've arranged my lectures in blocks before and after. I hope it'll be worth it! In fact I have only 6 more days on the pill and baseline scan is next week on thursday, oh yes!

Anyway, I have read a few blogs with their New Year Resolutions and I decided to add my own. Like my friend Clare I'll keep it short and simple so that it can be easier to achieve and will be totally unrelated to pregnancy (or lack of) given that this very one thing I have no control at all.

* I have found a new Yoga Centre just a stone's throw from home. They not only do yoga but also meditation. I have already contacted the teacher (Lisa) and I'm enrolled for the yoga on wednesday night and the meditation course when it'll begin in February!

The first resolution is: I have to keep this up.

* I definitely have to exercise at least once more during the week. I want to use regularly my Wii Fit Plus to track my progress. Even if I don't loose weight I have to be a bit fitter than I am.

The second resolution is: I have to be more determined.

* I will try really hard to live in the present. I hope meditation will help me achieving this. For some reason I'm very prone to think about what will happen tomorrow, what will I do in a few months time etc. Yet I have no real control on what might happen that will change the plan. This should reflect in a more positive me, with less hypocondria lurking in my brains.

So far these resolutions have been centred on me. Now three more which will have the me + others combiantion in it.

* I will try to be more available to friends and family. Sometimes it's easy not to call or email. After all, I'm so far away there's not much I can do from here. But I know, I so know, that a word or even a gesture can brighten up someone else's day. And it costs me nothing.

* I will have a Zen approach to work related issues. I often have the impression that half of my colleagues are doing very little. This is probably true but the problem is that it bothers me no end and I tend to go into the "poor me, look how much I do, this is sooo unfair" state. This obviously doesn't achieve anything, I still work the same amount and my colleagues too. I have to lower my expectations and improve my attitude in this field.

* This is probably going to be the most difficult. I do have high expectations in general, and sometimes this is very unfair towards Mike. I will try and have a Zen approach towards his work also. I'll be there if he needs me but I have to be less pushy and teacher-like. I don't like being that way, but I don't seem to be able to help it much. I'll try my best.

I have my heart in it, really. I think I can do well in most of them, I may need encouragement for the last two, I already know, but I am confident that re-starting yoga and embracing meditation will be very helpful.