Last Pill, Patches and The Dude

Thank God tonight I'm going to take the last pill!! Ohhhh what a relief! With all the spotting (never in the morning mind you, only afternoon and evenings, totally a hormonal thing!) I'm not even sure I'll get a proper period, anyone out there has experience?

The sniffing is going well, I keep myself very well hydrated and had no headache so far, but I'm soooo tired in the evenings, I'm in bed by 10.00-10.30 after a snooze on the couch! Anyway, marching on.

I can't remember if I mentioned that a couple of weeks ago we brought Patches back to the vet because he seemed to have a scratch on his neck which was raised and inflamed. The vet gave us a course of antibiotic for ten days. During that time we noticed that The Dude had become a bit rougher when playing with Patches and was scratching and biting Patches' neck resulting in constant bleeds, new scabs and bold patches!! The poor thing had become less playful and seemed a bit afraid of The Dude. Anyway, we had a letter from the DSPCA to bring The Dude to be neutered on the 29th of April (they reckon is about 6 months old). It was quite obvious that it was just too far away. He's restless and meows a lot (never did it before), so we brought him there on Friday to see if he was ready to be done a bit earlier. After a bit if begging we got an appointment for next Tuesday! The vet nurse also clipped The Dude's nails, at least the damage can be controlled a bit.

All was well in the pet land until friday night when we noticed Patches breathing became quite noisy again....couldn't believe it, we had finished the antibiotics on Thursday morning! On Saturday morning Patches was a bit flat and the breathing the same. I noticed he seemed to have shivers and I basically cocooned him in his blanket thinking he may be running a fever. Then we weighed him and he had lost 200g in 4 days!! I felt so so bad, The Dude is growing steadily, but I had tried to vary the food a bit and Patches never seemed to impressed...anyway, not a good sign by any means.

We phoned the vet and brought him there in the afternoon. He checked out fine, kind of suddenly was a bit brighter, but he did have a temperature. The vet gave him an antibiotic injection and said to us that we need to find which bug he has so that we can treat him properly but that he's optimistic he'll grow out of it. Let's hope so!

Last night he was already better, I reverted to the original kitten food and he had a good bit. We have to bring a poo sample to the vet to check for particular bacteria which may be the cause of the poor health. I think it's more to do with the respiratory system but we'll see.

Today is curtain-washing day! My parents are arriving next Wednesday and mum has this habit of climbing up a ladder and do the curtains...you won't do it this time mum! You can pot the plants though....

Update on Asherman's

Nearly running home to go to yoga but I had to update you all after your kind comments and support!

I called Dr. B and left a message to his secretary (who for some reason loves my name and every time is very happy to talk to me! Nice!) He called back in the afternoon from his mobile, I think he was driving or something, terrible reception!

Anyway, I told him I was worried about Asherman's and I wanted to know a bit more about what he found. He said he didn't find any evidence of Asherman's as my uterine cavity was perfectly opened, I had no adhesions linking the uterine walls to one another. He said you never know of course, he did find scar tissue after all, but with just one surgery (the D&C back in 2007) it would be really unlikely that it develops further.

Hemhem...remember... I'm the one with 2 ectopics also...but let's just not go there again.

Anyway, he didn't think I had reasons to be overly concerned, that he removed all the filamentous scarring he had seen and was very happy with the outcome.

I told him I was on the pill since last Sunday to get ready for the transfer in May, he said he would have not recommended for me to be on the pill as it may lead to unusual bleeding (yes, still spotting) but that if this is my clinic protocol he has no objection. He said no problem with the FET in May! I'm so relieved!

I know, I know, I always do this, it's in my nature, I have to worry about something!

Asherman's syndrome

Damn Dr. Google....

since I had the hysteroscopy and the chat afterwards with the doctor about the fact that he found what looked like scar tissue (no adhesions though, like filamentous scarring) I've of course done what everyone else would have done and started searching the net for how I could have had such a thing.

It turns out the condition has a scary name...Asherman's syndrome. This is normally connected to previous uterine surgery such as D&C after a miscarriage, polyps removal etc. In December 2007, before becoming officially an IF patient at my clinic, I had contacted a gyn here to see if he could check my tubes for patency. He said he could and that he would have performed an exploratory laparoscopy and a D&C which, he said, helped at times to "refresh" the lining and promote implantation. This sounded more than excessive to my Italian gyn (could he not simply do a HSG?) but sure I was living in Ireland, I had to go with the flow. After surgery, he told me I had mild endo and suggested medical menopause to which I said no and then contacted the clinic.

I never thought anymore about it, it had been a waste of time in my opinion but nothing more. Now I'm afraid it left me with this Asherman's gift.

I got so worried about this over yesterday and today that I will call Dr. B on monday and see if he can reassure me a bit...Nearly every Asherman's website states that the use of a laser to remove the scars is actually NOT recommended as the heat generated may worsen the situation. Of course he used laser because it's the safest option to minimise bleeding and uterine perforation, but in my case...Damn Dr. Google again.

Of course every website warns you to be weary of non-Asherman specialists to perform the surgery as they often lack the skills for a successful recovery....oh God....I have to ask him if at least he knows what it is!

Dr. B said to expect bleeding/spotting for a couple of weeks and the two weeks are up next tuesday. I had my period a week ago (I'm amazed that I could tell the difference) and I'm still spotting. I have also started the pill so that I could plan the FET and I'm now worried that in fact I should have been on oestrogen only following surgery to make sure the lining was thickening in a healthy manner. My pill is a monophasic one with oestrogen and progesterone, I hope it's ok.

Monday can't come fast enough, I have to know much more about my surgery, how extensive the scarring was (I have pics where I can see healthy tissue also and no bands, but it can be a close up) and were it was. If he thinks it's ok that I'm on the pill and the scheduled FET for May. I'll be seeing him on the 26th but I'm not clear what he will do (another hysteroscopy to check if everything healed properly? A chat and a good-luck?).

Girls, if any of you out there knows more, can you please email me or drop a message? I can't believe what I thought it was good news (yehay, I found the cause for failed uterine implantation) may turn into an even worse nightmare...

ICLW welcome

It's that time again! Wow, time flies really.

So my story is all summarised on the left hand-side, I did this very recently and I think it's really handy to get to know people quickly and see if we have something in common.

Today it's also the first day of Spring, so happy Spring to all those in the Northern Hemisphere! I can't wait for the long bright evenings.

Where are we at...let's see, I got my period yesterday so I'm back on the pill whoohoo! I had called the clinic on Friday to schedule my FET (stay tune for the Viagra side effect!) and I'll be getting my dates probably tomorrow or tuesday, the plan is to go ahead with the transfer at the very beginning of May. After the hysteroscopy I have to have 6 weeks of recovery according to Dr. B, but it's actually 4 everywhere else in the Web-World so given that I don't have to stim I'll go with the 6 weeks max before the transfer. Given that we have only 1 blast (day6) frozen and that the chance of it not surviving the thaw are real, I kind of feel I want to move on quickly. We have also planned hour holidays and we are leaving on the 20th of May so I want to have the FET over by then!

For the new readers, we are also pursuing adoption and we are reaching 10 month in April since we sent all our documents and we have heard nothing. The problem with that is that we have been told we should hear shortly and at that point we'll be on a waiting list for a prep course (sometime between 12 and 18 month away). 6 months before the course starts we'll have to stop any IVF treatment. So, you see, if this FET fails, I want to make sure I have the time for another fresh cycle!

Finally, we brought Patches to the vet this morning for a check up after he finished the antibiotics, he got a final injection to cover for the next 2 weeks and the idea is to check for polyps in his throat when he'll get neutered in a few weeks time. It may still be the cause for the heavy breathing!

Happy ICLW everyone, looking forward to making new friends!

Frost all around

Thank you all for the comments, I have felt a bit better lately so hopefully the scary-gray-thoughts will give me some space.

We arrived yesterday in a frosted Dublin. There is snow and ice where we live and although I love looking outthe window, I'd never get out of bed! So this morning we decided to take it easy,I'm sure some colleagues would have been back today, but most won't be in until next week I'd say, so no one would mind me not being in early. We enjoyed our bed no end and cuddled for a while until I got a text from one of my students saying that our building, and in fact the whole of Science was without electricity and not to bother coming in! Oh my...it was just like Christmas! I have been working a bit from home, but mostly done things around the house.

One great news on the attic project is that we got our second quotation and it came in at less than half the price! Plus we know the architect and he lives in our same estate, so we know he knows the development very well. He's also from mainland Europe so I kind of think he'll understand my taste better. Anyway, we obviously checked that his proposal covered the same aspects as the previous one and it does, so I have emailed him this morning to say we woudl like to go ahead with the planning!! That's really exciting.

On the other hand, we still have not heard back from the adoption people. This is very disheartening to say the least. You can't be too nagging of course, but still...it's since October that we know our application has been checked and sits with the Board, it should have been a couple of weeks turn around (still taking nearly 5 months since we lodged our application at the beginning of June) to finally get a waiting list number for our preparation course. Which will still be years away. I am thinking of emailing the kind lady again, I know it' out of her hands now, but maybe she can ask around.

Yesterday, I have started my second week of the pill and a part from a bit of headache is going well, I don't think I have put on weight this time! Only 12 more days anyway!

And meditation is still "hot" in my agenda. The book I got is written by Maneesha James and the website I linked is only one of the many I found. She talks about meditation according to the teaching of Osho (I've only learnt about his existance myself!) and I found it very very calming and empowering. The book has also a CD with a guided meditation known as "Tuning into the Moment" which is amazing too. The only thing I miss now is a little statue of Buddha!

2010

Really? Is it already the time for my new adventure? How did it happen? Rewind....

Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all my dear friends, I've been commenting a bit on your blogs whenever my sister was letting me using her laptop, but never really had enough time to post. 

We are still on the mountains but today was the last skiing day and with freezing temperatures and two million people queuing at the lifts we decided to call it a day a bit earlier. We go back to my parents place tomorrow and fly back to Dublin on monday. I can't believe this amazing break is over already!

So I have now a bit more on the IF front to share with you. I've been on the pill for nearly a week now, no side effect like water retention this time, but it could be also due to the activity and the cold temperatures. Anyway, I can't complain. Like the last time I've started having anxiety attacts (ie hypocondriac flashes) at night, where I wake up thinking I have the worse desease you can think of. In the morning, fully rational, I'm fine. Of course I know this happens to me every time I have something important to start and to much time in my hands, but still....it sucks. I found that while I am in bed awake sick with worries, I am able to go through the very basic techniques of meditation and relax a good bit until I fall asleep again. Any suggestion on this front is very much appreciated of course.

My last pill will be in just two weeks time and the baseline scan on the 21st! Brign it on, I'm ready! Or...am I? Like the last time I find it hard to put hope and energy into the upcoming cycle and I am debating what to do if it fails...thoughts at night are grey and I am worried that my tubes where the place my embryos liked to nest and won't like my uterus at all...or that I won't repond to stims this time or that hey will get very few eggs...there surely is a point when your age plays a role and I'm thinking that in my two fresh cycles I have given to IVF a total 25 eggs (but over 40 follicles!)...that's like...over three years of normal production, plus the months that I have ovulated anyway (thankfully I seem to have very normal cycles despite IVFs). I'm guessing that my ovaries have aged at least 4 years in the last 18 months...so technically they are now much older than me!! See? This is the kind of thing that scares the shit out of me. Than the rational me puts everything in perspective during the day.

I am also very curious to find out my protocol this time. Certainly I want to make sure my progesterone support will NOT include crin.one! I don't mind the PIOs really so I'll insist on those. Different year, different months, tubeless approach, come on, I need to know I have better chances this time, I think I'll call the Favourite Doctor next week!

The last one for 2009

My dear readers, I hope you had a great Christmas and peaceful time with your loved ones. I've been at home for almost a week and the frenzy of the shopping, cooking and catching up surrounded me from day one.

First of all, thank you to my new followers for joining in, I hope you'll stay and get to know me a bit better. There are nealry 50 of you! you all mean so much to me, your support is precious, I'm sure you know this already, and I'll need all the support I can get in the next couple of months.

And then here's what I've been up to in the last few days.

A great thing I discovered this time in Italy has been meditation. I never practiced it before and my sister (who's a bit of a yoga-health-relaxation expert) convinced me to go to a class on tuesday evening for a guided session centred on the theme of peace. I loved it. The next day I bought a book and a CD and definitely the new decade will see me embracing this new practice. if you are interested I can recommend the book I got which apparently was written by a well-known guru. I'll also write a bit more on meditation in the new year when I have more time, but for now I have to say, it was an eye-opener. Definitely more me than acupuncture and possibly more than reiki. I think I'll go again for reiki with the new cycle and I'll associate meditation with it!

We had a bit of drama on wednesday, I brought my sister to the eye-ER around 3 am to find out that she had a corneal ulcer. Damn. For a bit we weren't sure if she could join us on our skiing trip but we got the all clear today. So that was a definitely a good Christmas present.

Christmas Eve and Christmas day were traditionally spent at home, the all lot of us, making it to a head-spinning number of 6 people around the table! It's a great thing Mike comes too, although I'm not sure he'll be coming next year (that'll be 5 years in a row...) but I really don't want to miss out on this days with my family, at least until my granny is with us. Afterwards, we'll see, I suppose we'll start alternating years like it's tradition...and it'll be a major sign of love on my side eating turkey and ham instead of my traditional Christmas dinner...

Anyway, we are off skiing tomorrow, we got a lot of snow here so I'm egar to get to the slopes! I'll have the company of AF for a few days (knocked at the door today to see if she could join in right on time wohoooo) which also means I'm starting the pill probably tomorrow as I'm not really bleeding yet. I'll be on it for just 3 weeks!!! Basically a normal pill cycle! It's a different brand this time, I needed a little change, let's hope it'll agree with me. Oh dear...the rollercoaster is about to start again...we'll see how the new-zen-me will cope this time.

2010 here I come. Be kind to me, that's all I ask for.

At the chemist and other updates

I came back on monday aftrenoon, very late may I add, due to snow in my town and delayed flight. I had a great time and skiing was jus what I needed! So I'm back now for the last week in college, with several last minute things to do as you can imagine.
I have finally managed to read the latest on most of the blogs I follow and posted on many of them and I'm very happy for the good news all around and very sad for the bad ones also all around. I suppose that's life.

I went to the chemist yesterday to pick up muy pill prescription and I'm not sure if you remembered that this particular chemist is the one that deals with the special meds for IF treatments and the girl there knows me by first name by now. When she saw me she came around the desk and hugged me. She said she was so genuinely sorry to see my prescription caming in and I had gone in for support meds the last time with the good news of the beta...ah well, obviously it wasn't my time yet. I'll pick up the rest of the meds in January before starting the cycle (jeez, I'll be taking the last pill in just over a month and I haven't even started it yet!). It dawned on me then that we are starting a new decade. It sounds good. 2010 is a nice round number, let's hope it'll be the "right" number also!

On the attic front we had yesterday a second architect coming to see the place and hopefully he'll give us a quote by next week! That's all so exciting and I really can see the big picture and how it's going to look! After that it's a matter of price. And we'll definitely play it safe.

The New Toy is not back yet and needless to say I'm fed up with it already. I called the support unit and all I was told was that they have "loads of computers" with the same issue. That's reassuring...NOT! And believe me, this is a well known brand! Grrrr.....

Finally, I'm going back to Italy next monday for two weeks and the Christmas madness, so I'm afraid I won't have much time to blog but I'll be posting a Merry Christmas post before going.

A new cycle begins

I didn't have a minute to post yesterday so I couldn't update with my latest news. AF has arrived! After the negative HPT I was still a bit worried that maybe the b**ch was goign to play even more tricks on me and keep me waiting a few more days. I was contemplating the idea of calling the clinic tomorrow and see what I could do to bring the period along. But every IF friend knows that it's nearly mathematical: the minute you POAS, giving in to the most evil temptation, and after the exact 3 minutes (or ten!) that shatters every final hope to see a hint of a line, the twinges start. I had to wait a full day in fairness.
Ah well. I knew it anyway. So tonight I'll go back on the pill for 4 weeks (counting the days already) and then I'll have my first scan on the 9th of July. Any tips for avoiding (or minimising) fluid retention for the next four weeks will be welcomed!

I had also mentioned that Mike was going to do a spermatic DNA fragmentation test (just linked to one of a million clinics that explains what it is). Of course he left the call until last friday and the first slot available with the clinic is on the 7th of July. It'll take two weeks to get the results back (the clinic actually ships the sample to Denmark) and by then I would be close to the egg retrival! Needless to say I was quite pissed. Totally pointless to spend 400 euro this time around. No matter the result we will have to go ahead and I rather not know at that point if it's bad news. Anyway, we are going back to Italy on the 21st of June and my home city is very advanced on assisted reproduction, so I emailed a couple of private clinic to see if we can get it done there. We'll see.

Finally, a very warm welcome to C to my blog! I have my fifth follower!