First of all thank you so much for your support it means the World to me.
Last night it was the worst night yet. Oliver had a great day with his grandparents, out and about in playgrounds etc. Which of course is fantastic but in my opinion children that age do need some quiet time too during the day, playing alone and "regroup". I would not say this to them of course as I'm sure their intention was to have him tired by the evening. We came home and Oliver started acting up a bit, nothing major and nothing unseen before. I fed him dinner, bath time and then bed. He went down no problem after his bottle. It may have been 8.15 pm. We all went to bed early not knowing what the night ahead would bring.
It brought Hell.
Oliver woke up around half past midnight screaming. Both Mike and I went in as it sounded like he was either in pain or had a nightmare. We picked him up to soothe him and gave him some painkiller just in case. I went back to bed and Mike started the "going back to sleep" task. Oliver would stay in his crib quite happily but no sign of sleeping. He was wired and just wanting to play. At this stage my parents were in bed and did quite well at staying put. Oliver never cried with Mike unless he was trying to leave the room. I got up again around 2 am and warmed some milk to see if it would help getting him back to sleep. He took the milk but no joy. No crying either. At 3am Mike came into the room and asked me to take over as he was at the end of his strength (also we get up around 6.40 in the morning...). So I went in and Oliver started crying (you know, the tantrum cry, loud ear piercing crying that stops instantly if you do what he wants), he just wanted to be picked up but I stuck to my guns and kept putting him back down. Of course this went on for about 10 minutes at which point my father came into the room and said he would stay there to keep him company if I wanted to go back to bed. I declined. All this while I kept putting Oliver down on his back and he kept rolling over and stand back up crying. My father started loosing it and accused me literally of being abusive towards my son and showed surprise that nobody had called the police and social services on me yet. Seriously. He was practically shouting at me (which had the effect of quietening Oliver momentarily, we in fact never shout) which brought up memories and not of the pleasant kind. Memories of my childhood when he would slap me across the face several times because I was looking at him the "wrong way". I had bruises the day after going into school. Or another time when I was a bit older, and I got a mark in school below my average (I was generally an A student, this one time I must have got a C) and he shouted at me that this was a "signal" (no idea what signal) and that I was getting distracted. Of course I got another C the same week somewhere else and I clearly remember being sick to my stomach in fear. Or another time, again a bit older, say about 16, when we were leaving some friends' house after dinner and he was being quite loud so I told him to keep his voice down as people were sleeping at that time. He slapped me hard across the face (imagine the look on friends' faces and the embarrassing silence that followed).
This is abuse in my eyes and not what I was doing (being consistent with a child who is just fussing at night because he's been hyper all day). I so wanted to shout back at him and tell him what I just wrote down here. I didn't. I think the last slap was in fact the last ever he gave me and I remember clearly thinking that should he dare lifting a hand on me one more time and I would have called the police. And you wonder why I couldn't wait to leave home? Or why I got married at 24 to the wrong guy? It looks quite obvious to me.
My mother in all this never intervened in front of him, though I am sure she always talked to him as often apologies were offered (and regularly turned down by me).
I certainly don't want to be that kind of parent. He may have rocked me to sleep when I was small, bought me all sorts of things and loved me dearly most of the time, but that is not all that I remember.
Oliver went to sleep within half an hour of me taking over. In the end I gave him a biscuit and that settled him for the rest of the night. When we left this morning at 7.30 he was still sound asleep.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Sleepless Easter
My parents arrived on thursday of last week. Oliver stopped sleeping through the night thursday of last week also. He may have been up for 3 hours between 2 and 5am. Crying like it was going out of fashion. We were up, my parents were up and we all had a terrible night. This would have been bad enough without a series of unsolicited advices from my parents on what we should do (obviously the opposite of what we were doing) and recollection of what they were doing with me when I was small (again, never did what we were doing etc). I talked to them the day after saying they weren't really helping and to please stay in bed and let us do our own things. Friday night was much of the same, Mike took the first shift and 5 minutes later he was back in the bedroom because my parents decided to take over. So I got up, my mum was holding Oliver, chatting to him etc. I took him and told them to go back to bed. More comments on how they never let me cry that much.
Miraculously, Saturday night was much better. Another good night on Sunday, though it took Oliver a good hour to fall asleep (more crying etc with my parents saying he was awake and we should just let him be up for a while) and back to hell-night last night. We are wrecked and also back in work.
My parents are leaving on thursday and want to babysit Oliver (no crèche), which we have no problem with, but we have to find a solution to this behaviour.
Let's talk about what these two terrible pair (Mike and I) are doing that is so wrong and by all means do comment and let me know your point of view.
1) We believe in routine. Oliver has dinner around 7pm, then we have happy time in the bath and then he goes to bed, takes his bottle while we chat to him telling stories or just talking to him about our day, he gives us the bottle when he's done we kiss him and cuddle goodnight and close the door. Normally he goes asleep no problem without a sound. Occasionally we have to go back him a couple of times if he really doesn't settle.
2) We believe in a scheduled nap time (routine again I suppose). Same as when he is in the crèche, we put him down for his nap after lunch and he can sleep between 1 and 2.5 hours but he has to be up by 3 or the rest of the afternoon is a mess, then he doesn't want to eat/sleep etc.
3) When he wakes up during the night, we assess the situation (he's well, dry and doesn't really need anything other than company), give him back his soother if he has lost it ("soother emergency") and we consistently put him back down in his bed. Often he goes right back to sleep. If he's very upset, we give him a cuddle but keep the talk to a minimum, the light is always off (bar the night light), we do not engage in playing or other activities that may delay the go back to sleep. Of course if he's not well, we pick him up, give him paracetamol or similar, and stay up with him looking out the window etc. If we think he's hungry we of course feed him and by now I think we can have a good guess from his crying at what the problem is. I know there are different opinions on this but I am not sure there is just one right way of handling a crying baby or everyone would follow that one!
4) We don't have Oliver falling asleep in our bed, in front of the telly (which he doesn't watch yet) or other places. His bedroom and bed is where sleeping happens (of course the car seat is a valid alternative for him or the stroller if we are out during nap time).
I don't have anything against co-sleeping or never let a baby cry and such, but just it doesn't work for us and I think that being consistent is the most important thing. If Oliver has a bit of a fall or hits his head against a chair I tend not to make a big deal at all of it and he's quickly on his feet and back playing. If he plays with a drawer (safe content and safe drawer) he can just do it without me obsessing on the possibility that he may catch his finger in it (if he does, I console him and kiss said finger and he can keep playing if he wants to). I cuddle him loads and have lots of fun together playing any sort of games and he seems really happy to me. I cannot believe that I have to let him do what he wants when is sleeping time or else I'm a bad parent.
I think I'm realising now that perhaps I never knew how my parents would react to a particular request because there was not a consistent behaviour (yes to a brand new moped, but no to sleepovers. I could have my opinion but I had to be careful how I express it, while they could just say it as they saw it).
We had a series of disagreements on what we should do in particular situations (my father is convinced that if he has a bit of a cough we should not bathe him. As if we are bathing him on the balcony in cold water...Yet we should bring him out for walks no matter the weather. He should not sleep in a sleeping bag because he cannot stand up easily if he wakes...I argue that the sleeping bag is the safest thing) and I know that they just want to let me know what they think but this is my son and I don't think I have to justify what we do to them! It's tiring.
One last thing I need to vent. I mentioned we will be doing a FET this summer and my mother commented "Do you think you can handle two?" do I even have to answer?
I love them dearly and they would give their life for me and my sister but at times I just wish they stopped treating me like a child who doesn't know what's best.
Miraculously, Saturday night was much better. Another good night on Sunday, though it took Oliver a good hour to fall asleep (more crying etc with my parents saying he was awake and we should just let him be up for a while) and back to hell-night last night. We are wrecked and also back in work.
My parents are leaving on thursday and want to babysit Oliver (no crèche), which we have no problem with, but we have to find a solution to this behaviour.
Let's talk about what these two terrible pair (Mike and I) are doing that is so wrong and by all means do comment and let me know your point of view.
1) We believe in routine. Oliver has dinner around 7pm, then we have happy time in the bath and then he goes to bed, takes his bottle while we chat to him telling stories or just talking to him about our day, he gives us the bottle when he's done we kiss him and cuddle goodnight and close the door. Normally he goes asleep no problem without a sound. Occasionally we have to go back him a couple of times if he really doesn't settle.
2) We believe in a scheduled nap time (routine again I suppose). Same as when he is in the crèche, we put him down for his nap after lunch and he can sleep between 1 and 2.5 hours but he has to be up by 3 or the rest of the afternoon is a mess, then he doesn't want to eat/sleep etc.
3) When he wakes up during the night, we assess the situation (he's well, dry and doesn't really need anything other than company), give him back his soother if he has lost it ("soother emergency") and we consistently put him back down in his bed. Often he goes right back to sleep. If he's very upset, we give him a cuddle but keep the talk to a minimum, the light is always off (bar the night light), we do not engage in playing or other activities that may delay the go back to sleep. Of course if he's not well, we pick him up, give him paracetamol or similar, and stay up with him looking out the window etc. If we think he's hungry we of course feed him and by now I think we can have a good guess from his crying at what the problem is. I know there are different opinions on this but I am not sure there is just one right way of handling a crying baby or everyone would follow that one!
4) We don't have Oliver falling asleep in our bed, in front of the telly (which he doesn't watch yet) or other places. His bedroom and bed is where sleeping happens (of course the car seat is a valid alternative for him or the stroller if we are out during nap time).
I don't have anything against co-sleeping or never let a baby cry and such, but just it doesn't work for us and I think that being consistent is the most important thing. If Oliver has a bit of a fall or hits his head against a chair I tend not to make a big deal at all of it and he's quickly on his feet and back playing. If he plays with a drawer (safe content and safe drawer) he can just do it without me obsessing on the possibility that he may catch his finger in it (if he does, I console him and kiss said finger and he can keep playing if he wants to). I cuddle him loads and have lots of fun together playing any sort of games and he seems really happy to me. I cannot believe that I have to let him do what he wants when is sleeping time or else I'm a bad parent.
I think I'm realising now that perhaps I never knew how my parents would react to a particular request because there was not a consistent behaviour (yes to a brand new moped, but no to sleepovers. I could have my opinion but I had to be careful how I express it, while they could just say it as they saw it).
We had a series of disagreements on what we should do in particular situations (my father is convinced that if he has a bit of a cough we should not bathe him. As if we are bathing him on the balcony in cold water...Yet we should bring him out for walks no matter the weather. He should not sleep in a sleeping bag because he cannot stand up easily if he wakes...I argue that the sleeping bag is the safest thing) and I know that they just want to let me know what they think but this is my son and I don't think I have to justify what we do to them! It's tiring.
One last thing I need to vent. I mentioned we will be doing a FET this summer and my mother commented "Do you think you can handle two?" do I even have to answer?
I love them dearly and they would give their life for me and my sister but at times I just wish they stopped treating me like a child who doesn't know what's best.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Quiet time
Only three more weeks till the end of college term. Of course there will be exams after but at least the chaos on campus will be over. I had a very good week with two papers being accepted whohoo for me!
We had enjoyed a fantastic weather for a good ten days, I suspect that was our summer! Oh no wait, I'm going to Cali this summer!! So I'm bound to get a bit more sun, right?
Let's see what happened lately.
Oliver went back to the crèche on tuesday after a week of chicken pox. I would say it wasn't very bad but was not a light one either. We had a few rough nights and I was surprised to learn that actually the worst day for itchiness is the 3rd or 4th! We bathed him often which gave him great relief and of course we had all the ointments available of and I think they were also useful. He was off his food and generally quite unsettled but this is also part of the chicken pox virus I hear.
Any time we have a break from the crèche it's like a new induction every time he goes back, but at least this time with the good weather they were out in the yard playing most of the time and he had a fab time.
He's very demanding when at home and a bit of an actor when he doesn't get what he wants...but still sweet and cuddly.
Still no walking on his own really, unless you set him up for it, I suppose crawling is still much quicker, but he is now in love with our kitchen chairs which are his favourite walker...
This morning I bought him a few more toys and packed away the baby ones he's not even looking at anymore, we need to find things to keep him entertained when at home or we are all going insane!
Looking forward to Easter next weekend and the end of my chocolate free Lent!
We had enjoyed a fantastic weather for a good ten days, I suspect that was our summer! Oh no wait, I'm going to Cali this summer!! So I'm bound to get a bit more sun, right?
Let's see what happened lately.
Oliver went back to the crèche on tuesday after a week of chicken pox. I would say it wasn't very bad but was not a light one either. We had a few rough nights and I was surprised to learn that actually the worst day for itchiness is the 3rd or 4th! We bathed him often which gave him great relief and of course we had all the ointments available of and I think they were also useful. He was off his food and generally quite unsettled but this is also part of the chicken pox virus I hear.
Any time we have a break from the crèche it's like a new induction every time he goes back, but at least this time with the good weather they were out in the yard playing most of the time and he had a fab time.
He's very demanding when at home and a bit of an actor when he doesn't get what he wants...but still sweet and cuddly.
Still no walking on his own really, unless you set him up for it, I suppose crawling is still much quicker, but he is now in love with our kitchen chairs which are his favourite walker...
This morning I bought him a few more toys and packed away the baby ones he's not even looking at anymore, we need to find things to keep him entertained when at home or we are all going insane!
Looking forward to Easter next weekend and the end of my chocolate free Lent!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Outpouring of love and chicken pox (for real!)
You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for all the comments on my last post, it felt like a warm hug and I nearly had tears in my eyes. I LOVE this community, I truly do. Junebug and Alex said something about expanding our readership into parenting blogs (which I have not searched for to be honest, I like to read those I knew from the beginning of the journey) and I think they are right, I will do something about it.
Today is the first official day of Spring and my MIL 73 birthday! She is one amazing woman, after all she's been through she always seems to come out the other end with the same positive attitude. I wish her many more of these days.
This time I do believe Oliver has chicken pox. Yesterday when I picked him up from the crèche they mentioned he seemed to have a few spots in the nappy area but given the previous false alarm they didn't call us and just kept an eye on him. He was in fab form (while we had a few tantrums at home over the weekend) but this morning he definitely had a few more spots...he has no temp so we brought him in but I suspect we'll be called as soon as they change his nappy! Of course I have a very busy work schedule so we'll have to see how we can get through the next few days if we have to keep him home.
Better go, I have labs all day and a lecture in the middle!
Today is the first official day of Spring and my MIL 73 birthday! She is one amazing woman, after all she's been through she always seems to come out the other end with the same positive attitude. I wish her many more of these days.
This time I do believe Oliver has chicken pox. Yesterday when I picked him up from the crèche they mentioned he seemed to have a few spots in the nappy area but given the previous false alarm they didn't call us and just kept an eye on him. He was in fab form (while we had a few tantrums at home over the weekend) but this morning he definitely had a few more spots...he has no temp so we brought him in but I suspect we'll be called as soon as they change his nappy! Of course I have a very busy work schedule so we'll have to see how we can get through the next few days if we have to keep him home.
Better go, I have labs all day and a lecture in the middle!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Walking. Wooden wedding anniversary. Blogging.
Oliver took his first few steps unaided on Tuesday the 12th of March! You should have seen his little face when he realised what was happening! We spent a good while getting him to walk from me to Mike and viceversa. He'll be always on his feet in no time.
Tomorrow is our 5th anniversary and I just read wood is it's symbol...of course we don't have anything planned, it's St. Patrick's day and it's supposed to rain (nothing new there!) so I don't really feel like going to a parade to be honest. I'm finally feeling better but still not 100% despite the round of antibiotics and Oliver would get bored for sure.
I feel I have to add my 2 cents to the blogging "tension" currently going on. I never had one bad comment and never felt excluded by the blog-community. I also blog to keep track of what is happening and of course my blog moved from infertility and the drama that came with it to a pregnancy blog to a parenting blog. I don't know what else it'll be turning into in the future but I like to think that it can be anything I like. One thing I certainly noticed is that I can now count on one hand the comments I may get any time I post. I have cyber friends who I know will stop by to see what happens in my side of the World and would live a message, and other who may just be reading and say nothing. I would hope that, should I need support at some point in the future that they will be there for me like in the past, but of course I don't know that. I do feel a bit sad at times, as if I've lost friends. So I'm not sure if it's because the bloggers that once shared infertility and are now happily parenting have no time/need to come back and say hello, or if it's because there's now this parallel community which I didn't join but I really should, or if it's because my blog has become boring. Well, I tell you what, I am truly happy that my complaint now is that my life is normal and with no drama, long may it last!
Tomorrow is our 5th anniversary and I just read wood is it's symbol...of course we don't have anything planned, it's St. Patrick's day and it's supposed to rain (nothing new there!) so I don't really feel like going to a parade to be honest. I'm finally feeling better but still not 100% despite the round of antibiotics and Oliver would get bored for sure.
I feel I have to add my 2 cents to the blogging "tension" currently going on. I never had one bad comment and never felt excluded by the blog-community. I also blog to keep track of what is happening and of course my blog moved from infertility and the drama that came with it to a pregnancy blog to a parenting blog. I don't know what else it'll be turning into in the future but I like to think that it can be anything I like. One thing I certainly noticed is that I can now count on one hand the comments I may get any time I post. I have cyber friends who I know will stop by to see what happens in my side of the World and would live a message, and other who may just be reading and say nothing. I would hope that, should I need support at some point in the future that they will be there for me like in the past, but of course I don't know that. I do feel a bit sad at times, as if I've lost friends. So I'm not sure if it's because the bloggers that once shared infertility and are now happily parenting have no time/need to come back and say hello, or if it's because there's now this parallel community which I didn't join but I really should, or if it's because my blog has become boring. Well, I tell you what, I am truly happy that my complaint now is that my life is normal and with no drama, long may it last!
Friday, March 9, 2012
A cold, a weekend away and blogroll review
I had a cold since Monday. Nothing strange really these days, we seem to get sick in rotation. But this one is a really hard one to shift! By Monday night my left ear was completely blocked and it felt like my left side of the face was about to explode! Do you guys have colds on just one side? Of course I had a terrible night, not breathing, sore ear etc. Tuesday I went to the doctor, this cold lodged itself in the sinuses this is why I'm so miserable. My ear is also inflamed but the doc thought it was still likely to be just viral (and I agree), gave me a prescription for antibiotic just in case by Thursday I was no better. Wednesday I was worse, dizzy, sore etc. got tablets which are supposed to help with the sinusitis and they helped a bit. On Thursday I got the antibiotics and today I finally seem to have turned the corner a bit. Still feel quite spaced out which isn't helping my hypochondria...I won't even tell you my thoughts of the last few nights...but I'm sure you can imagine.
Tomorrow we are going to visit friends in the South West and I really hope to be in top shape and not ruin anyone's day. It will be our first weekend away as a family and I feel both excited and a bit anxious about it. We will stay with our friends (they have two children) so hopefully I'll be able to just relax!
So in these days at home I have gone through my blogroll and realised there were still many blogs (not necessarily showing in my side bar) that had not written a thing in over a year. Actually a few didn't even exist anymore! So I did a bit of a clear out. Of course I did the same with my emails. It gives me great pleasure to hit "delete"!
Now...if I could only tackle the house...
oh and I thought I'd mention that today is my parents' 38th anniversary! Wohooo well done mom and dad, not an easy thing these days!
Tomorrow we are going to visit friends in the South West and I really hope to be in top shape and not ruin anyone's day. It will be our first weekend away as a family and I feel both excited and a bit anxious about it. We will stay with our friends (they have two children) so hopefully I'll be able to just relax!
So in these days at home I have gone through my blogroll and realised there were still many blogs (not necessarily showing in my side bar) that had not written a thing in over a year. Actually a few didn't even exist anymore! So I did a bit of a clear out. Of course I did the same with my emails. It gives me great pleasure to hit "delete"!
Now...if I could only tackle the house...
oh and I thought I'd mention that today is my parents' 38th anniversary! Wohooo well done mom and dad, not an easy thing these days!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Progress
You know the way toddlers will imitate what you say, trying to sound the same? Well as of yesterday we had a few cute things to report. No, no words that we can understand yet, but this is better.
First he now puts one hand to his hear a makes a sound that's like "hello?" and so we have endless fun pretending to make phone calls.
He shakes his hand and says "hu hu" (no no) when he knows he shouldn't do something (and yet...)
He points at the light, at Carlito and at Mike when asked the question "where is....?" in either language. No, mamma is not in the picture apparently!
But the absolute cherry goes to the fact that he now can imitate sneezes!! It's really funny to see and he has a great time doing it (with the head movement and all!). We have it on tape too!
I thought I had to make a post of this for future laughs!
First he now puts one hand to his hear a makes a sound that's like "hello?" and so we have endless fun pretending to make phone calls.
He shakes his hand and says "hu hu" (no no) when he knows he shouldn't do something (and yet...)
He points at the light, at Carlito and at Mike when asked the question "where is....?" in either language. No, mamma is not in the picture apparently!
But the absolute cherry goes to the fact that he now can imitate sneezes!! It's really funny to see and he has a great time doing it (with the head movement and all!). We have it on tape too!
I thought I had to make a post of this for future laughs!
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