Wrapping up ICLW

This week really flew away! For me it has been a week filled with things to do and novelties. To wrap them all up here goes the list:

1) I had the WTF review on tuesday which went well, the plan is to have a hysteroscopy to make sure I have nothing that impedes the implantation in the uterus and then schedule the FET with the single penguin we had in this cycle. I will be on a modified protocol this time which will involve Viagra to maximise the blood flow to the uterus. I look forward to the experience :o)

2) Patches and the Dude came home also on tuesday, they quickly got to know each other and now are inseparable! They sleep together, play together, and even lick each other, so we are delighted with that. Patches was very affectionate from the very beginning, the Dude on the contrary was quite shy and would hiss at you if you were getting too close or try to pet him. Well, yesterday both Mike and I were able to pet him for quite a while (from under the table)! We are hopeful that he will relax a bit more but we know it may take some time.

3) My second PhD student submitted his thesis on friday! What a milestone for him (and for me!) I am really happy with the way his project turned out so hopefully the external examiner will be of the same opinion. The viva will be some time in April.

4) Mum and Dad have finally booked a flight to come visiting after Easter. It took two kittens to get them over here! They will love them and this is now the main topic of conversation when we chat on skype "how are the kittens?" "What do they do?" "Can you show them to us?" and so on. Bless them.

5) I have booked a weekend in London with my best friend, we are going to go to an amazing Spa (check it out here) in March! We went there for my 30th birthday 5 and a half years ago, it was about time we were going back!

6) Last but not least, I found new blogs to follow and I look forward to get to know better my cyber-frineds.

All about the kittens

Yes, we have them at home since monday and all my IF sadness seems to have magically disappeared!! I had full-on AF as it always happen after a failed cycle, headaches from hell due to quitting the steroids and yet I am so happy!

So, I don't have new pics for the moment, but I'll post definitely more soon. Patches and The Dude are settling in very well, they have started playing with each other in a very friendly/playful manner, no more hissing! And also The Dude is much less shy, still doesn't want to be picked up and would quickly "run to safety" if he thinks you are getting too close, but I'm confident it'll pass soon. Patches is very very cuddly, he starts purring before you even pet him! I can't wait to go home in the evening.

There you have it, I've turned into the mad-childless-woman who talks only about her cats!

Ahh no, I'll be posting about the attic also and the adoption and the next IF steps as soon as I have some news, so don't go away, I'll be missing you terribly!!

The kitties and the WTF review

Please welcome....the newest members of the family....

Patches O'Houlihan and The Dude Lebowski!

I can't believe we have kittens in the house! Well you may wonder about the names, I know, not the most classic cat names, but we had seen Dodgeball recently and Patches O'Houlihan really cracked Mike up (apparently the surname is typically Irish but no way the name is!) and we decided no matter what the cat looked like, if it was male or female, we would have have had a Patches! So Patches is the stripy-patchy one on the left, he's probably 3 months old and very affectionate. You pick it up and he starts purring in no time. The Dude is actually very shy, and walks really low on the ground, but he has eaten already and although Patches hisses at him a bit he's really cool about it! So Patches and The Dude are now adopted, they have found a cosy place under a trolley in the kitchen where the photo was taken and they don't seem to mind sharing it (allright, Patches is not too pleased...) we are very happy and I'll keep you posted on how they settle in.

And what do you know, while I was at the shelter I got the WTF phone call! Dr. W (the Super Doctor, the one who did the transfer) started with "Oh, Fran, I'm so frustrated it didn't work, you must be too!" oh yeah...you got that right doc! Anyway, he thinks that maybe this cycle the quality of the blasts wasn't as high as the last time, nothing to be read into it really, it just happens. He also said that we should go ahead with the penguin, you never know, it's a nice blast, likely to survive the thaw, we'll be changing a bit the protocol so that I won't be on so much estrogen and we add a bit of Viagra to the mix. Seriously. I said right so, how about we make sure we have nothing to worry with my uterus? Can I have a hysteroscopy? He said sure! I would have suggested it myself if this FET failed, might as well get it done beforehand! And so he's contacting the doctor in one of the Hospitals (very near home) and we'll get that sorted out and then here we'll schedule the FET. He was really positive about us, he said that I always got pregnant on fresh cycles, it's just in the odds that sometime it doesn't work or they would have stats of 100% success per transfer!

Anyway, it may have been that I had Patches and the Dude ready to go home, but I was very happy about the conversation, again the clinic is really hands-on and I'm sure they really want to get me pregnant!

ICLW lifesaver week

Thank God it's here. The ICLW week I mean. When I signed up for this round I was starting my ICSI #3 and of course I didn't know which three words to put down. I think I put "uncertainty" as one of them. Well, that's definitely the right word for my current situation.

Let's recap for the new readers:

IUI: 1

ICSI fresh attempts: 3

FET: 2

BFP: 2

Ectopic pregnancies: 2 (the same two as the BFP)

Tubes left: 0

Penguins available: 1

Needless to say, it is difficult to stay positive, I have my WTF review on tuesday and I hope we will have a strategy for what to do next. After the BFN just last week, I started looking into other options such as surrogacy, thinking that it's my uterus that has something wrong, but upon researching a good bit that doesn't seem to be a likely cause in our case. It could be just the chance of bad embryos like I blogged about a few days ago. We always made it to blasts, even from frozen transfers, but who knows.

My cycle-buddies all got pregnant, as it always happens with me, and the title of my blog never felt more appropriate (a part from the fact that it was not an easy journey for them either).

On our plate there is also the adoption route. After months of silence (we put in our application in June 09), I got a call last week that everything is now in order and we will receive a waiting list number for the preparation course within 3 weeks. The course will be available to us probably in 12 months (18 at the latest) and this means that our infertility treatments have now a time limit because we have to stop them 6 months prior to the beginning of the course.

So how do I cope with the difficulties I'm facing at the moment? Well, a part from the fantastic support of my cyber-friends and some IRL people, I finally convinced Mike to add fur-babies to our household! And on tuesday we'll pick up two young cats from one of the shelters! Pictures and names will be revealed then! Do stay tuned!

The pet project

We went to the DSPCA this morning and decided to adopt two cats!! We should be able to bring them home on tuesday, they have to be checked by the vet and microchipped before we can take them. I'll definitely post pics, they are soo cute! Hopefully they'll get on well with each other, they are still quite small, it shouldn't be a problem...

And this is really what I need right now, something to keep me busy, to care for something else other that Mike and myself.

My cyber-blog-friend Wishi just posted her outstanding beta, do stop by if you can, she certainly didn't have an easy journey and it's great to see that it may take time and various attempts but it does work in the end. And it's another one for the Fertilty Goddess' CV, I haven't missed one yet.

I cannot deny it, I do feel left behind, I so wanted this cycle to work for us and it didn't. Seeing the others celebrating and knowing I cannot celebrate and dream with them is tough.

The cats cannot be home soon enough...

The Fertility Goddess (for others of course!)

Well well well, some of you know this already, I seem to be a very good lucky charm for whoever cycles with me!! It started on my very first cycle, even before I had a blog back in 2008. I was cycling at the same time as two gilrs on a local board, we all got pregnant even if mine wasn't meant to be. On my second fresh cycle last summer I had four cyber-blog-friends within a couple of days of transfer . Again, we all got pregnant, for two of us it wasn't meant to be, one is having a boy and the other two are having twins!

And this time I had two cyber-blog-friends cycling with me, one just announced her pregnancy!! Congratulation tireegal I'll be moving you soon to the "other" list!! The other one, Wishi, is very good and won't test early, but her beta day is on Saturday! I am so confident this is her time!

So, am I a Fertility Goddess for others? But what about me?? Where is my Fertility Goddess?? Would you stop hiding??

I'm selling tickets next time!! And I wonder...can I put in on my CV?

Anyway, this morning I had to test again to confirm the BFN and call the clinic. Done now, it wasn't too bad. And review on tuesday so really not long now.

So there was the need for a good news around here and I got a call from the adoption board!! Can you believe it?? They wanted some final clarifications on MIL kidney transplant (that it wasn't a genetic issue) and also know more about our IVF plans. So I knew they have no problem with IVFers but they want a full commitment from 6 months prior the beginning of the preparation course. Given that they had told us the waiting list was 18-24 months is not like we were under any pressure. I was very honest, their latest file was updated last June so they didn't know about the second ectopic and obviously about this latest failure. I asked what was the current waiting time for the prep course and she said...drums please...12 months from now!!! That's much sooner than expected!! We should get our number within 3 weeks and if not to call her! I mean...she said to call her!! In any case we'll be called six months before the start of the course so that we can resubmit the medicals on fertility treatments and make sure we have a decision then. Holy cow! This means that we'll definitely cycle again in the summer (queue here please, priority boarding first! no pushing... the Fertility Goddess can deal with as many as 50 cyclers!) and we'll see how it goes!

On the puppy front. Thanks so much for all the comments, this definitely convinced us completely! We'll go to the DSPCA tomorrow (thanks C!) and we see what's there. I also already found a daycare for dogs! Although we are not sure yet if i's going to be a dog (or two!) or a cat (or two!!)

Note: Linda if you are reading, drop me an email and I'll tell you more about transfer and ectopic pregnancies, I couldn't find your email address!

So what now

Thanks to each and everyone of you. I just have no words. Thanks for all the tips on having a pet, I think Mike is nearly convinced!!! We may go for a small dog, there are many places around where we are that will take it if we go out of the Country, so it's doable!! I'll keep you posted of course.

I read a lot yesterday if it's really possible that my uterus is "unsuitable" for pregnancies like I feared. I found a clinic in Chicago that deals with failed implantation and that has a very informative website on all the known causes of pre-implantation loss, peri-implantation loss and of course post-implantation loss. I'll post it here because it was really helpful

http://www.illinoisivf.com/recurrent-pregnancy-loss/index-rpl.html

I would be in the category of either pre- or peri-implantation loss. I don't have hormonal issues (ie I do respond to estrogen and progesterone and my lining thickens), I don't seem to have a physical uterine issues (polyps, submucous fybroids or scarring) and I'm dealing with the mild immuno issues with the intralipids. So it could in fact have been the embryos.

"Data from preimplantation genetic diagnosis suggest that 30% to 90% of in vitro fertilized eggs depending on maternal age are chromosomally abnormal. Furthermore, it has been estimated that 75% of karyotypically normal pre-implantation embryos fail to implant."

That's sound like there is a chance that maybe next time we'll be ok! We still got two pregnancies out of 5 transfers (plus one chemical at the second FET), so really we are well within the stats (still it sucks that it didn't work!).

The other thing is the position of the transfer. It's a very fine line and I think given that I don't have tubes any more we may risk a higher transfer next time.

My WTF phone-appointment is scheduled for next tuesday, I'll ask if it's worth my while having a third laparoscopy, to tidy properly the left over stumps of the tubes, remove the external fybroid and perhaps having a look to see if I do have any scarring from my exploratory lap&dye and D&C back in December 07. I'll ask also about surrogacy in Ireland, a friend yesterday said she'll be our carrier...can you believe that? Although I was moved by her gesture I don't think she thought it through and I'm not sure if she would even be suitable (she's 3 years older than me, had hormonal issues in past etc.). Still it was so generous for her to offer.

No calls from the adoption board of course, not sure what to do, if you are seen as an impatient harasser it doesn't really work in your favour!

Overall I feel well, my scientific thirst for knowledge is satisfied for now and I feel more relaxed about our future chances. I went to yoga yesterday and it was great, gong again this evening for a "Goddess gathering" of meditation and positive energy! Just what the doctor ordered!