Thursday, May 21, 2015

Updates

Time is slipping through my fingers it seems. All of a sudden is the end of another week and we are one week away from leaving for Davis!

I went back to the UK on monday and the visit was excellent once again. Shortlisting will take place tomorrow, it appears I will be shortlisted and they'll fly me back from California sometime over the summer for the interview. Phew, that's intense but so so flattering they think I am a good candidate for the post! Mike when I told him about me going back for a second visit had a serious melt down. I never see them coming and every time it wrecks my mind and shakes me to the core. His negativity was global, could not see us living in the UK, did it not matter to me that the children were born in Ireland, he could not imagine them growing up in the UK, English people are very different form the Irish etc. Serious serious shit came up. Thankfully these are rare events, in 12 years together I think this is the third time, but I know I can't take many more of them and told him as much. The following day I had a headache from hell, couldn't eat etc. Only in the evening he had already changed his mind as he saw that there are a ton of opportunities for him too, he in fact knows someone there already etc. It's unreal. He is completely incapable of dealing with changes, in fact he doesn't want to talk about possibilities until they are more probabilities and so all my efforts of initiating a discussion on possibly moving for the last few weeks were ditched pretty quickly by him with "well, there's really nothing to talk about yet, is there?". I do feel we are very disconnected at the moment, I have my own things, my own thoughts and he is somewhere in the background. I actually prefer to discuss this possibility with colleagues who are super supportive than with my husband. There's something wrong here, isn't it? Let's hope the summer will help us regroup.

Oliver is back to his normal sweet self and is a pleasure to have around, however this weekend, starting tomorrow evening I'm on my own with the children as Mike is running a race in the west of Ireland with his friends. So give me some strength and calm, I'll need it!!

3 comments:

  1. Poor you, poor Mike! you guys do have a lot going on right now, moving to the US is a big stressor for anyone I would think, so maybe the UK thing was simply one thing too many at this time. So sorry you had to go through that.
    I'm optimistic that Mike will find some peace in running the race, doing something physical.
    And I'm hoping very much that the two of you will make some time for just the two of you, go on a date and begin steps to reconnect. It is easy to spend time on work and kids, it is hard work to remember to not take each other for granted.
    You have gone through enough hard times to know you can survive! You will be fine with the kids, and as relaxation you will dream of what you want to do on your date with Mike. ;)
    Good luck and good fun!

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  2. I know how stressful a big move can be. I always, always hate the transition part and just want to be settled. I find marriage is so much harder with toddlers in the mix. I just feel like we never get a chance to have a conversation with each other until after 8 pm and then I'm usually so touched and talked out I just want to sit down and read or watch TV to recharge (that's an introvert for ya).

    I also know how tough single-parenting can be. (I'm on day 19, not that I'm counting...) Some days I feel like all I do is reprimand. Here's to hoping you and the kids have a fun weekend.

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  3. Sorry that Mike isn't being as supportive as you would like him to be. It's tough when one person is happy about possibilities and the other is not. Have you tried being supportive of Mike and how he is feeling. May seem counter-intuitive, but he may actually be more supportive of you if he feels he's being heard and considered. I really hope this summer brings you closer together! (and I also really hope you get the positions!)

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