Tuesday, November 25, 2014

#MicroblogsMonday: The Walking Dead

The series is in its fifth season and we only started watching the show about two weeks ago. I don't know how it happens but I obviously discover fab series well into their galore when they have won popularity contests year on year. It happened with How I met your mother, Grey's anatomy, House... and so I go on a binge of a couple of episodes per night and feel like I am actually in the series...it's so so odd! We are now finished season two and I just can't wait to get going with season 3. I may have caught up by the time the season break is over.
Of course this is a totally different kind of show which if someone had mentioned to me I would have probably thought it was a load of crap...zombies?? Come on...that's so 1990s, right? But no, this is fab and has me watching it from behind a warm blanket on the couch, never alone and thinking what will happen next. I then check my very strong composite door is properly locked and go to bed.

Arrgh...any other series I'm missing?

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

All clear!

Today I had the double assessment (mammogram and ultrasound) and consultant visit. Within one and half hours I was fully reassured there was nothing wrong and in fact I was told already by the time I got to do the ultrasound that the mammogram looked completely normal. I was extremely impressed with the service and the kindness of the nurses and doctors. The breast specialist saw exactly what I meant with the fold in the nipple tissue but reassured me that it was nothing pathological and probably due to breastfeeding. I am so relieved.

This is the third time this year I am thinking I'm dying. I need to go on medications or I will eventually get ill with all this stress. Will talk to the GP about this the next time.

Monday, November 10, 2014

#MicroblogMondays Work and Anxiety hand in hand

I did not get shortlisted for the first job I applied to a month ago. I found this out on Saturday night. No, I didn't get an email, they leave you hanging. Only shortlisted people get the email. I was so upset. Mostly as I felt I was worthless. I got a bit better when I heard that one person that was shortlisted was an internal candidate at post doc level. So if they want a junior position then I am overqualified. I wish they told me rather than give me hope. I was really hoping to get called.

I'm having a mammogram and ultrasound on wedensday. The GP referred me just to be super cautious after my visit last week to the Breast Clinic. Somehow I thought it would be a few weeks before they called me and she said it was going to be non urgent. When I got the call this morning for an appointment this Wednesday I nearly fell off the chair. The lady explained that as I have private health insurance they have reserved slots every Wednesday. There is no emergency, no rush put by consultant, only they had a vacant slot and wanted to know if I wanted it. I took it. And I'm shaking since.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Health update

I went to the GP on monday, she was a new one in the place (they get one position rotating among those that have hospital posts to keep up to date etc) and was lovely. Told me absolutely I should call down if I'm worried, that's what they are there for etc.
She did a full breast exam and could not see/feel anything wrong which was great and very reassuring. Of course it was a bit cold so the "grove" effect I see when the left nipple is flat was no there. Eventually I adjusted and she managed to see a bit (like a mild version) of what I meant and said because of the behaviour it is probably a superficial skin damage maybe due to breastfeeding!! Remember all the problems I had with breastfeeding? All the bleeding, constant damage to the nipples? Maybe that is it. She said she is absolutely not worried but will talk to the other doctors and see if they feel we should do further checks. I'm a relieved, hopefully I'll convince myself that they know what they are talking about and even with no scans I'll put it to rest.

Valery you have been so kind, I think I know the triggers. Any time I'm working towards a goal (going to the US in the summer, maybe changing job etc) I start having anxiety. Generally health related and things that make me think "oh perhaps I won't be able to do nothing at all, if I'm ill I won't be able to [...insert whatever the project is...]". Hugs my friend.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Can you believe I have yet a new anxiety attack?

This time is my breast. The left one. October was breast aware month, I have always been breast aware and checked myself regularly. So everything feels absolutely normal, I don't have a lump I can feel. But I did notice that when I lift my arms, if the nipples are not erected, the left one retracts to the side. The right one is normal. If the nipples are erected then there is no visible difference. I have to say I couldn't tell you when this change happen, I think I may have paid more attention to this as I heard an interview of a lady who mentioned her only thing was a retracted nipple (no lumps). Needless to say I'll call/go to the GP on monday. They haven't seen me for a while, must be happy. How did I skip the step of looking at myself in front of the mirror it's beyond me. I tend to do breast self-exams in the shower or in bed and with arms down there is nothing different, with nipples erected and arms up/down same. So unless nipples are flat the doctor won't see what I'm seeing.
Will I ever stop worrying?