#MicroblogsMonday: Oliver's sleep, dry nights and Fulbright

Oliver's sleep has much improved. We went to visit FIL this weekend and Oliver seemed very very happy to share the room with Martina. In fact he insisted to sleep in the same room as her. Didn't wake up till 7.45 am and it was the best weekend away we ever had from that point of view. When we came home on sunday night we moved Martina's bed into his room and again there was not a problem. Maybe we found a very simple solution? Maybe he was just lonely? Time will tell! With proper sleep and proper routine he is back to be a lovely child 99.5% of the time and we are all much more relaxed.

Another thing I didn't update the blog about was the fact that while Oliver has been dry at night almost always, we would have had accidents happening every so often and so we kept him in a nappy just in case. When we came back from Italy he said: "Mamma I don't want to have a nappy anymore, I'm 4 now and I can wear underpants at night. I will not have an accident" and he never did. My big boy!

Finally, 4 days till the Fulbright interview. A bit nervous, mostly about the fact that this week is so so full in work I won't have time to pee and I'm afraid by the time friday comes it'll be a miracle if I can put two sentences together....

Please, sleep!

Thank you so much for the kind words about MIL, we appreciated a lot.


This post is going to be about Oliver. As always going on holidays has a lethal effect on this boy's routine. The last couple of night in Italy he just didn't seem tired at all and wanted to be up and chatting till all hours. He probably was up with my dad till about 11.30 pm. In the morning he had no problem getting up at his usual 8.30. Not good. He was cranky and hyper all day. By the time we got home we had to go to my in laws for the funeral and again he was still totally off form, in that kind of way that makes you going demented as he is pushing buttons I didn't even know I had. Next we started reinforcing a proper routine and he is just plain resisting. He answers back, he is rude to us and just seems to want to scream his head off all the time at the drop of a hat. We are tip toeing around him. We tried to be strict, we wrote rules in lovely colours we all signed but it's not having any effect. Some days I actually worry he is on the spectrum. The other days I'm telling myself I'm as usual over reacting and he is just a 4 year old. He doesn't want to go to sleep, he wants me to read a book, then tell him a story, then lie down on the carpet, then in his bed. This last night went on for over an hour and I was so so tired I had to go to bed and get Mike on the case. He doesn't want daddy, only mamma. He ended up staying up till 10.30 when he then fell asleep on the couch and Mike brought him up to bed. He was up at 4.30 and in our room (which has been happening since we have come back) and wanting to sleep with us. Which means I no longer sleep at all as he is poking me in the back, wants to hold my hand etc. And I have to get up at 6.45 to be in work for 9 am teaching. I am a walking wreck. And while I tell myself it's a phase, deep down I wonder "is it really?". And what about Martina? She can sleep for Ireland now, it's a pleasure putting her to bed (which I never do because Oliver would throw a fit) and at least so far we had no regression.
Rant over, dreading the night ahead. Any advice welcome.

Back to normality

Nothing happened. My mother must have said nothing as I did not notice any change in my father's mood. That was a good move. We both put that conversation behind and just moved on with the holiday which was calmer. A part from one of the last evenings when Oliver was given chocolate biscuits by a friend of my parents (seriously...) at around 6.30 pm. He was WILD. WILD. I did very well in controlling myself and actually directing him to run up and down the garden while I was "timing" him to burn some energy. Still it was tough. Tough to control him, tough not to loose patience, tough not to shout at him to just please calm down. My parents sort of stayed very quiet as I am sure they could see how many buttons were pushed at once and literally he was unmanageable. But we made it.
We had again a major sleep regression while on holidays which meant that we had to stay with him till he was asleep (could take 45 minutes) and read a number of stories which kept getting interrupted as soon as the end was nearing. Classic tactic which we normally don't indulge but of course, to avoid him screaming the house down and waking Martina (superchampion sleeper since she decided to sleep through the night at 10 months) and Clarissa (much less of a champion) we gave in.
So we are retraining again now that is the second night at home and this evening he was happy after the story was read, for me to sit on the stairs with my laptop dealing with emails but so that he could see me from his bed. He was asleep within 10 minutes. This is major progress. Let's hope it will continue. I would love for him not to be resisting sleep so much, i know he is 95% of the time adorable, but I swear, that 5% will make a saint go to Hell.

This brings me to introduce the education model I would like to follow and the constant battles I fight with myself not to be too much of a general when he pushes my button (and the guilt I feel when I don't manage).
I don't want to slap him (not even on the bum) and I want words to be all that is needed to deal with misbehaviour. Slaps don't make anyone behave any better, they only perpetrate fear and the idea that if someone does something you don't agree with then you slap him. I deeply believe that is wrong. However, it does happen that Oliver gets a slap on his bum, always after warnings which he happily ignores it seems.
Both Mike and I need to motivate eachother in this, obviously we both got slapped when we didn't do what we were told and I still remember it with a feeling of hopelessness as I could never react.
You read everything and its opposite when it come to slaps, so I understand if you feel this is part of a normal education for children (within reason I hope and never to harm a child!), perhaps even just as a quick way to "shock" the child out of a bad behaviour. I just don't want to be that parent.
So I am trying to read various other points of view and articles, and like always I need something that gives me power (even just psychological) to keep calm during classic toddler misbehaviour.
I think the best phrase I have read and that I have used since I read it, is to repeat to yourself that "you are the adult and you can definitely deal with this" "he is a child and does what children do" "his behaviour is not a reflection of you failing as a parent, he is just being a normal 3 and half year old" "it is a phase and it will pass".
Lately we have been dealing with awful behaviour in shops if we don't buy him something, if we don't let him out of the trolley (he inevitably runs away every time we do put him down despite the promises not to do so) etc. I have read and implemented a great strategy that felt like the discovery of hot water but I never thought of it that clearly. It is essential with toddlers to inform them of what is about to happen and to make sure they know the consequences of their behaviour. So it goes like this "we are going shopping now, we have to get what is written on the list. I know you are going to be a good boy, there is no room for misbehaviour in the shop. If it happens that you forget, I will remind you why we are in the shop, but if you forget again and still misbehave I will bring you back to the car and we will not buy anything at all, is this ok? Shall we go?" With Oliver this technique worked like magic. I was worried he was going to misbehave and I wouldn't bring home a single item, but he actually didn't. Since I have used this technique. Magic. I have also read that with smaller children it may be good to have a "magic" piece of paper in the car that you can read to them before doing whatever you have to do and the points are always 3, state what is about to happen, state what you expect the child to do and state what will happen if he does not do what you expect him to do. Keep it short and real (don't make any threats, just state a reasonable consequence for misbehaviour). This works also when we go to the playground and going home was delirious, there was always "one more slide" and "two more minutes". I was getting stressed even at the thought of going to the playground as I knew I would be that mother with that child.
Hopefully as we settle back in our routine of work and creche we will find a healthy equilibrium.
Your thoughts are much appreciated.

Slliding doors

Well, I can't believe it's been so long since I posted last. And I had just said I wanted to blog more!

I am working on a photographic post about the children and Carlito as per kind request of Valery, nearly there!

I was hoping to have a post this weekend on some more DIY we are doing to the house. We are replacing the door to the en-suite for a sliding one. Mike is doing it all, following a video on youtube!! That is awesome let me tell you, and it will be perfect I have no doubt. But of course it wasn't done in 3 days, probably it won't be done before we go on holidays on sunday, but we'll be very close to have it finished.

And at the same time we kind of made up our mind we'd like to move...sell the house and buy a fixerupper so to speak, something to put our stamp on like we did with this one, but hopefully with a bit of a garden. I must admit the reason why I am set on moving is our neighbours living on the ground floor...they are lovely people but constantly smoke. We live on a toxic cloud of stale cigarette smoke. I hate it. I know I'm particularly sensitive to it, I think it's disgusting and above all it's disgraceful I cannot enjoy my balcony or have the children play there because every 5 minutes one of them is out smoking. Their place stink just as you walk by it. They are not infringing any rule of course, there'e nothing that can be done. We did last year some works to eliminate the smells coming through the vents, but there's nothing we can do about the air that comes into the apartment from outside!! Anyway, that's it, we had our place evaluated and that gives us an idea of what we can afford. So eyes peeled to the websites hoping to see something suitable at some point.

Project California is well underway, when I come back from the holidays at the end of the month I will start writing a proposal for funding, I have the full support of the College and Mike is enthusiastic too, my parents will likely come with us for a while at least, it should be good!!

Still on work, I have been asked to give an oral presentation at a conference in Belgium in October, I am so happy about this, for one reason or another I mainly presented posters to conferences, so this will work a treat to increase my visibility.

We have some serious regression in the sleeping department with Oliver, I will have another post about this as I have started to lose my temper with him and this is NOT the way I want to parent, so I will share some nice tips that are helping me which I found from reading different articles etc.

I love you all my readers, wherever you are.

10 month old update

Oh man, we were sick with the flu complicated by a strep throat infection. Both Mike and I are on antibiotics, that didn't make for a fun week let me tell you! But now we are all well, the children escaped it somehow so at least it's just us having to recover.
My periods seems to have settled on a 21-23 days in length which is a real pain, mostly for the pool. Thankfully this time it coincided with being sick so I would not have been able to go swimming anyway. I will start again tomorrow.

Martina is 10 months old today, she has been teething non stop since her first tooth not even a month ago, she has 4 through and a 5th one nearly there, the poor chicken can't get a bit of a break, but at least then they'll be out and we can move on.

Both herself and Oliver went for their developmental check 10 days ago, and all is well. She is crawling at speed now, with a straight leg in front of her (quite funny to watch) and gives the impression she is going to stand up an walk instead. I'd say it wont be long.
We finally moved her into her room on friday, two days shy of ten month as our room-mate, but what can I tell you, she is still waking once at least, it was just unthinkable to do it when she was up 3/4 times a night. She seems to love her room and for us it's nearly strange not to have to tip toe when we go to bed.

Oliver is my big boy, I have started changing a bit my way of relating to him (I was a bit short fused for a while and threats were my way of getting him to to things), we spend much more quality time together, including going to the pool just the two of us at weekends and it is really helping building trust and recognising boundaries. I am proud of myself and really really proud of him too.

I am also doing well, still haven't started with the new therapist (very difficult to match her schedule with mine and she is very busy), I'll see her in just over a week, very curious about it. The chiropractor has given me a new life for sure, I am so so happy, now I'm going to see him every 10 days or so and then it'll be once a month for maintenance. I'm stil keeping a diary for headaches and general feelings, it really helps to notice how long I now go without a headache. Long may it last!

Back in Dublin and MIL update

I flew back with Martina on Sunday, Oliver didn't even blink when I left (I told him I was going home to pick up dad so we could all come back together) and so far the reports from Italy is that he's having a blast.
Life with just one child is soooooo easy it's unbelievable, we seem to have lots of time to do things (and cuddles wohoohhoo!!) and yes of course we look forward to be 4 again but we are enjoying this break too. Martina is still not sleeping, but as of last sunday I definitely stopped breastfeeding (I was only doing the falling asleep feed for the last while). So her routine (buuhahahhh) is that she has a bottle going to bed and then we let her sleep (if she is in the mood to do so) till she wakes for the night bottle around 1 or 2 and we don't feed her anymore till morning (and she is not that hungry at that time either). Last night I slept with earplugs and at the other side of the bed, Mike looked after her for the night and was exhausted this morning...well, what can I say, I have been doing it for the last 7 and half months, welcome to my world! Our plan of sleep training her this week have gone down the drain, I am so overwhelmed with work between scripts to correct, a paper I'd like to submit, a review I have to do and two projects to write by the end of January, I just cannot face nights of endless crying. So i don't know, we'll just put up with it and hope for some change soon.

I wanted to write an update on MIL. Things took a turn a couple of weeks back and she was in so much pain. They decided they had to do more surgery and amputate above the knee. This was the proverbial straw...she has been very very down since, we asked for the hospital to arrange a councillor as she is definitely not coping with the new situation. Mike was telling me that yesterday she was saying things like "life is not worth living anymore" and I don't think she ever ever said those words, despite all the things she has gone through in life. This evening she seemed a bit better and was talking even on her phone (she was hardly talking to anyone for the last few days), so hopefully she can find some new strength. Please if you can keep he in your thoughts it would be much appreciated. We are living on monday to go to Italy and I know Mike has a heavy heart...

From Italy, with love

I flew with the children to Italy on Tuesday and I'll stay for almost two weeks. I have to say the flights were much better than I thought. Oliver was on his best behaviour and Martina slept a bit on both legs of the journey. We stopped over in Frankfurt for just over an hour and we manage to all go to the toilet with no accidents. For Oliver was a big adventure, he was mamma's helper and really made me proud. On the fully booked Dublin-Frankfurt flight, the flight attendant near the end realised I was travelling on my own (I had a very nice and helpful German lady sitting beside me) and commented on how calm I was and was I used to it. I said no, first time on my own with two and thought about saying something like "it's the happy pill that keeps me sane" but then again, what if she didn't think I was joking and really thought I was high on something? So I didn't say it. But I was incredibly calm.

On thing that made the journey that bit more challenging was that I was on day 2 of my period so I was very self conscious. I was also loaded as a Sherpa and briefly contemplated wearing Martina only to be thankful I didn't as I really had too many bits and pieces and the stroller was our little mule. Oliver used the toilet 3 times on the plane including a poo about 30 minutes before landing which meant the "go back to your seat" sign lit up almost as soon as Oliver sat on the loo (can you imagine the amount of time I said "don't touch that it's dirty!!!"). Anyway, we got to Bologna safe and sound and I realised how much my son has grown in the last 4 months. This journey was unthinkable only in the summer.

The first night here, Martina slept seven hours straight. That almost never happens. Of course the next night she was up every hour or so... Go figure. One other important think is that I decided to fully wean Martina. My boobs are sore again, and I have had enough of this. I feel like a champ for having lasted so long with so many problems and I'm hoping this will give us at home a bit more exchange-ability at night time. To those of you who still believe there is "a method" that works with every child please keep it to yourself. In my experience is the child that has a method, either it agrees with yours or it doesn't. The child will sleep eventually, but you have little to do with when that will happen. I too had a child who slept through very early and now I have another one who would need to be sedated to do the same. Daytime sleeps are textbook, nights are a beast of their own. Ah well.

I leave you with some love, chat soon!

Back from Italy, 20 weeks old, Tracy Hogg

We are back! Flying with the children is fine, so much so that I'm going to go solo with them in December when I'll be off work! And that flight will actually be 2 as I have to go through Hamburg...let's hope for the best.

Our time in Italy was great, Oliver slept with no problems thankfully which made his mood and overall enjoyment of the weather superb.

Clarissa, Oliver and Martina

Martina on the other hand...does not sleep through the night at all, wakes generally between 11.30 and 1 am, then again around 4 and then at 6...not good. At least I now have her in bed by 8.30-9.00 consistently which is something. During the day she can somewhat successfully fall asleep in the stroller (morning and lunchtime) but she cries. I can count on one hand the times that she just fell asleep on her own without crying. It's hard. I'm resisting latching her on during the day for naps (but still do at night time) or we'll never come out of that and I'm going back to work in 6 short weeks...She still cat-naps but I'm working on it, mostly because I know she is not well rested after only 40 minutes.
An update on the tongue-tie. My friend the surgeon doesn't think she has it at all, and when in Italy my parents insisted we brought the children to a peady there (you know...the best in the city, yadayadayada) as Martina was still coughing and my dad was convinced Oliver's knees were converging too much. I want to add that I believed Oliver's legs were physiological and that Martina's chest was clear as we had them both already checked out. Just in case you think we are careless parents too.... Of course we were told by the super paedy exaclty the same things we knew already and he confirmed too that Martina has no tongue tie that can affect bfeeding. In the last few days I have started feeding her again without the shields but being consistent with putting on the lanolin and so far so good. She has also started solids very slowly at lunch time which means we skip a feed and all seems to be going well. She is 20 weeks old today and she is rolling over (back to front and occasionally the other way around too), weighed in at 6.2kg at 19 weeks and is 63 cm long. Very sturdy, I can believe she is "only" 20 weeks old and she looks about 6 month old for alertness and interaction.

 At the table with papà last night

"Reading" a soft book in her bouncer this morning

As of yesterday I have started applying the Tracy Hogg method for Martina's daytime naps...so far Martina is winning...

A holiday, a nanny and a bit of a routine

We are going back to Italy on thursday for a couple of weeks, I really look forward to it but Mike's mam is in the hospital (again) and it's always worrying being away when she is not well. Hopefully she will recover soon, she has been having recurrent infections for the last few weeks and every time it is a big blow to her health. They don't seem to find a therapy that gives her time to recover and as soon as she is back home, she has to go right back in. Please spare a thought for her.

As time is flying by so quickly this time, I realised that I don't want Martina to go to the creche in November, she will be still small I feel and if we can find a way to keep her at home for a little longer it would be better. So in the space of a night I thought of a plan. I have to go back to work in the middle of October for the second half of the teaching semester (6 weeks) but then I can take my annual leave which will bridge me to Christmas holiday and teaching term doesn't start till the third week in January. If we could get a nanny short term for those 6 weeks then Martina would actually get 3 more months at home and we can probably manage to delay her going to the creche till the beginning of February. Well, one of the girls who was working in Oliver's room and for whom I had great respect, quitted a few months ago as she is studying for an MSc in education (and wasn't really getting on well with the manager) so I manage to get in touch with her and she was delighted to work for us! We have not discussed details yet because she went to Greece for a month and we all be back early September for a proper plan. I really hope it works out, she is quite local to where we live and always gave me the impression she loved her job and was very grounded. So fingers crossed! It will be a bit of stretch economically to be honest, but it's for a short time and we have some savings.

As for Martina's routine, so far I have been working on her sleep (no matter where or how it happens) and I now manage to have her in her bed asleep by 9.30 pm. Then she usually wakes around 1.30 am, nurses 10 minutes and is asleep again for a variable time which is longer if she is in my bed. So that's where she stays. Then I try to have her nap in the morning, after lunch and again late afternoon, but she is a cat napper and sleeps for 45 minutes top (on two occasions she slept for 2 hours at lunch time). And Mina is right, no point in stressing about how she will do once in the creche or with the nanny, she will adjust of course so I'm not stressing over it, just trying to organise the day a bit. Now she has a cold/cough combo which is making her miserable, poor baby.
I'm still breastfeeding her, in fact at some point last week she ditched the shield! Happily feeding without them...till my nipples were in bits again...unbelievable...I got a lactation consultant in on friday and she thought Martina may have a tongue tie and I got a referral to have it release. But then I mulled it over and I don't actually think that's true, or not severe enough that snipping it will have any effect, and my friend the paediatric surgeon will come to the house tomorrow to have a look at her himself (he doesn't believe she has it at all in fact) and then decide what to do if anything at all. I'm back on the lanolin and shields and within a few days I was  pain free again, so we keep going till it lasts I suppose. She is 17 weeks today!

Oliver is back to being the sweetest boy I knew, he's now going to bed with no issues, in fact quite happy, kisses Martina good night and sweet dreams (in Italian!) and tells her he's going to bed too! A good night sleep works wonders for him (and anyone in fact) so now his days are happier and much more enjoyable for all involved. Long may it last.

I will check on you my friends, I'll be back early September, be good!

Sleeping and other routines

We have none with Martina. It's very strange for me, I am not a first time mom, I know routine is good and I do believe in routine. With Oliver we had a routine of some sort from about 6 weeks on. With Martina every day is a surprise. She is definitely using the breast for comfort as well as for feeding, she has to be nursing to fall asleep 90% of the time (the other 9% we are on the move, other in the car or in the ergo, and the 1% miraculously she may fall asleep in her swing), this of course means that I'm the only one who can do it. At night, if she is in her cot (after falling asleep with me somewhere else) she can wake after a couple of hours, nurse for 5-10 min just to fall asleep again, back in her cot and start over. If she is in the bed with us she will go longer stretches, even 4 or 5 hours. I don't mind her being in our bed, in fact I quite like it, but we didn't do it with Oliver thinking it was best for all of us to have our own space and now I think poor Oliver missed out on the best cuddle ever for a baby...Martina wakes up not because she's hungry, before going down for the night I give her a 6oz bottle of hungry baby formula and it's the same as when she is just nursing from me. Because it is so confusing to know when she is hungry from when she is tired (both require nursing) we are all over the place all day long, with very short naps, no long naps at all, feeding a bit only to fall asleep etc. She also caught a chesty cough from Oliver which doesn't help. Now, I don't know what to do, suddenly October seems very close and I'll be going back to work (which strangely this time I don't actually look forward to), shall I impose a routine? She seems so frightened when I let her cry a bit to see if she falls asleep in her bed and clings on to me for dear life when I pick her up, it breaks my heart!! The only book I have on babies from the last time, which I didn't buy but was given to me, is the Gina Ford one and to be honest I find it hard to believe that at 3 and half month you should let a baby cry when it's obvious they need you. Maybe I should read the Baby Whisperer? My bible book for toddlers actually says that babies must be followed in their lead up to even 9 month as any form of training before hand is too much for most of them and every baby is different.

Now, on Oliver's bed time routine which was back to Hell, we enforced a bit of tough love and we are back on track, he is now asleep by 9 most of the time and sleeps till 7.30 which is huge! We had got to the point where he would not sleep till 10.30 (crying the house down) and up before 7 with no naps during the day. It was awful. Of course he was tired and it was a vicious cycle which was triggering tantrums during the day like they were going out of fashion. Even tantrums seems a bit more contained though occasionally we have to threaten him with a slap (and this is sufficient to at least make him stop shouting), I know, not best educational method but we all have to survive in a very sleep deprived household...

And finally I'm back to feeling well, the final results were of a sub-acute UTI, probably caused by dehydration which I promptly tackled with forcing myself to drink plenty. No more nausea thankfully and I no longer think those awful thoughts.

Your heart just gets bigger

Isn't this a lovely phrase? This is what my Swiss colleague (also father of two) said to me the other day to describe the feeling when baby number two comes along. Your heart is so full of love, it's unimaginable that more love can be accommodated for another child. And then magically it happens. This thing amazes me to be honest.

Anyway, let's update you all a bit on Martina and Oliver and family matters in general.
Martina had yesterday her 6 weeks check with the paedy (at about 5w2d, but still) and she is doing great. She is putting on about 100-120 grams per week which is good, she is smiling occasionally already which is early and definitely earlier than Oliver did it, and she is tracking you or anyone since about she was one week old which is a record! She never had the wandering eye like Oliver had, she can focus very well and moves her head both sides with no preference really. She is also very long having to wear 3 month size clothing already, but she is skinny! Any time I change her nappy, I have this impression that she looks like one of those baby dolls, so perfect.
She feeds from me (yesterday I had a very bad episode of a bleeding nipple and got quite lightheaded when I saw it...) but I definitely have to take better care of my breasts as the use of nipple shields STILL require a proper latching or you'll suffer! She also takes a little bit of formula as her last meal around 11.30pm and then she .... sleeps... (sssshhhh don't say it out loud) till about 5.30 or 6 am. I am blessed.
Funny story. On sunday it was Mike's niece first communion. When she saw me breastfeeding Martina, she had no idea what I was doing! Meaning that she didn't know babies can be fed directly from mothers...I was very much shocked to be honest, alright her mom never bf, nor did her grandmother but it's biology people! Surely she studied it in school? Anyway, I'm glad I enlightened her.

Oliver is still extremely sweet, loves his "baby nister" (he can't seem to be able to pronounce "sister", so after starting off with baby brother, then baby mister, we are now at baby nister) but we are not sure what is going on with him, we think possibly teething as he has his classic teething cough and occasionally he's in very bad form. My little chicken...hopefully he'll get better soon. When he comes home from the creche, the first thing he tells me is "No accidents mamma!" referring to his ability to use the toilet! He said to a stranger also in a shopping centre yesterday, he doesn't know what not to share yet...

Everything else is going well, I am loosing my pregnancy weight (not that fast mind you!) and I'm out and about with Martina. I bought myself an Ergo baby carrier yesterday in organic cotton which is fab! Here's a pic of Oliver trying it out

And I also brought Martina to meet the Favourite Doctor at the clinic last monday! She loved meeting her and of course asked me when I was going to be back for another round...ah well, that's another day discussion I suppose.

I think that's about it for now, I'm off to the clinic again to donate some left over meds (I have a full bag which I am sure someone can use) and then to buy some apparently miraculous breast compresses for cracked nipples...

Worse

First of all thank you so much for your support it means the World to me.

Last night it was the worst night yet. Oliver had a great day with his grandparents, out and about in playgrounds etc. Which of course is fantastic but in my opinion children that age do need some quiet time too during the day, playing alone and "regroup". I would not say this to them of course as I'm sure their intention was to have him tired by the evening. We came home and Oliver started acting up a bit, nothing major and nothing unseen before. I fed him dinner, bath time and then bed. He went down no problem after his bottle. It may have been 8.15 pm. We all went to bed early not knowing what the night ahead would bring.
It brought Hell.
Oliver woke up around half past midnight screaming. Both Mike and I went in as it sounded like he was either in pain or had a nightmare. We picked him up to soothe him and gave him some painkiller just in case. I went back to bed and Mike started the "going back to sleep" task. Oliver would stay in his crib quite happily but no sign of sleeping. He was wired and just wanting to play. At this stage my parents were in bed and did quite well at staying put. Oliver never cried with Mike unless he was trying to leave the room. I got up again around 2 am and warmed some milk to see if it would help getting him back to sleep. He took the milk but no joy. No crying either. At 3am Mike came into the room and asked me to take over as he was at the end of his strength (also we get up around 6.40 in the morning...). So I went in and Oliver started crying (you know, the tantrum cry, loud ear piercing crying that stops instantly if you do what he wants), he just wanted to be picked up but I stuck to my guns and kept putting him back down. Of course this went on for about 10 minutes at which point my father came into the room and said he would stay there to keep him company if I wanted to go back to bed. I declined. All this while I kept putting Oliver down on his back and  he kept rolling over and stand back up crying. My father started loosing it and accused me literally of being abusive towards my son and showed surprise that nobody had called the police and social services on me yet. Seriously. He was practically shouting at me (which had the effect of quietening Oliver momentarily, we in fact never shout) which brought up memories and not of the pleasant kind. Memories of my childhood when he would slap me across the face several times because I was looking at him the "wrong way". I had bruises the day after going into school. Or another time when I was a bit older, and I got a mark in school below my average (I was generally an A student, this one time I must have got a C) and he shouted at me that this was a "signal" (no idea what signal) and that I was getting distracted. Of course I got another C the same week somewhere else and I clearly remember being sick to my stomach in fear. Or another time, again a bit older, say about 16, when we were leaving some friends' house after dinner and he was being quite loud so I told him to keep his voice down as people were sleeping at that time. He slapped me hard across the face (imagine the look on friends' faces and the embarrassing silence that followed).
This is abuse in my eyes and not what I was doing (being consistent with a child who is just fussing at night because he's been hyper all day). I so wanted to shout back at him and tell him what I just wrote down here. I didn't. I think the last slap was in fact the last ever he gave me and I remember clearly thinking that should he dare lifting a hand on me one more time and I would have called the police. And you wonder why I couldn't wait to leave home? Or why I got married at 24 to the wrong guy? It looks quite obvious to me.
My mother in all this never intervened in front of him, though I am sure she always talked to him as often apologies were offered (and regularly turned down by me).
I certainly don't want to be that kind of parent. He may have rocked me to sleep when I was small, bought me all sorts of things and loved me dearly most of the time, but that is not all that I remember.

Oliver went to sleep within half an hour of me taking over. In the end I gave him a biscuit and that settled him for the rest of the night. When we left this morning at 7.30 he was still sound asleep.

Sleepless Easter

My parents arrived on thursday of last week. Oliver stopped sleeping through the night thursday of last week also. He may have been up for 3 hours between 2 and 5am. Crying like it was going out of fashion. We were up, my parents were up and we all had a terrible night. This would have been bad enough without a series of unsolicited advices from my parents on what we should do (obviously the opposite of what we were doing) and recollection of what they were doing with me when I was small (again, never did what we were doing etc). I talked to them the day after saying they weren't really helping and to please stay in bed and let us do our own things. Friday night was much of the same, Mike took the first shift and 5 minutes later he was back in the bedroom because my parents decided to take over. So I got up, my mum was holding Oliver, chatting to him etc. I took him and told them to go back to bed. More comments on how they never let me cry that much.
Miraculously, Saturday night was much better. Another good night on Sunday, though it took Oliver a good hour to fall asleep (more crying etc with my parents saying he was awake and we should just let him be up for a while) and back to hell-night last night. We are wrecked and also back in work.
My parents are leaving on thursday and want to babysit Oliver (no crèche), which we have no problem with, but we have to find a solution to this behaviour.
Let's talk about what these two terrible pair (Mike and I) are doing that is so wrong and by all means do comment and let me know your point of view.
1) We believe in routine. Oliver has dinner around 7pm, then we have happy time in the bath and then he goes to bed, takes his bottle while we chat to him telling stories or just talking to him about our day, he gives us the bottle when he's done we kiss him and cuddle goodnight and close the door. Normally he goes asleep no problem without a sound. Occasionally we have to go back him a couple of times if he really doesn't settle.
2) We believe in a scheduled nap time (routine again I suppose). Same as when he is in the crèche, we put him down for his nap after lunch and he can sleep between 1 and 2.5 hours but he has to be up by 3 or the rest of the afternoon is a mess, then he doesn't want to eat/sleep etc.
3) When he wakes up during the night, we assess the situation (he's well, dry and doesn't really need anything other than company), give him back his soother if he has lost it ("soother emergency") and we consistently put him back down in his bed. Often he goes right back to sleep. If he's very upset, we give him a cuddle but keep the talk to a minimum, the light is always off (bar the night light), we do not engage in playing or other activities that may delay the go back to sleep. Of course if he's not well, we pick him up, give him paracetamol or similar, and stay up with him looking out the window etc. If we think he's hungry we of course feed him and by now I think we can have a good guess from his crying at what the problem is. I know there are different opinions on this but I am not sure there is just one right way of handling a crying baby or everyone would follow that one!
4) We don't have Oliver falling asleep in our bed, in front of the telly (which he doesn't watch yet) or other places. His bedroom and bed is where sleeping happens (of course the car seat is a valid alternative for him or the stroller if we are out during nap time).

I don't have anything against co-sleeping or never let a baby cry and such, but just it doesn't work for us and I think that being consistent is the most important thing. If Oliver has a bit of a fall or hits his head against a chair I tend not to make a big deal at all of it and he's quickly on his feet and back playing. If he plays with a drawer (safe content and safe drawer) he can just do it without me obsessing on the possibility that he may catch his finger in it (if he does, I console him and kiss said finger and he can keep playing if he wants to). I cuddle him loads and have lots of fun together playing any sort of games and he seems really happy to me. I cannot believe that I have to let him do what he wants when is sleeping time or else I'm a bad parent.

I think I'm realising now that perhaps I never knew how my parents would react to a particular request because there was not a consistent behaviour (yes to a brand new moped, but no to sleepovers. I could have my opinion but I had to be careful how I express it, while they could just say it as they saw it).

We had a series of disagreements on what we should do in particular situations (my father is convinced that if he has a bit of a cough we should not bathe him. As if we are bathing him on the balcony in cold water...Yet we should bring him out for walks no matter the weather. He should not sleep in a sleeping bag because he cannot stand up easily if he wakes...I argue that the sleeping bag is the safest thing) and I know that they just want to let me know what they think but this is my son and I don't think I have to justify what we do to them! It's tiring.
One last thing I need to vent. I mentioned we will be doing a FET this summer and my mother commented "Do you think you can handle two?" do I even have to answer?
I love them dearly and they would give their life for me and my sister but at times I just wish they stopped treating me like a child who doesn't know what's best.

Some pics

I finally managed to download the latest pics from Mike's camera. Unfortunately we have none of his first birthday cake and his first haircut! Bohooo!! You'd wonder why that is...well, we do have video-clips but no pics. I'll have to look at how to get single shots out of the camcorder.

Some updates first. Oliver got another upper tooth and a fourth one is almost through! He has moved to the Wobbler room in the crèche and loves it, the new carers are lovely and he was rejoined with a couple of children who were for a while with him in the baby room. And of course Cian is with him too! Our first week back was...tiring as expected but thankfully Oliver is back to a good sleeping routine which is great. We decided to split the nights if he wakes up. One night I get up all the time and the next one Mike does it, otherwise if we both get up we are both really tired the next day and there's no point.

On a very sad note, I only found out at the weekend that Megan, a cyber-friend I followed lost her battle to cancer last November. I was so saddened by the news, she leaves behind her husband and their lovely triplets conceived via FET when her cancer was in remission 2 years ago. The news was posted in Lost and Found but I had missed it. She was inspirational with her approach to life and she fully enjoyed it despite the disease and was not afraid to die. My thoughts and prayers to her family.

 Christmas Eve with my grandmother and my sister

 Family pic

 First taste of chocolate!

 Trying on mamma's skiing helmet. Next year darling!

 With my parents on the skiing trip, it was his birthday!

38 weeks

My little darling is 38 weeks today and decided to start celebrating very early this morning...generally when I leave for work at 7.30 is just barely awake and I was looking forward to an extra hour in bed today. Nope. But thankfully my mum came to the rescue and looked after him so that we could sleep a little longer. I don't know what we'll do when she goes back home next saturday and we have to quickly establish a new routine which involves bringing him to the crèche and collecting him in the afternoon. I envisage quite a few pizza nights...

So this coming week is packed with new things we have to do. Wednesday he'll go to the crèche for the first time for one hour, then thursday two hours and friday 3 hours. And Monday next it'll be his first full day. On thursday he also has two health checks, he has to repeat the hearing one that he failed with a nurse in the morning and then a doctor will give him an overall developmental check in the afternoon.

We still have no teeth though he's definitely more in pain in the evening and I found that homeopatic granules called Teetha help him a lot, he certainly has slept soundly all week long (doesn't even wake up when the damn alarm goes off occasionally!)

He's eating everything, loves bread sticks and he's that happiest little man when he sees that you are giving him something from your plate. He clearly says "Mammamamamamma" very loud, generally if he's upset or hungry, he whispers "Papapapapapa" which is very very cute too.

So this is where we are at the moment, work has also settled into a more organised routine now that we are two weeks into term.

I'll update during the week with the progress at the crèche and at the doctors, wish us well!

37

I'm 37 today and Oliver is 37 weeks! Nice coincidence. I love these coincidences, they make me smile even if they are totally pointless eheh. Happy birthday to me!

So Oliver has now been outside longer than he was inside. Again, soon this will be something I'll stop thinking about, look at how long I have been outside!

Nothing much new to say, no word from the clinic yet which is good I suppose. I had a very very busy week, a conference, several lectures, incoming students looking for advice, projects to be organised etc. I think I had a touch of OHSS, my belly was quite swollen and only in the last couple of days is a bit better. Still not back to normal though. The fact that I've been up and about from 6.30am every morning and often not back to bed before 11.30pm surely didn't help.

Anyway, I'm enjoying being pampered by my mom today, I slept in, she looked after Oliver. Nice. Fab food is being cooked and we'll go for some retail therapy later. Oliver had another inconsolable crying stint last night, sobbing and all. The poor baby. Then he settled but I could hear him a few times in the night crying a bit. Maybe he's teething. We still have no teeth at all! He has adjusted very well to be with my mom and not my sister, I am really confident he'll be fine in the crèche. And the sensor pad thing keeps going off occasionally, so annoying....but I'm not at the stage yet where I feel confident in removing it altogether. Soon, I promise.

I'll update with news from the clinic as soon as I hear. I am surprisingly calm.

Fertility report is in

The embryologist called around lunch time to say that 11 out of the 14 eggs fertilized! This more or less in line with our previous results (14/16 first time, 6/9 second time and 5/6 the third time) which is really positive news. Mike was a bit worried that he hadn't taken his vitamins long enough before the procedure (usually he would have had a 3 months stint), but I'm glad it didn't affect the first stage anyway.

So here's what going to happen. They'll culture the embryos to blast and on Sunday at the latest (day 6) they will phone me with a full report of what we have. If everything goes south beforehand of course they'll let me know but Ivy (the really nice embryologist we had a few times) said it's still going to be Saturday before she knows for sure how things are. I said I thought they were going to change medium on day 3 and that perhaps I would have gotten an update then, but she reminded me that the critical step is day 3 to day 4 and she doesn't want to give me false hopes (the usual protocol of the clinic!). Anyway, she said I can call the lab if I'm anxious, but I'll definitely try not to be.

Today I feel a bit swollen, I'm trying to drink plenty and take it easy (I'm back in work), let's hope it won't worsen. I had a night full of nightmares (some fake photographer wanted to kidnap Oliver!) so I didn't sleep that well at all, which I'm sure it's not helping overall.

14!

They got 14 eggs! I'm delighted, hopefully they'll fertilize, we'll know tomorrow.

The nurse said I had 21 follicles at the last count, so to watch out for OHSS symptoms. I think they went down quite heavy with the sedation this time, I could barely get up all day (still feeling quite spaced out) thankfully my sister could look after Oliver and Mike wasn't late coming back home.

I'll update tomorrow with the fertilization report.

And would you believe it, last night, Oliver's monitor went off 3 times! Of course all false alarms, which is great in one way, meaning there's not a hint of panic in me any more, but on the other, if we don't understand what the hell is wrong with it, it's going to be a real pain!

Update: Mike just came down and said the sensor pad was not in the centre of the bed so he repositioned it. Any time it went off, Oliver was at the top of his crib where he tends to migrate all the time. We'll see!

Retrieval on monday

Last scan this morning and all looks good. I think I have 20 follicles in total and 14 are of a very good size. Also I was scanned with a different (older) machine and even the measure of the lining (incidentally the best I ever had!) was less than 2 days ago so I am thinking there may be a couple more follicles in the "right zone", but we all know this means nothing till you have actually eggs and then embryos. So I don't want to have my hopes up too much as the disappointment the last time was massive. If I don't hear anything this afternoon from the clinic, I'll trigger with the full dose on saturday night and I'll be the first one in the morning going through the procedure.

In Oliver's world things are well, he had his first cold which had him up at night (and us too!) even more than usual, being quite uncomfortable and slightly feverish. But yesterday he was already much better and last night...oh yes, last night we NEVER had to get up! I'm looking 10 years younger this morning!! And it's just as well...we had the official opening of our new research facilities and the Prime Minister was on the premises...big big deal as you can imagine, in difficult economic times you have to really show that your job and research are worth the investment.

Finally we had another full on alarm with the sensor monitor. It happened one the afternoon, Oliver was actually awake and all smiley when Mike run up to check on him. Mike had heard him cooing seconds earlier so we are now absolutely certain the thing it's false alarming on us. I think Carlito may have started playing with the cable that connect the under-mattress sensor pad to the unit...I have to say I'm so so relieved!!!

Update number 2

Academic teaching term will start on monday and we are having orientation week at the moment and it's just hell. So I've not been able to read or comment! So sorry, I'll try my best during the weekend.

I had my second scan this morning, everything is on track, 10 follicles on the left and 7 good sizes on the right. A couple of smallies which won't count. Mike went in for his SA yesterday and he had nothing to report on the "Sample room" of the new facility, apparently it's the same as the old one, no new "interesting" material to look at. The results weren't great, 7 million/mL, low motility. Bleah. The Fav Doctor had a look for me at his precious number and actually in 2009 he only had 5.4 million/mL so it's not as bad this time. And she pointed out they only need a few for ICSI so they have plenty to work with.

In other news, Oliver had a terrible night last night, we had very little sleep, he seemed inconsolable between 1.30 am and 3am. Normally it's enough to give him his soother and the night-teddy but we actually had to pick him up and rock him till he stopped sobbing. My little baby...I think he suffers from separation anxiety now that I'm in work all day...and I'm a bit tender in the belly so I don't pick him up as much in the evening either...let's hope he'll settle soon. Love to all.