A holiday, a nanny and a bit of a routine

We are going back to Italy on thursday for a couple of weeks, I really look forward to it but Mike's mam is in the hospital (again) and it's always worrying being away when she is not well. Hopefully she will recover soon, she has been having recurrent infections for the last few weeks and every time it is a big blow to her health. They don't seem to find a therapy that gives her time to recover and as soon as she is back home, she has to go right back in. Please spare a thought for her.

As time is flying by so quickly this time, I realised that I don't want Martina to go to the creche in November, she will be still small I feel and if we can find a way to keep her at home for a little longer it would be better. So in the space of a night I thought of a plan. I have to go back to work in the middle of October for the second half of the teaching semester (6 weeks) but then I can take my annual leave which will bridge me to Christmas holiday and teaching term doesn't start till the third week in January. If we could get a nanny short term for those 6 weeks then Martina would actually get 3 more months at home and we can probably manage to delay her going to the creche till the beginning of February. Well, one of the girls who was working in Oliver's room and for whom I had great respect, quitted a few months ago as she is studying for an MSc in education (and wasn't really getting on well with the manager) so I manage to get in touch with her and she was delighted to work for us! We have not discussed details yet because she went to Greece for a month and we all be back early September for a proper plan. I really hope it works out, she is quite local to where we live and always gave me the impression she loved her job and was very grounded. So fingers crossed! It will be a bit of stretch economically to be honest, but it's for a short time and we have some savings.

As for Martina's routine, so far I have been working on her sleep (no matter where or how it happens) and I now manage to have her in her bed asleep by 9.30 pm. Then she usually wakes around 1.30 am, nurses 10 minutes and is asleep again for a variable time which is longer if she is in my bed. So that's where she stays. Then I try to have her nap in the morning, after lunch and again late afternoon, but she is a cat napper and sleeps for 45 minutes top (on two occasions she slept for 2 hours at lunch time). And Mina is right, no point in stressing about how she will do once in the creche or with the nanny, she will adjust of course so I'm not stressing over it, just trying to organise the day a bit. Now she has a cold/cough combo which is making her miserable, poor baby.
I'm still breastfeeding her, in fact at some point last week she ditched the shield! Happily feeding without them...till my nipples were in bits again...unbelievable...I got a lactation consultant in on friday and she thought Martina may have a tongue tie and I got a referral to have it release. But then I mulled it over and I don't actually think that's true, or not severe enough that snipping it will have any effect, and my friend the paediatric surgeon will come to the house tomorrow to have a look at her himself (he doesn't believe she has it at all in fact) and then decide what to do if anything at all. I'm back on the lanolin and shields and within a few days I was  pain free again, so we keep going till it lasts I suppose. She is 17 weeks today!

Oliver is back to being the sweetest boy I knew, he's now going to bed with no issues, in fact quite happy, kisses Martina good night and sweet dreams (in Italian!) and tells her he's going to bed too! A good night sleep works wonders for him (and anyone in fact) so now his days are happier and much more enjoyable for all involved. Long may it last.

I will check on you my friends, I'll be back early September, be good!

Sleeping and other routines

We have none with Martina. It's very strange for me, I am not a first time mom, I know routine is good and I do believe in routine. With Oliver we had a routine of some sort from about 6 weeks on. With Martina every day is a surprise. She is definitely using the breast for comfort as well as for feeding, she has to be nursing to fall asleep 90% of the time (the other 9% we are on the move, other in the car or in the ergo, and the 1% miraculously she may fall asleep in her swing), this of course means that I'm the only one who can do it. At night, if she is in her cot (after falling asleep with me somewhere else) she can wake after a couple of hours, nurse for 5-10 min just to fall asleep again, back in her cot and start over. If she is in the bed with us she will go longer stretches, even 4 or 5 hours. I don't mind her being in our bed, in fact I quite like it, but we didn't do it with Oliver thinking it was best for all of us to have our own space and now I think poor Oliver missed out on the best cuddle ever for a baby...Martina wakes up not because she's hungry, before going down for the night I give her a 6oz bottle of hungry baby formula and it's the same as when she is just nursing from me. Because it is so confusing to know when she is hungry from when she is tired (both require nursing) we are all over the place all day long, with very short naps, no long naps at all, feeding a bit only to fall asleep etc. She also caught a chesty cough from Oliver which doesn't help. Now, I don't know what to do, suddenly October seems very close and I'll be going back to work (which strangely this time I don't actually look forward to), shall I impose a routine? She seems so frightened when I let her cry a bit to see if she falls asleep in her bed and clings on to me for dear life when I pick her up, it breaks my heart!! The only book I have on babies from the last time, which I didn't buy but was given to me, is the Gina Ford one and to be honest I find it hard to believe that at 3 and half month you should let a baby cry when it's obvious they need you. Maybe I should read the Baby Whisperer? My bible book for toddlers actually says that babies must be followed in their lead up to even 9 month as any form of training before hand is too much for most of them and every baby is different.

Now, on Oliver's bed time routine which was back to Hell, we enforced a bit of tough love and we are back on track, he is now asleep by 9 most of the time and sleeps till 7.30 which is huge! We had got to the point where he would not sleep till 10.30 (crying the house down) and up before 7 with no naps during the day. It was awful. Of course he was tired and it was a vicious cycle which was triggering tantrums during the day like they were going out of fashion. Even tantrums seems a bit more contained though occasionally we have to threaten him with a slap (and this is sufficient to at least make him stop shouting), I know, not best educational method but we all have to survive in a very sleep deprived household...

And finally I'm back to feeling well, the final results were of a sub-acute UTI, probably caused by dehydration which I promptly tackled with forcing myself to drink plenty. No more nausea thankfully and I no longer think those awful thoughts.

Time is flying

Martina  is 3 weeks and 2 days old but it feels like yesterday she was just born...yet it's as if I've known her forever, I can tell when she is crying why she is crying (no more the gazillion hypotheses  of the random kind) I'm so much more relaxed I can hardly recognise myself. I don't wish the time away and in fact I'm cherishing every moment of this new-born stage. I remember when people were telling me with Oliver the usual "Ohhhh enjoy it, this time goes by so quickly!", I was thinking 'Really? Do you swear it goes by quickly? It feels like an age already'...I was in such different place then and I'm trying not to feel guilty about how I felt at the time (it's not like I had a choice of course). I remember looking forward to going back to work about a month into motherhood, days were dragging on, a lot of time in my hands but couldn't plan a full day, I couldn't really understand other moms dreading the thought of going back to work, how could they cope all day with a baby who does very little? And Oliver was very easy, not demanding at all, once he was fed. I suppose it was also a different time of the year, January, freezing cold, with snow like Ireland never saw before, short and dark days. Now it's spring, albeit still an Irish spring, but it seems to contribute to my positivity. Martina is still very easy, in fact she is great, even though I feed her on demand and my nipples are sore and cracked despite the shields, I would't want anyone else to take it from me. I still bleed on and off (apparently normal when breasfeeding) but it means I never know if not having bled for a couple of days is indicative of dryness or not. I feel I'm in full mommy-mode which was not the case with Oliver were I was more like...a basket case to tell you the truth, but I can only see it now that I know it can be different and wonderful.

The nights are only ours, Mike has moved to Oliver's room during the week and I just have her. For a few nights she only anted to sleep cuddled beside me. After fighting this for a while (I'm not much for co-sleeping, but just because I worry I'll roll over her etc, so I'm actually not sleeping at all!) I gave in and snuggled her beside me. Her smell is wonderful and my heart melts away. Oliver comes in to the bedroom in the morning with Mike to use our bathroom and he is such a big boy, he's very quiet if he thinks we are still sleeping and doesn't jump on the bed or anything, but if I call him, his eyes lit up and comes into the bed, wants to hold Martina and he's so gentle and sweet, you should see him.

If I'm not feeding Martina I always spend time with Oliver when he goes to bed. I love our time together, he loves it too. Story time, cuddling time, resting time (for me). It's as if I rediscovered him in the new vest of big brother who says "Mamma, Martina is crying, she's hungry".

I'm sure it's normal but my sex-drive is below zero at the moment, and while I miss Mike that way, I'm just in a different dimension, a deep sense of contentment which seems to last forever and I am sure I never felt this way before.

My mom left today after almost 4 weeks. My dad came up on tuesday to meet the new grandchild and returned home with mom. They have been great, nothing like the last time they were over, I deeply miss them now and I wish we were closer, though I don't want to move back to Italy and they'll never move here, so this is our reality...

As of the last couple of days Martina has a sore tummy in the evening, I think it may be that I've eaten chocolate, though I don't know, hopefully it'll pass soon as it's heartbreaking seeing her in pain.

Love to all.

How it all went

Thank you thank you for your lovely comments! I'm sorry Mike didn't get to post further updates as he promised so now that I have some time I'm going to do it myself!

The c-section: I went to the hospital early with mom, while Mike was taking care of Oliver and bringing him to the creche. I was checked in and I knew there were 4 sections scheduled that morning but I thought I would have been last. That was not the case! Mike wasn't anywhere near the hospital when the nurse said "I can bring you up to the theatre now..." or dear...I tried to call Mike on his cell which wasn't under coverage (he was just parking) then texted him and went up with mom to the prep room. Mike called a few minutes later, he had parked and forgot the phone in the car, run back, saw the txt and panicked! He was running to the hospital at that very moment! He made it in the end, I thought it was actually quite funny, didn't get distressed and was very focussed on meeting the baby, hoping she would be healthy and that all will be just fine.
The c-section was a breeze, very calm and relaxed unlike of course my previous experience...Dr. W is truly wonderful. He went through the previous scar commenting how low it was (he said about 2cm lower than normal...odd as he did it!). As he pulled the baby out and above the curtain for me to see, he said "You are having a little lady!" what a surprise! She looked beautiful, wasn't crying (but she was obviously breathing) and just had this curious look...amazing. He then chatted away to me while baby was being checked by the paediatrician, saying it wasn't an easy delivery due to the position of the incision but they managed nonetheless. I think they had to use a forceps as our little girl had some bruising on her left eye and forehead.
Of course we had no name at all...or actually, we had her third name, Phoenix as per our tradition, but that wasn't enough! We had thought in the previous pregnancy that if it was a girl we would have called her Erin, but to me she just didn't look like an Erin and the name (while I absolutely love it) didn't seem to fit as her first name...Erin would be her second name so. It took us a couple of days before settling on Martina. I love Martina. She is the sweetest thing. I thought Oliver was an easy baby, but Martina tops it without a doubt. She is content all the time, cries if she's hungry, that's all.

Oliver: Oliver came to the hospital with Mike the day after Martina was born, I had a nice private room and thankfully visitors (though restricted to immediate family) were allowed. We took the approach of not making a fuss about the baby (she wasn't named at that stage) and just focussed on him till he took an interest in the baby (she was in the plastic transparent cot) and we followed his lead. He asked to touch the baby and we had no problem with it, then I asked him if he wanted to hold her and he was beside himself with happiness. This is one of the best pics of that day...look at his face! Very proud big brother!

Now that we are home, he is still very sweet, though we try and dedicate as much time to him as possible and this is made easy by Martina who is no fuss at all. Martina is in our room but in her cot and this doesn't seem to be a problem for him. He doesn't wake up at night when we are feeding her or changing her nappy etc which is great, but he is waking up very early and coming to the bed which is a killer as I may just have gone back to sleep after the feed...So the plan is that Mike is going to take care of him once he's up in the morning, hopefully he'll settle back into his normal sleeping pattern soon.

Martina: She is adorable. The feeding is a bit of a problem as like Oliver, she doesn't latch on...and this time I have a bit more milk, not much mind you (wishfully thinking it can still get better) but I do have it. And she is voracious. So I am back in the trenches of pumping, feeding her my milk, trying to latch her on with any device invented, giving her an additional bottle and settling her back in her cot (which is literally just putting her back down). In total this takes me over one hour. I can already tell we will be doing elimination communication with her very easily...she is very easy to read and already last night I got her to poo in the loo (well the sink effectively, sorry TMI!). She doesn't have a feeding pattern yet, can sleep between 2 to 4/5 hours and unfortunately for the moment the longest stretches are during the day! But I can't really complain. Having a toddler to mind though seriously adds to the fatigue and I can't thank my mom and Mike enough for ebing so helpful.

Emotions: It's definitely much better than the first time. Of course I didn't have a traumatic experience this time and I was nearly at the of the pregnancy. I did enjoy the pregnancy, can perfectly remember everything about it (you may remember after Oliver was born I had a total black out on the pregnancy experience) and loved Martina exactly like I love Oliver from the minute I saw her. I am also not worried about SIDS as much as I was with Oliver. All this helps. But of course there is a "but". I am addicted to hospitals and medical environments. Though I again went home after 3 days of hospital stay rather than the recommended 5 (once again I had no real need for pain management, felt well and up and about very quickly), I am mourning the fact that this is likely my last pregnancy ever, I won't get to interact with Dr. W anymore (you know the way your OB feels to you as the person that makes your longed for miracle a reality, brings the baby into the World and hands it to you, to me he has very much a god-like status), I won't get to experience one of the happiest things in my life which is the birth of a healthy baby. Then I think maybe just maybe we could have a third one, we still have 4 blasts after all...and then I think how difficult it would be not only economically but also practically to have three children...and then I think how people do manage and so on. So I don't know. Maybe this door is still open but it has to be for the right reasons while at the moment it seems to be for the egotistic wrong ones.

Well if you read this far, thank you, I'm going to try and pump some more!

Almost a smile! 5 week old

I really think this morning Oliver smiled at me! I gave him the night feed and then Mike this morning got up and fed him so that I could sleep in, and then when I got up and saw Oliver he almost smiled seeing me!! So so cute!

Anyhow, all is good here, Oliver still has a good few dirty nappies during the day but doesn't seem to be too bothered. He's awake for much longer periods (which freaks Mike out as he doesn't know what to do with him yet!) and still very happy and sweet. Now that I'm home alone all day I do feel quite tired by the time is evening and Mike is still learning how to put on the reusable nappies...so not really able to be on his own with Oliver for a few hours yet. Sure if he was spending more time maybe his confidence would also improve...we re working on it.

My mom as already booked a new flight to come and stay with us for another couple of weeks, I never thought I'd be feeling this way but I can't wait to have some company and help. I have come to totally admire those mothers who have twins and are on their own. Hats off to you all girls, I have no idea how you managed!

A bit happening next week. I have my 6 weeks check up on thursday and I'll try to book Oliver's check up on the same day. Mike on the other hand is playing football...ah well. I'll also go to the clinic probably monday or tuesday so that the Favourite Doctor can meet the little man and I may ask incidentally when can we talk again about things and future moves...

Breast feeding or expressing has officially stopped. So another thing I'll do next week is to return the pump. I'm glad I tried. I am even gladder I stopped when I realised it was ruining my time with Oliver. So on with the bottles! And here's a pic of my little boy for you all.

The little aviator sleeping

4 weeks update!

It's just the three of us as of yesterday. Mom went home and I miss her very much already. Being home with Oliver is nice but I miss adult conversation a lot (so warning, don't phone or I'll keep you on the line for hours!!). Mike has stepped up though and he's helping greatly. Last night we were all in the living-room, Mike and I on the couch, Patches on my lap and the Dude on an armchair...and Oliver sleeping in his rocking seat...was I dreaming? I still don't have many memories of the pregnancy (also I'm not really thinking about it much) but I am soaking up every second of motherhood. I remember everything vividly starting from when I saw Oliver for the first time. It was all so so worth it.

Milk production seems to be decreasing now (only 30mL total yesterday). Ah well. Honestly. Ah well. I don't know why it didn't increase like all the websites tell you. I don't know why nothing seemed to help. I'll give him all I get and hope it'll be better than nothing. Like some of you have told me, I now have this sickening feeling when I pump. Not worth it.

But on the other hand....I have found a nice solution for the colics! I don't know why this is not widely advertised as it's so so simple! We have one of those seeds-filled pad, the ones you heat up in the microwave...Oh my God, it works like a charm...the one we have is rod shaped, I heat it for a minute max (obviously making sure it's warm but not hot) and I wrap it around his tummy...it's an instant relief!! Now we put it on his tummy after every feed and he's the happiest baby you can imagine! So let me know if you try it out and works for you too.

Yesterday we also went for Oliver's first shot. He was very good! Cried very little, and was happy again as soon as I gave him a cuddle, we got out of the doctor's office and you wouldn't have said he had been pricked! All the other babies seemed to need bottles or boobs once out of the office to calm down. Oh my little champion...a trouper like his mamma!

So it's 4 weeks since the section and I feel very well. I still have a bit of bleeding (but when does it end??) which in the last week or so was giving me the impression it was almost ending only to pick up again later in the day. Mmh. It's very little, a panty-liner is more than enough but it's seems I've been bleeding forever! Let me know your experience.

Oliver's passport is on the way also! Can you believe that the pic we took for it is going to last 3 years?? He's already changed so much I can't believe they'll recognise him through the photo in three years!

Passport pic!

Growing!

I wish I could hug you all. Tanks so much again for the kind comments. I should have clarified that I'm taking also the domperidone (plus specific multivitamines, plus fenugreek, plus fennel tea etc) but it hasn't really made a difference. I am not breastfeeding (Oliver never latches on for more than 2 minutes without getting frustrated) so all I get (and he gets) is a couple of oz per day purely by pumping, and I pump till the last drop comes out. It doesn't make any difference how many time a day I pump...if I pump 5 times I still get the same total volume and I realised I can get it in one go in the evening. Despite such a miserable milk supply I have a leaky boob in the morning (the left one!) which would make you think it's full but let me assure you it isn't. I've pumped immediately after noticing a leak only to be greatly disappointed (it starts off promising and it simply runs out of milk after a few minutes...and the flow is something like a drop every 2-3 sucking motions...yes that disappointing). But like you all said, I'm doing the best I can, I won't loose sleep over it, when I'll have had enough of this I'll just give it up.

And little Oliver is growing steadily!! Today weight check was 3.28kg! He piled up 300g in a week and that's perfect. The nurse was very impressed with how alert he is and his head control and gave me some tips to help the trapped air coming out (mostly massaging techniques). On friday we have the first vaccine shot (BCG) so hopefully it'll go well. No update on my weight as I didn't manage to weigh myself since the last time...ehm ehem...

Finally we have done his birth certificate!! After some debate we did put Elvis as third name also...it meant so much to us I thought we had to keep it...and actually we really love the meaning of the name which is "wise" but also is "the wise friend of the elves" in some Scandinavian fairy-tail (Circus Princess, if you read this, let me know if it's true!). So his full name is Oliver Daniel Elvis. Passport application is also ready to go, just waiting for his Personal Public Service number to arrive in the post.

That's it for now, I must post some updated photos soon!

Due date today and yet...

and yet we have the little one with us three weeks already!

He's doing very well, growing at the speed of light and he's still so so good. My milk is no where improving in quantity, I've been pumping 3 weeks solid almost and my daily collection doesn't go above 50-60mL (a couple of oz.). I'm taking anything that can help and still it doesn't help. So I'm about to call it a day. I have the pump till the middle of February when the month rental elapses and I'm sure I'm going to return it. We have to be happy. I have to be happy. While I'm constantly disappointed after pumping. Sure I put on a brave face saying "well at least is something" meaning half what he takes in a single feed...or "seems a bit better than yesterday..." while I know it isn't. I thank you all for your kind advices but I do need permission to stop sometime soon...

Dad is here since friday and totally in love with his grandson. Hopefully we'll get the passport quickly and I can go home in the near future (oh sorry, I do say I will go home, meaning my home-town in Italy, I was indeed at "home" in Dublin when I had Oliver)

If I can pick your brains a bit, I'm faced with a small new problem. I think Oliver is suffering a bit of gaseous colics. He's not text book for colics, meaning he's certainly not crying for hours (he hardly cries at all, only if he's very hungry or cold when you change him!) but he seems to be straining a lot a couple of hours after feeding. He has dirty nappies a couple of times a day and the paediatrician said when they are on formula that's more than enough, but he seems to have a lot of air in his tummy (read: he farts a lot!). What this means is that when he's still deeply asleep he makes lots of loud grunts and noises, goes all read in the face and definitely looks uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. He winds very well during feeds, but seems to be the next stage of digestion that is troublesome. I tend to pick him up and rock him and caress him, this seems to help him passing wind and seems to be better for maybe 10-15 minutes and then it starts again. Feeding seems to sort out the tummy issues for another couple of hours. He's now taking 120mL (4 oz) of formula and sleeping 4-5 hours between feeds which is a total dream of course but of those hours I'm up at least 1 or 2 massaging his tummy...

Finally I'd like to share with you all that as of yesterday we have moved to reusable nappies during the day!! I'm using this brand which I have researched a lot and so far so good. They are certainly bulkier than disposable ones but Oliver doesn't seem to mind it at all! We have no leaks as such, but I'm still learning how to put them on properly and in the quickest way possible.

Tomorrow Mike is taking a day off so that we can do all the paperwork for the birth registration and passport. Let's hope it'll go smoothly!

Weight check

We are 2 and half weeks into parenthood and I cannot remember life without Oliver.

It finally feels real. It only sunk in over the weekend. I happened to look at the clock on Saturday at 4.15pm and thinking we were in the middle of the drama only 2 weeks before...I made a conscious effort of reliving (willingly) all that happened repeating to myself all was well in the end. I think it helped a lot. I looked at Oliver staring back at me and realised he IS my son. Saying it (or writing it) still is a little strange, like when I started referring to Mike as my husband.

All is well with him, he's definitely very alert, feeds very well (on formula, I am still only able to use my expressed milk as a top up of the formula!) and his weight check today at 2w3d was 2.98kg! He put on 300gr in 5 days! That's my boy! My weight check, on the other hand, a week after birth was 66kg (6 gone, 9 to go!) and 2 weeks after birth it was 65 kg (7 gone 8 to go!), let's hope it'll be declining as steadily as I put it on!

Sleep is also quite good, he would feed around 1am or 2am and then again at 5am or 6am and we both go back to sleep afterwards. We also bathed him a few times already, he loves it!! What he doesn't like is coming out of the water in the cold (we wrap him immediately but still) or getting undressed to get into the water...ah well...hopefully that'll settle too.

Breastfeeding is still a total failure. Oliver doesn't latch on at all, he may make an effort if I wear those nipple shields but not sure if he takes much. Pumping is...going. I can't say it's going well, but it's going. I've started taking fenugreek which definitely helps and my yield has gone up a bit, I managed to get the amazing mount of 60mL (2oz) yesterday in the whole day! That's twice what I was getting a couple of days ago. At this pace, Oliver will be on solids by the time I'll be able to produce one full feed for him...But again, at least he's taking some.

I also wanted to share the advice that the paediatrician had give me which is much the opposite of what all lactation specialists/website would recommend. She said when milk supply never really came in, that it's a bit pointless to pump every couple of hours as I'm only ever going to get drops and may even hurt myself. She said to allow time at least at the beginning say do it twice a day and see how it goes. I have to say, the first time I did this I collected as much I had got in the whole day the previous day! What a satisfaction! Yesterday then I pumped twice with good yields both times. I'm planning to do the same and see how it goes. Then move up to three times. I feel better about this plan, I found it very very frustrating pumping so often for literally a few drops at the time...

I also got my appointment for post-natal check with my doctor and that will happen on the 9th of February. Nice. It feels like the first step back to normal life (I'll be able to drive after that wohooo!). My wound has healed perfectly, I do have a bit of a bump just above the scar, it may take a little while to get back to flat (will it go back to flat?).

On the list of things to do there is the registration of Oliver's birth next week and application for his passport so that we can fly home!!