A glimmer of hope

While I was posting about the blog award the clinic called.

The embryologist (Ivy) said it was good news that we have two compacted morulas which is the stage they should be today. The other 3 have not arrested but are quite slow, as if they were a day behind at 10, 7 and 7 cells. I am booked in for transfer at 12.30 which is early than I ever been in for transfer. Of course I have a scan tomorrow morning at 9.10 and Ivy said if they are delaying me to make sure I mention I have this early transfer. She also said that she hopes everything will progress as she expects but that she will give me a call by 10.30 if she feels the blasts do not develop or don't look so good. I'd say I'll ask tomorrow when I'm in.

So I'm breathing a little. After this post I'll be spending sometime meditating and getting ready for tomorrow, I have not been that good in fairness, meaning that I just couldn't even think about the possible transfer.

I also asked Ivy about the SA as I had forgotten when she called on Thursday. She said the sample had 11 million/mL for a total of 70 millions (which is a bit better than before) and a progressive motility of 37% which is much better than before (it was 15%) and normal morphology so Mike was very happy and proud that the vitamins and mineral he has been taking for months now do show some results!

I mentioned to Ivy about the two ectopics and again the possibility of using a minimum amount of medium for the transfer, she was so sympathetic and sorry for me, she said she'll leave a note just in case.

The plan tomorrow is to go in for the scan, go to work and the pretend to be a bit sick and go home for a few days...

(by the way, today the New Toy gave up completely...new BSOD and I was not able to restart the machine ever since...writing from the old one which I decided to reformat completely on friday night...ahhhhgggg thank God for external hard drives where I saved all my latest folders as of this saturday!)

Yoga, meditation and New Year Resolutions

Today was another added holiday for us, yep, we got an official email on Saturday that due to worsening weather condition the college would have remained closed until tomorrow morning. Obviously the weather improved dramatically between yesterday and today, it started raining and the snow is pretty much gone so this was totally unnecessary, but still...who says no to another sleep-in? Anyway, tomorrow we are definitely back and it's only a week before I start teaching again and I'm dreading it. My second semester is going to be very heavy, and with the new cycle coming up I've arranged my lectures in blocks before and after. I hope it'll be worth it! In fact I have only 6 more days on the pill and baseline scan is next week on thursday, oh yes!

Anyway, I have read a few blogs with their New Year Resolutions and I decided to add my own. Like my friend Clare I'll keep it short and simple so that it can be easier to achieve and will be totally unrelated to pregnancy (or lack of) given that this very one thing I have no control at all.

* I have found a new Yoga Centre just a stone's throw from home. They not only do yoga but also meditation. I have already contacted the teacher (Lisa) and I'm enrolled for the yoga on wednesday night and the meditation course when it'll begin in February!

The first resolution is: I have to keep this up.

* I definitely have to exercise at least once more during the week. I want to use regularly my Wii Fit Plus to track my progress. Even if I don't loose weight I have to be a bit fitter than I am.

The second resolution is: I have to be more determined.

* I will try really hard to live in the present. I hope meditation will help me achieving this. For some reason I'm very prone to think about what will happen tomorrow, what will I do in a few months time etc. Yet I have no real control on what might happen that will change the plan. This should reflect in a more positive me, with less hypocondria lurking in my brains.

So far these resolutions have been centred on me. Now three more which will have the me + others combiantion in it.

* I will try to be more available to friends and family. Sometimes it's easy not to call or email. After all, I'm so far away there's not much I can do from here. But I know, I so know, that a word or even a gesture can brighten up someone else's day. And it costs me nothing.

* I will have a Zen approach to work related issues. I often have the impression that half of my colleagues are doing very little. This is probably true but the problem is that it bothers me no end and I tend to go into the "poor me, look how much I do, this is sooo unfair" state. This obviously doesn't achieve anything, I still work the same amount and my colleagues too. I have to lower my expectations and improve my attitude in this field.

* This is probably going to be the most difficult. I do have high expectations in general, and sometimes this is very unfair towards Mike. I will try and have a Zen approach towards his work also. I'll be there if he needs me but I have to be less pushy and teacher-like. I don't like being that way, but I don't seem to be able to help it much. I'll try my best.

I have my heart in it, really. I think I can do well in most of them, I may need encouragement for the last two, I already know, but I am confident that re-starting yoga and embracing meditation will be very helpful.

Sorry neighbour!

Oh dear...I would have updated the previous post but I know it wouldn't have been really fair as you guys had left comments already (thanks, you are great!!)

So last night the doorbell rang and it was neighbour N with a brand new brush for us!! He was very apologetic and the brush is actually much bigger and stronger than the one we have! Mike answered the door (thank God, I would have been mortified!) and things between guys are always so much easier to straighten out aren't they? Mike offered him our old one but no no, no need at all and sorry again!
Then Mike said to me "See? you FORCED me to go ever and give out to them! There was no need!" Ehhmmm...I mean... with the way things had gone the night before, I still think something had to be said, but it is more of a possibility now that it was his extra-neighbour to damage it and he truly didn't know....

Ah well, back to meditation, this has to be forgotten now! Certainly if I had followed one of the key instructions of the book which states "Wait 24 hours before having any reaction"...ehemmehhm I suppose....next time...Zen...Zen...Zen....

More snow and neighborhood tales

No improvement here, temperatures are below freezing and we live on a hill south of the City so I'd say we have it a bit worse. Nontheless...I absolutely love snow.
I have actually learnt a few new words which have to do with how dangerous streets are. Here they go: there are hazardous conditions, excalating to treacherous to end in impassable! As of yesterday evening roads in Dublin are between treacherous and impassable. A part from the roads in private estates I actually think it's not that bad at all. And you should see the drivers...can I just say once again...if you can't handle the snow....STAY AT HOME!!! No need to drive as slow at 10km/hrs on clear roads, you know? From home to the office today I don't think I shifted to second gear at all... and College is pretty much deserted. What can you do...any excuse will do! Well, I'm in, as well as my Swiss colleague and the Swedish one! It's unreal.
I got a call from the pharmacy yesterday to let me know that they had my prescriptions but that "due to weather conditions" they weren't sure if they could be delivered to my local pharmacy by the end of the week. No problem, I don't need them until the 21st anyway. I got the opportunity to check on my progesterone support and it was the Crin.one, so I told them I would have called the clinic to have it changed to the pessaries. It was sorted in no time and I got to talk to the Favourite Doctor!! How nice. She said she'll do my scans personally. I love her.
A bit more on the frost and snow (rant ahead).
One little thing is that, if you remember I live in a duplex and I have two short flights of steps to get to my door and to that of the immediate neighbour. Now, in fairness they were really dangerous (impassable??). Snow had compacted and frozen and each step was very slippery. We have an outdoor brush which I use to clear the balcony and Mike went out yesterday morning and brushed the steps. We got a bag of salt from the management company to share with the other duplexes, we spinkled a bit and then Mike went to the other neighbours in our block to see if they wanted to clear their steps and have a bit of salt. Well, perhaps you can se where this is heading. Neighbour N was very thankful, asked if he could get our brush and took the bag of salt. Mike wasn't too pleased that he took the bag as a few more houses will need it, but still he left everything with him. N said he would return everything to us. After an hour or soo I look out the door and see the bag left there, half empty. It was a 25kg bag. Then I notice the brush also left at our door. The handle was totally ruined. The idiot had used the wooden handle to break the ice (over concrete) and you can imagine the state of it. He didn't even have the decency of ringing the bell and thank us. I was steaming out of my ears. I just cannot tolerate careless people...specially when they are careless with things we kindly lent them. I told Mike he had to go and say something (Mike was also pissed, but probably would have sulked for a while and not acting). Off he went and here's what happened.

Mike rings the bell, N's wife answer.
Mike: "Hello, I'm your neighbour, I gave this to N to clear the steps. It was mine. He must have used the handle to break the ice, look at the state of it now"
Wife: "Oh... yeah, really sorry, we gave it to our neighbour too, he must have done it..."
Mike: "I didn't lent it to your neighbour, I lent it to your husband"
Wife: "Well, yeah...sorry about this, bye!"

Fucking unbelievable. Maybe it's the pill, but i just can't get over it. This people are young, like 30 something, they have a child. Yeah they are weird a bit, wife never says hello. It's not the cost of the brush of course, it's the cheek of them. Not a thank you, not a gesture of offering to get us a new one...Ahhhhhghhh and I like being nice and hepful to others but God, I don't think I'll be ringing their bell anytime soon to offer something.
I am waiting to see if we see them again and if they say something.
I turned to meditation last night to clear my head. It helped a bit but obviously the rage is still in my system! Damn asshole.
Ohhhhhmmmm Ohhhhhhhmmm....Fecker.....Ohhhhmmmm Ohhhmmmmm

Frost all around

Thank you all for the comments, I have felt a bit better lately so hopefully the scary-gray-thoughts will give me some space.

We arrived yesterday in a frosted Dublin. There is snow and ice where we live and although I love looking outthe window, I'd never get out of bed! So this morning we decided to take it easy,I'm sure some colleagues would have been back today, but most won't be in until next week I'd say, so no one would mind me not being in early. We enjoyed our bed no end and cuddled for a while until I got a text from one of my students saying that our building, and in fact the whole of Science was without electricity and not to bother coming in! Oh my...it was just like Christmas! I have been working a bit from home, but mostly done things around the house.

One great news on the attic project is that we got our second quotation and it came in at less than half the price! Plus we know the architect and he lives in our same estate, so we know he knows the development very well. He's also from mainland Europe so I kind of think he'll understand my taste better. Anyway, we obviously checked that his proposal covered the same aspects as the previous one and it does, so I have emailed him this morning to say we woudl like to go ahead with the planning!! That's really exciting.

On the other hand, we still have not heard back from the adoption people. This is very disheartening to say the least. You can't be too nagging of course, but still...it's since October that we know our application has been checked and sits with the Board, it should have been a couple of weeks turn around (still taking nearly 5 months since we lodged our application at the beginning of June) to finally get a waiting list number for our preparation course. Which will still be years away. I am thinking of emailing the kind lady again, I know it' out of her hands now, but maybe she can ask around.

Yesterday, I have started my second week of the pill and a part from a bit of headache is going well, I don't think I have put on weight this time! Only 12 more days anyway!

And meditation is still "hot" in my agenda. The book I got is written by Maneesha James and the website I linked is only one of the many I found. She talks about meditation according to the teaching of Osho (I've only learnt about his existance myself!) and I found it very very calming and empowering. The book has also a CD with a guided meditation known as "Tuning into the Moment" which is amazing too. The only thing I miss now is a little statue of Buddha!

The last one for 2009

My dear readers, I hope you had a great Christmas and peaceful time with your loved ones. I've been at home for almost a week and the frenzy of the shopping, cooking and catching up surrounded me from day one.

First of all, thank you to my new followers for joining in, I hope you'll stay and get to know me a bit better. There are nealry 50 of you! you all mean so much to me, your support is precious, I'm sure you know this already, and I'll need all the support I can get in the next couple of months.

And then here's what I've been up to in the last few days.

A great thing I discovered this time in Italy has been meditation. I never practiced it before and my sister (who's a bit of a yoga-health-relaxation expert) convinced me to go to a class on tuesday evening for a guided session centred on the theme of peace. I loved it. The next day I bought a book and a CD and definitely the new decade will see me embracing this new practice. if you are interested I can recommend the book I got which apparently was written by a well-known guru. I'll also write a bit more on meditation in the new year when I have more time, but for now I have to say, it was an eye-opener. Definitely more me than acupuncture and possibly more than reiki. I think I'll go again for reiki with the new cycle and I'll associate meditation with it!

We had a bit of drama on wednesday, I brought my sister to the eye-ER around 3 am to find out that she had a corneal ulcer. Damn. For a bit we weren't sure if she could join us on our skiing trip but we got the all clear today. So that was a definitely a good Christmas present.

Christmas Eve and Christmas day were traditionally spent at home, the all lot of us, making it to a head-spinning number of 6 people around the table! It's a great thing Mike comes too, although I'm not sure he'll be coming next year (that'll be 5 years in a row...) but I really don't want to miss out on this days with my family, at least until my granny is with us. Afterwards, we'll see, I suppose we'll start alternating years like it's tradition...and it'll be a major sign of love on my side eating turkey and ham instead of my traditional Christmas dinner...

Anyway, we are off skiing tomorrow, we got a lot of snow here so I'm egar to get to the slopes! I'll have the company of AF for a few days (knocked at the door today to see if she could join in right on time wohoooo) which also means I'm starting the pill probably tomorrow as I'm not really bleeding yet. I'll be on it for just 3 weeks!!! Basically a normal pill cycle! It's a different brand this time, I needed a little change, let's hope it'll agree with me. Oh dear...the rollercoaster is about to start again...we'll see how the new-zen-me will cope this time.

2010 here I come. Be kind to me, that's all I ask for.