Monday, June 29, 2009

DNA fragmentation, good news

Mike collected today the results of his fragmentation test and it was only 9% which is very good news. As part of the test they did also a normal SA which as usual gave us very different results from the Irish lab. Much better number (like..double!) but much slower and this time also with abnormalities of the head above normal range. Ah well. I'm pleased with the fragmentation results, apparently is good up to 15% so we'll bring this back to the clinic.

Next news is that I got my bloodwork back and not a parameter out of the range! Very happy about that too and my paranoia is recessing a bit already. Going to get my eyes checked now and then I should be relaxing fully!

I wanted to say that the ICLW week has been amazing, somuch support, I feel like everyone should know about it and partecipate! I'll definitely do it again next month as I'll be in my EC/ET frenzy days (all going well of course!)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Loving ICLW week

I cannot believe how amazing this ICLW week is. It's only been two days and I have already "met" loads of other bloggers! In fact it's almost like a huge virtual hug and I am soo keen to go and read the blogs of those who have found me.
Please stop by again, and tell me if you have ever been to Italy!

Monday, June 22, 2009

ICLW greetings from Italy!

This is my first month on ICLW and I'm really enjoying it! So yesterday I didn't have much time to post as we were travelling to my beautiful home-Country and I'm catching up today.
Quite a bit about me and Mike is written in the "about me" window on the sidebar.
At the moment we are dealing with my next freh ICSI cycle (i've done only one fresh last august plus two FET) and adoption. Well...really there's not much we can do about adoption but wait. We are at the stage where we sent in our doucments so they are in the process of evaluating our health, wealth and criminal records!
So mostly we are focusing on the next ICSI cycle which is going to be a short protocol with antagonists and EC scheduled for the 22-23 of July (only a month from now!!).

I am also suffering at the moment from one of my hypocondriac attack...please don't laugh i know it's silly! It started two days ago I think. It was a long time it didn't happen and as usual when I have something important to start (ICSI this time) this horrible feeling of being seriously ill descend upon me (my head of course). I start being really aware of any small signal given by my body, a headache, pins and name it. Now I think I can't see properly from my left eye! the only thing that will make me feel better is a full check up. Which I dread of course as a potential confirmation of something serious. I actually realise this is the first time I'm putting this in writing and I can see how stupid it sounds...hopefully it'll go away soon and I'll get back to my usual self!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

ICSI and Adoption: incompatible?

I warn you, this post may be a bit confused(ing)!

In a chat with some friends of an Italian forum, we started expressing opinions on why people chose to adopt. A girl who has already adopted was adamant that it is foundamental to have overcome the grief of the lack of a biological child to be able to embrace adoption.
I am quite puzzled. I personally want to adopt no matter what. Of course I know that for some (many?) couple the possiblity to adopt a child is only explored when your own one doesn't come. But there are couple with children of their own wanting to adopt another one.

Am I seen differently because in fact it happens that we are infertile?

Apparently, some social workers want you to make a decision pretty quickly, it is either going to be IVF or adoption. I understand that if and when you are decleared suitable to adopt, all your energy must be focussed on getting the new chlild home and make him/her feel special, but is it wrong to keep pursuing the IVF route in the meantime?

Another girl on the same forum expressed her views and I suddently realised I felt the same way. She said she doesn't need to be called mum, but she needs to hug a child and give him/her all the love she's capable of.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Picked up the new meds!

Tomorrow is my last day in work before the holidays and I'm estatic! So given that my fresh cycle will start basically as soon as I come back in July I went yesterday to my friend Carol (the pharmacist!) and picked up the meds. I discovered that:
1) the clinic has prescribed the full package which includes the Pure.gon Pen (I have one already).
2) Although I still have 600U of Pure.gon at home since last August which is well in date, I got the full dosage prescribed again.
3) Progesterone pessaries have gone out of fashion and now the clinic has prescribed the gel (and I have probably close to 80 pessaries at home, to be added up to at least 6 boxes of Gestone, the progesterone in oil form also gone out of fashion).
4) Because the clinic wants you to bring in your meds on the first visit, I got yet another thermo-bag!
5) And then syringes and needles to beat the band!
So my point is: the system here works that you never spend more than 100 euro per month on prescription drugs. It's a great thing that they give you in one prescription all you need for the cycle until you get your BFP as I know it would incredibly expensive otherwise, but honestly what a waste of tax payers money!! If this cycle works for me I certainly do not need any refill, but bringing back the drugs won't be any good either as they have been prescribed to YOU and no one else can have them even if prefectly sealed. Disonest people coudl start a black market and I don't even want to consider this possibility. Careless people could just dump the drugs in the bin and they are hormones!! Really serious for the enviroment!! I thought that an idea woudl be to bring the mds to the clinic and get them to give them to people in needs that can't really pay the full wack. Here there's no insurance that covers fertility treatment so no matter what it's down to your pocket.
The other novelty in the meds, a part from the lack of nasal spray (still have two unopened bottles!) is that the heparin is a different kind; now, I was never on heparin before so I have no stock at home, but I somehow have the feeling that I'll be starting a new collection!
As usual I went through my routine of eliminating as much packaging as possible to make them look less terrifying and now they are stored away in the wardrobe!

Today Mike had his SA done at the clinic, then he phoned me and said "Very very poor material..." I got a heart attack, I though he meant his production!! But what he meant was the choice of magazines and porns the clinic had this time in the "special room" LOLOLOLOLOLOL!! Anyway, hopefully the real news won't be too bad....

Finally I am so happy I have a new follower, welcome to my blog Stefanie! Looking forward to getting to know you better.


The clinic called with the SA results. Our numbers are still very very low at 5M/mL, but the motility is much better, in fact it's nearly normal! And the morphology also is normal! Please please let the fragmentation test be good too...and the karyotyping too!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Food poisoning and updates on the book

Yesterday I had my ususal smoothie for lunch (from the same place on campus) plus a delicious greek yogurt with grenola. oh boy...not sure what was wrong with them (either or both!) they seemed fine, ok maybe the bananas were way too ripen but they tested ok. About two hours later I had a loss of a peripheral vision of my right eye, quite frightening really if you don't know what's hapening, but I thought I probably just didn't have enough to eat and it was a dip in my glucose levels. Then the nausea started. I had to call Mike to go home (we work in the same College). I felt so bad, the vision was back to normal, but the headache and the sickenss (at both ends!) where orrific! During one of my hypochondriac moments I thought I was having a brain hemorrage! then it passed! I was as clean as a whissle as my MIL would say. Feeling much better today, still a bit weak but had a proper lunch and I'm definitely back to normal. I'll leave the smoothie to when I get back to Italy on sunday!

And then the book. I have started reading the first "chapter" that talks about love. All the stories are very short, you can read them in a minute or so. Oh my god...after the first story I felt a little bit moved, at the second one I had tears streaming down my phace and at the third one I was sobbing!! Definitely not a book for the 2ww I need something way lighter than that. So I decided that maybe other chapters woud be better and started hopping through the book to various other parts. Well, there is one chapeter about living your dreams and it's soo much better! one lesson I learnt was that the mind is very visual and that the best thing to do is apparently to have some sort of an album with figures or photos which represent your thoughts rather than phares and hopes. this one lady had an album with a picture of a very handsome guy, a wedding scene, a big house, diamonds (come on...), a tropical island etc...well, she met this very handsome guy who married her on a tropical island, he turned out to be a diamond collector, and they bought a fantastic house. Ahhh this is like the Carlsberg ads!!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Chicken Soup for the Soul

Thank you so much for your comments on my post yesterday, I feel much better today. I spent the afternoon with a friend who's having serious problems in her relationship and it's always so difficult to give advices...what may be right for you could be completely wrong for someone else. But in her specific case, it is so obvious that at the moment she is so "unstable" that any decision she'll be making in the next few weeks will definitely be irrational.

So, while we were wandering in the various shops of our local shopping centre, enjoying a milkshake and taking advantage of the great offers that never seem to end, I popped into a bookshop and picked up this book that everyone seems to have read already a part from me.

I want to try a different approach for my coming cycle, I got tired of doing acupuncture, and also once a week at 60 euro a pop for nearly a year is some investment!

So I decided I want to try some meditation, positive thinking and of course listening to the ever calming Zita West during the 2ww as well as some positive reading.

I know they have published every sort of book in the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" collection, honestly...there's even one about pets, or cars, or cancer, or twins and triplets (!!) you name it. There isn't one about infertility though. I wonder why. Maybe there's no chicken soup that would work? Oh come on, give us a chance!

I haven't started the book yet so I've no idea if it's one of those overrated books which is actually quite shallow, but if it isn't or if I find it makes me feel good I will be happy to start a specific collection of stories for our very own rollercoaster...

And with all this chicken soup talk, I going to make myself noodles now!

Friday, June 12, 2009

The day of others' BFP

One girl I know from a local forum was due to test today after her 3rd fresh ICSI cycle plus 2 more that got cancelled for various reasons. I was so hoping for her, I felt she had to start the ball of the PBFs rolling for this summer. And she did. She didn't test early, she was in fact very negative about the outcome, same symptomes as always etc. I am so happy for her.

Another girl, this one I know for real, also going through various cycles, one fresh and I think 3 more using her frozen eggs, after so much disappointment and only one chemical pregancy finally got her BFP today. I am so happy for her.

Then why is it that I feel sad? I know I am also tired which doesn't help, but I really am on the verge of tears...I think I'm afraid that it won't happen for me. Then I repeat to myself that we have the adoption card in anycase. And then I'm still sad. I tell myself that those girls have gone through hell and had a good few more cycles under their belt. That helps a bit. It is so difficult to be optimistic all the time and today I am not. But I'll be ok again tomorrow.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

At the pharmacy

You realise that it you have been a good while on this IVF road when you enter the pharmacy (the one that sell the "special drugs") and you get greeted by name. Yesterday I even got a remark on my new haircut! Oh god... let's hope it'll work this time.
Anyway, I just needed to get two packs of the pill as I was on the last one from the old stock. I asked the chemist (Claire I think it's her name) if she could check for me if the prescription for the coming cycle was in yet. She was lovely as usual, and she said the fax is in and that she'll call me back next week to collect the lot. We had a nice chat about the new protocol and she thought it's becoming more and more popular while it used to be done only for poor responders or OHSS risk patients. I'm only delighted that I won't be downregulated at all.
Nothing else to report a part from the fact that we would have the possibility of getting some karyotype analysis done also, but I'm not sure we really need to go that far...I may give the clinic a call and see if they would recommend it.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Playing with the blog template (and making a mess of it!)

Cathy I want to thank you "officially" for letting me know that it was not possible to leave comments on my blog anymore.
Here's what happend. Obviously, I started messing with the blog template, adding things, removing others, finally I found a template like mine but with three columns which is the one I really wanted, changed the settings and...ops! noone writes to me anymore!! :o((( Boohooo! Never dawned on me to try and leave myself a comment!
So for some reason even if everything seems to be properly set, I have to have the comments in a pop-up windows or it doesn't work. Ah well.

Down to the cycle stuff. Well AF is in full force which always gives me a great feeling of getting properly "cleaned" for the next cycle. I took the first pill last night. Mike cancelled his DNA fragmentation with our clinic and we are getting it done in my home city for less than half the price!! So that's great news. He still will get a SA done at the clinic on the 18th of June (ten days from now), let's hope it's not going to be a disaser...
Mum is leaving tomorrow and we are both really sad the week was so short, but that's life!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

A new cycle begins

I didn't have a minute to post yesterday so I couldn't update with my latest news. AF has arrived! After the negative HPT I was still a bit worried that maybe the b**ch was goign to play even more tricks on me and keep me waiting a few more days. I was contemplating the idea of calling the clinic tomorrow and see what I could do to bring the period along. But every IF friend knows that it's nearly mathematical: the minute you POAS, giving in to the most evil temptation, and after the exact 3 minutes (or ten!) that shatters every final hope to see a hint of a line, the twinges start. I had to wait a full day in fairness.
Ah well. I knew it anyway. So tonight I'll go back on the pill for 4 weeks (counting the days already) and then I'll have my first scan on the 9th of July. Any tips for avoiding (or minimising) fluid retention for the next four weeks will be welcomed!

I had also mentioned that Mike was going to do a spermatic DNA fragmentation test (just linked to one of a million clinics that explains what it is). Of course he left the call until last friday and the first slot available with the clinic is on the 7th of July. It'll take two weeks to get the results back (the clinic actually ships the sample to Denmark) and by then I would be close to the egg retrival! Needless to say I was quite pissed. Totally pointless to spend 400 euro this time around. No matter the result we will have to go ahead and I rather not know at that point if it's bad news. Anyway, we are going back to Italy on the 21st of June and my home city is very advanced on assisted reproduction, so I emailed a couple of private clinic to see if we can get it done there. We'll see.

Finally, a very warm welcome to C to my blog! I have my fifth follower!

Friday, June 5, 2009

A day with mum and 7 days late

I took a day off today and spent it with my mum. We would talk to eachother nearly every day (Skype is a bless!) but of course, living so far apart we don't have much time to spend together. I suppose I didn't use to share much of what was going on in my life with her in the past but now things are different. She is a mum, she'd love to be a grandma and I know she can share the pain of me not being a mum.
So she wanted to know (repeatedly!) what the clinic said, what the protocolo is going to be like, am I going to take time off this time, do I want her to come and stay while I'll be cycling, and every day she would say "I know it's going to happen for you".
But we both know it might not.
And then there is the adoption. She is incredibly enthusiastic about this project too, I am trying to stress how lengthy the process is and that there's no point in dreaming just yet. One thing at the time. She used to say that to me and now it's me saying it back to her. Overall we had a great day in town, browsed several shops, had lunch in a lovely restaurant, I went voting for the European elections (back to the Embassy!!) and then back home. Mike and I skipped swimming all this week but I don't feel too guilty about it.

Still no AF to be seen or felt coming. So this morning, given that I am over a week late for my due period, I decided to use the last evil cheapie HPT and with great joy a POAS! It was of course negative, but you know the way it is.At least I have no more in the house for the next cycle and I know it's going to help my sanity.

The weekend is supposed to be cool and probably rainy. Everyone in Ireland is wondering if we had the whole of the summer last week. But I'm hopeful we'll have plenty of sunny days in the next months. No matter the weather though, we have plans. We'll be going to visit the in laws down the country and it should be fun!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Still no AF

Well, I'm still dry! I know I said I wasn't going to get worried for another week, but obviously I'm a worrier! My boobs are not particularly sore or bigger, I do have some cramps but nothing major. I decided I'm going to give the clinic a call if nothing shows up by the weekend.
Cathy thank you so much for joining my blog, I'll be so happy to be nearly cycle buddy with you! And same for you I wish your AF won't be playing tricks!

The other news of the day is that my mum arrived yesterday and she'll stay with us a week! We are delighted, Mike loves her to bits and she is such a great cook we'll be treated all the time to fantastic Italian cusine! Yummy!

Monday, June 1, 2009


I had an unbelievable day. I did mention that I still needed a letter from the Embassy which stated that a particular document requested to proceed with the adoption paperwork doesn't exist in my home Country but that I have another one which covers the requirement in any case. Difficult? You bet!
Today here is a bankholiday, which means every office is closed a part from the Embassies, so I went. I was expecting a bit of a battle to get this letter (which I started asking about a month ago by emails, phone calles, and visit to the Embassy), but the incompetency of this woman was just something else. After 3.5 hours wait (mind you, it wasn't crowded at all, there was only myself!) I lost it. I asked to talk to someone in charge, that this was ridiculous, this woman had basically no English, was writing this letter in Italian for God's sake, and with great difficulty!! Of course the letter had to be in English, I could have written it for her, no big deal!
Another person took over, hinted that I should report the incident in writing, wrote the letter for me and I finally left. Mike waited 4 (four!) hours in the car outside the Embassy, we lost half a day of beautiful sushine so decided to celebrate our little victory over bureaucracy with lunch at our favourite Italian restaurant.
Then I wrote the COMPLAINT LETTER. I have to say I am good at it, I still remember it was one of the tasks when I was studing fot the Proficiency Cambridge Certificate! Not sure much will happen but I better not see that woman again.
So tomorrow is the day we'll send out our application pack. All our documents are perfectly arranged in a coloured folder, with headings for every type of certificate, translation, letter etc. Did I mention I am a perfectionist? :o)

Then it'll be in the hands of God or, more likely, of someone else who can help us with this process (by all means, God, if you can help also it'll be greatly appreciated!!)

Still no sign of AF, I'd be happy to have another week without it!
Finally, I am so happy I got another follower! Clare thank you so much for joining my blog! (((Clare)))