First night on his own

It went down without a hitch! Oliver slept soundly through the night and briefly woke up around 6.30 am because he got stuck sideways in the cot! Once repositioned and soothed up he slept for another hour and half! The major difference from our room is that we added a black-out blind to his window so it's darker for longer and definitely helps him not waking up!

In other news I stepped on the dreaded scale this morning. I have to say I tried on and squeezed back into my skinny jeans the other night, much to my surprise, and started thinking the scale was a lying bitch as according to it I still had 7-8kg to go the last time. So this morning up I went on the evil thing and still it says I'm 62kg. That is 10kg less than I was at the end of the pregnancy and still 5kg to go. There's no way I'd fit back into those if I was 5kg heavier than the pre-drugs IF madness. I think I wasn't even 10 weeks along and I couldn't wear them any more. So that's it, either the thing is lying or the weight has redistributed itself in other places. Which has to be my upper body. But 5kg?? Mystery. They may be still most on my belly (the jeans are a low-waist model) but I'm working on it. You know, I'm going back to Italy in 4 weeks time and me, Oliver, mum and sister are going to the sea-side. Arrrhhhggghh I'll have to buy a bikini or something (it must be 10 years I've not gone to the sea side for holidays) and I'm dreading it! I imagine myself wearing a wrap or a T-shirt all the time...sad I know. Four weeks to tone up. Not sure I can do it. Also, I've always had horrible capillaries and visible veins in my legs which got worse with the pregnancy. So as part of the body-renovation I've started getting them "erased". Problem is, I do that in Italy and you can't sunbathe afterwards, so I can't get any more done till sea time. I won't be a pleasant sight on the beach I'm afraid. Let's hope Oliver will be the centre of attention then!

And thanks so much for the messages about Patches. No major progress I'm afraid, maybe the eye is better but he's breathing is still very congested. Ultimate Vet Hero will come to see him tomorrow.

Loving ICLW week! I've actually got to read blogs I've never read before which is just fantastic! Stick around folks, Attic updates and pics of the nursery are coming soon!

ICLW Mixed Flavours

Welcome old and new cyber-friends. We are in the phase of life where we are finally parenting after a very long journey of infertility, ectopic pregnancies, hopes ans shattered hopes, ICSIs, FETs and eventually pregnancy. The details are on the left sidebar. I hope to come and visit your blog soon and make new friends, this is such an amazing community.

So I went back to the ICLW blog list to see which three topics I had put down and of course now several other things are happening so I'm afraid I won't stick to those themes so much, but that's life isn't it? you plan to do something and then a D-tour must be taken...

First things first. Today my little chicken is 20 weeks old! And tonight he'll be evicted from our room and moved into the nursery. Since last week we transformed his crib into the mini bed

And he had no problem adjusting, in fact I think he feels better now that he has more room to stretch. We had to buy black-out blinds for the nursery window and today's project is to put them up, rearrange the things in the nursery (it's our tiny box-room, he'll move again into the second bedroom once we have the attic fully finished and ready for guests) and hope for the best!

On Thursday night I met a cyber-friend who came to Ireland on holidays (no, not Queen Elizabeth, I don't think she blogs LOL!). Christa and her husband would make such great parents, their FET is just around the corner, let's hope they'll bring home some Irish luck!

And I have to say to you all, in the last few weeks there have been so many BFPs among my cyber friends it's as if all the stars have aligned in a fantastic (and rare) conjunction with the planets and miracles are happening. Some are on my local board (3!!) and several others are in blogland. I am confident one by one all the girls in my top right hand-side list will be moved further down! So if you are cycling now or soon, the stars are on your side!!

Finally my little pet Patches is going through a rough time. He's just over one year old and let me tell ya he has a medical history of a geriatric cat. On his side he has the Ultimate Vet Hero who is determined not to give up on him till there's hope. At times I feel it's too much love and perhaps we should let him go. Patches was about to be put to sleep a year ago and she saved him. But his immune system is non-existent, he has the size of a six month-old kitten, he's currently on nine different medications, is this really a life? There are so many cats looking for a good home, are we doing the right thing in keeping Patches? We also have a second cat, The Dude who is a massive gentle pet and Patches best friend. In the last few weeks he's been so so protective of him, sleeping with him to keep him warm, grooming him when he came back from the clinic, and now I think he is giving up hope too. This morning Patches is a bit brighter but I'm afraid to say anything as when I wrote the last post, just the day after he slept all day long barely getting up for food. We'll see. Stay tuned for further developments.

Looking forward to meeting you all!

Blog restyle, ICLW system, Attic and mojo

Do you like my new blog look? I do! I think it looks fresh and here Spring is in the air!! Though today is a bit wet, but hey it's Ireland and we had incredible weather for so long! Come to think of it...it may have been our summer...Anyway, I realised I missed my second blogversary (April 9th) so I decided to give it a facelift and to add a thingy on the sidebar which hopefully will remind me next year.

I'm really working hard this time at ICLW. I feel I have not participated for so long I owe to the community to do my best to comment on every blog in the list. So I have a system. I started from the top and the only blogs I have not commented on are those that at the time of me reading them had not posted since the ICLW week started. You have to have a screening method or with 179 blogs on the list you'll never manage. Anyway, with two and half days to go I'm at number 90. And this is on top of my normal commenting which has also taken a turn for the better as I want to make sure I return the love and support to all of you knowing I've not been the best since Oliver arrival. And I don't want to be one of those bloggers that disappears once their miracle arrives.

And no floor went down in the attic. More preparation took place though and more defects have been discovered. So new email to the architect who will recall the builder who will come and fix it...

Finally my mojo is no where to be found. I feel as attractive as a plastic bag... not sure when this started, maybe a few weeks ago, my period is attempting to normalise but not quite there yet. I bleed for a few days, then it stops and then it's back for a couple of days only a day later. I wonder if the hormones are doing the same and upsetting my normal self so much. So it's not fun for Mike. But what can I do? It's not the baby at all, it's just my body that's upsetting my sexuality. Can't seem to shift the weight, my boobs could do with a boob job and overall I'm just flabby. Maybe it's because I've always felt very comfortable with how I looked that now that I'm not, I can't possibly see how Mike may still find me attractive. Still all worth it when I compare it with what I gained in my life, but it would be nice to get a bit of horniness back...

16 weeks, Christening and Easter!

Happy Easter everyone!

My little one was 16 weeks yesterday and the Christening went very well! All of Mike's family joined us with his sister and BIL being God-parents. The ceremony on Ester Vigil was beautiful, and Oliver wore the Christening robe that Mike wore at his! Now, not my style at all but I understand traditions! Here's a pic from last night (do you see how blue his eyes still are?)

As milestones go, Oliver is now a pro at lifting his head when on his tummy! Wohoo! Still not really liking it but not crying as much. And he's definitely attempting to roll over (onto his right side) which causes major migrations in his crib and then he gets stuck quite often sideways. Quite funny to see! He's a big smiler and very chatty too! He's very interested in his toys and we think he's now intentionally grabbing things too (like my hair for example). He loves his baby rice and next week we'll start introducing sweet potatoes and then apples. One thing is that he's waking up much earlier these days, not really hungry I think, just bored to be in his crib (or stuck with his head on the side of the crib!)

And mommy yesterday had a pampering massage which was a gift of the Ultimate Vet Hero! She got one too and we had a lovely time together. Today will be a quiet day in our household, I'm pushing for the wooden floor in the attic to be put down...we'll see.

Finally, I'm loving being back on ICLW! I've already met new friends!

ICLW I'm back in business!

It has been a while! Welcome readers to my blog, you can find my story on the left (it's a summary, shouldn't take too long!) and I want to finish something I started last year. In July 2010 I had used half the alphabet to say something about me. Never got around to use the other half! So here it goes.

N Neil Patrick Harris. How I didn't know he existed till a few weeks ago is something I'm actually ashamed of! I'm now a big fan and just getting over my little teenager crush (at the tender age of 36!)

O Oliver. He's my little miracle, born on New Year's Day after such a long journey! Do you see my blog lists on the right? My dream is to have all the cyber friends in the top list moving down to the second one and then to the third one.

P Patches. He's our other cat. The sick one, the one that got The Ultimate Vet Hero into our lives (see later). He's doing much better, still on medications and certainly prone to pick up anything that goes around. But he's the Dude's best buddy and we'll do everything to keep him healthy (even with no pet insurance!)

Q Quest. The quest for a child has been part of my life for the last four years.

R Research. That's what I do for a living. I am a chemical biologist and lecture in one of the Universities in Dublin. I love my job.

S September. Mike and I are both born in September. One day I got to thing that there are exactly 740 days between us.

T Tubeless. I lost both tubes due to ectopic pregnancies. I giggled when the nurse told me to "be careful" at my six-weeks post-natal appointment. But T is also for Twitter! I'm new at it but if you are there too let me know and I'll follow!

U (The) Ultimate Vet Hero. She has become a very good friend thanks to Patches's ill health. We are going out for dinners and inviting each others to our places. Husbands get on great too. She'll be moving back to California as soon as her husband gets the green card. We won't know what to do then!

V Valentina. She is my sister and Oliver's aunt. In charge of all the classical education oliver will get!

W Worry. I worry a lot. I can be of great support for others, but I don't seem to be able to do the same for myself and often I spiral down the loop of irrational fears.

X X-Factor. Do you watch it? I did last year.

Y Yoga. I had a very good teacher, loved her style, and then an absolutely awful one during my ante-natal classess. She really got on my nerves. That's not the way it shoudl be right?

Z Zoolander. It's the name of Mike's car. We thought it had a blue-steel look.

I hope to find new blogs to follow as well as new friends who follow me!

ICLW July 2010

Hello readers! You can find my story on the left (it's a summary, shouldn't take too long!) and this time to do something a little different I'm going to use the alphabet to say something about me. I'll only use the first half of the letters and leave the rest for the next ICLW.

A Awareness. I want to raise awareness about infertility by talking openly about how this pregnancy came to be.

B Baby. As incredible as it still is for me, I am growing a baby. If it's a dream, nobody wakes me.

C Courage. You need a lot of it to pick yourself up again after a disappointment (or 6)

D Dude. This is one of my two cats, he run away as I started the preparation for my last FET and we found him again on the day of the transfer when we had lost hope. I believe he's a magic creature with superpowers!

E Ectopic pregnancies. I suffered two, both after ICSIs and the good thing that came out of it is the charity we have set up to support other women going through the same.

F Faith. I admit I go through phases of having faith and losing it. Now I have it, please stay.

G Grey's Anatomy. Oh my God I watched the 6 series back to back, how did I not follow this from the beginning is a mystery to me. Can't wait for the next series.

H Hope. The only thing that keeps you going forward and try again. The hope to see those 2 lines. The hope that the beta will be rising. The hope that this time the pregnancy will be in the uterus.

I Ireland. I moved here in 2001 and feel at home.

J Joy. In the end there is joy. At times it's impossible to see it, the feeling of desperation that despite all the attempts we'll end up empty handed always lurks under the waters. But we had started the adoption process also and we knew that one day, in a way or another we will have had a child.

K Knowledge. Learning about infertility and being able to read scientific literature gave me the opportunity of interacting a lot with my doctors. Deciding with them which protocol to do, which other exams may be useful and so on made me feel much more involved in the process.

L Lyuda. This is the name of my Favourite Doctor at the clinic. She was the one who picked up the ectopics when no one else was giving me credit for my fear that something was wrong. I believe she almost saved my life.

M Mike. My husband, I'd be lost without him. He's been my strength throughout this journey, he'll be an amazing daddy.

More next time!

ICLW June 2010

Welcome new and old friends. I had skipped the last ICLW round as I was on holidays so I'm very happy to be back on the radar!

So you can read my short step-by-step story on the left bar. We have been through a lot like many of you, if there is anything you think I can help you with fell free to email me, I'll only be delighted to give back some of the support I have received since I started blogging a year ago.

After 3 fresh ICSI, 6 total ETs, 2 ectopic pregnancies, surgeries to remove the tubes, endless tests and even more tears we are currently pregnant and dare I say in the right spot! For me this is close to a miracle. We named the little penguin (our single left over frozen blast, in case you wonder if we do have a real penguin as a pet) Elvis. We had our viability scan at 7w4d and it all looked good. Then at 8w1d I started spotting and totally panicked, but a trip to the ER showed our Elvis still doing well. I find it next to impossible not to worry about this pregnancy, what if I lose it? What if at the next scan there is no heartbeat? And then I kick myself for not enjoying to the fullest this blessing we have have been given, this real possibility to have a family. So here I am, waiting for Thursday and my next and probably final scan at the fertility clinic before moving on to the OB and the real pregnancy World.

Today I'm 9w1d. It just seems impossible that it's actually me saying this.

I'd love for you to stick around and I can't wait to get to know you too.

Patches third chance

Look who's home!!

The patient is back in the house! Yes, this morning the Vet (who is going to be known as the Ultimate Vet Hero) called saying that Patches was in great form and that she thought we were on the right track with the antibiotics and anti-inflammatory therapy. He is still swollen in the larynx and she thinks this is of a viral origin which may have turned in a form of autoimmune issue. We went picking him up and she showed us how to give him the new meds. We are in love with her. Thinking that we were ready to put him to sleep...let's hope he'll grow out of it soon. The therapy is going to be a long one, probably for a couple of months but we are so happy to still have him with us. Mike is totally taken by our furbaby and the fear of losing him after The Dude went missing made him understood how affectionate pets (even cats!) can be.

We now think that The Dude was just a free spirit and that he would have attempted to escape at the first occasion. It's sad that it happen when my parents were here, but I really think it would have happened in any case.

We will get a second cat. We told the Vet also in case they get any kittens in, and we will go back to the DSPCA when we get back from the holidays in June. If the Dude comes back then we'll have three cats!

And now I want to welcome the ICLW visitors, I know we are in the middle of the week and I am only putting up this post now, but I have commented on your blogs dutifully in the last couple of days!

I have a step-by-step history on my left side-bar if you want to check out all we've been through in the last three and half years. We are now in the middle of our...let's see....third FET where we have only one day-6 blast frozen (we call it a penguin), I have a scan tomorrow to check how my lining is growing and also tomorrow I'm back with Dr. B for the follow up after the hysteroscopy. I have no idea what he will do. I am not spotting or bleeding anymore, so I guess things are ok. I suppose if the lining is still thin they'll put me on Viagra (woohooo!!) but let's hope that after the removal of the scar tissue tomorrow my lining will look like a fluffy blanket!

And tomorrow my second student will have his viva....big day for him too but I have to say, with all that went on with us, I had no time to worry. My third student also submitted her PhD thesis last week and again I wasn't in the mood to celebrate at all, I'll have to make it up to them, they have worked really hard. Going to cuddle Patches for a little while!

ICLW welcome

It's that time again! Wow, time flies really.

So my story is all summarised on the left hand-side, I did this very recently and I think it's really handy to get to know people quickly and see if we have something in common.

Today it's also the first day of Spring, so happy Spring to all those in the Northern Hemisphere! I can't wait for the long bright evenings.

Where are we at...let's see, I got my period yesterday so I'm back on the pill whoohoo! I had called the clinic on Friday to schedule my FET (stay tune for the Viagra side effect!) and I'll be getting my dates probably tomorrow or tuesday, the plan is to go ahead with the transfer at the very beginning of May. After the hysteroscopy I have to have 6 weeks of recovery according to Dr. B, but it's actually 4 everywhere else in the Web-World so given that I don't have to stim I'll go with the 6 weeks max before the transfer. Given that we have only 1 blast (day6) frozen and that the chance of it not surviving the thaw are real, I kind of feel I want to move on quickly. We have also planned hour holidays and we are leaving on the 20th of May so I want to have the FET over by then!

For the new readers, we are also pursuing adoption and we are reaching 10 month in April since we sent all our documents and we have heard nothing. The problem with that is that we have been told we should hear shortly and at that point we'll be on a waiting list for a prep course (sometime between 12 and 18 month away). 6 months before the course starts we'll have to stop any IVF treatment. So, you see, if this FET fails, I want to make sure I have the time for another fresh cycle!

Finally, we brought Patches to the vet this morning for a check up after he finished the antibiotics, he got a final injection to cover for the next 2 weeks and the idea is to check for polyps in his throat when he'll get neutered in a few weeks time. It may still be the cause for the heavy breathing!

Happy ICLW everyone, looking forward to making new friends!

Wrapping up ICLW

This week really flew away! For me it has been a week filled with things to do and novelties. To wrap them all up here goes the list:

1) I had the WTF review on tuesday which went well, the plan is to have a hysteroscopy to make sure I have nothing that impedes the implantation in the uterus and then schedule the FET with the single penguin we had in this cycle. I will be on a modified protocol this time which will involve Viagra to maximise the blood flow to the uterus. I look forward to the experience :o)

2) Patches and the Dude came home also on tuesday, they quickly got to know each other and now are inseparable! They sleep together, play together, and even lick each other, so we are delighted with that. Patches was very affectionate from the very beginning, the Dude on the contrary was quite shy and would hiss at you if you were getting too close or try to pet him. Well, yesterday both Mike and I were able to pet him for quite a while (from under the table)! We are hopeful that he will relax a bit more but we know it may take some time.

3) My second PhD student submitted his thesis on friday! What a milestone for him (and for me!) I am really happy with the way his project turned out so hopefully the external examiner will be of the same opinion. The viva will be some time in April.

4) Mum and Dad have finally booked a flight to come visiting after Easter. It took two kittens to get them over here! They will love them and this is now the main topic of conversation when we chat on skype "how are the kittens?" "What do they do?" "Can you show them to us?" and so on. Bless them.

5) I have booked a weekend in London with my best friend, we are going to go to an amazing Spa (check it out here) in March! We went there for my 30th birthday 5 and a half years ago, it was about time we were going back!

6) Last but not least, I found new blogs to follow and I look forward to get to know better my cyber-frineds.

ICLW lifesaver week

Thank God it's here. The ICLW week I mean. When I signed up for this round I was starting my ICSI #3 and of course I didn't know which three words to put down. I think I put "uncertainty" as one of them. Well, that's definitely the right word for my current situation.

Let's recap for the new readers:

IUI: 1

ICSI fresh attempts: 3

FET: 2

BFP: 2

Ectopic pregnancies: 2 (the same two as the BFP)

Tubes left: 0

Penguins available: 1

Needless to say, it is difficult to stay positive, I have my WTF review on tuesday and I hope we will have a strategy for what to do next. After the BFN just last week, I started looking into other options such as surrogacy, thinking that it's my uterus that has something wrong, but upon researching a good bit that doesn't seem to be a likely cause in our case. It could be just the chance of bad embryos like I blogged about a few days ago. We always made it to blasts, even from frozen transfers, but who knows.

My cycle-buddies all got pregnant, as it always happens with me, and the title of my blog never felt more appropriate (a part from the fact that it was not an easy journey for them either).

On our plate there is also the adoption route. After months of silence (we put in our application in June 09), I got a call last week that everything is now in order and we will receive a waiting list number for the preparation course within 3 weeks. The course will be available to us probably in 12 months (18 at the latest) and this means that our infertility treatments have now a time limit because we have to stop them 6 months prior to the beginning of the course.

So how do I cope with the difficulties I'm facing at the moment? Well, a part from the fantastic support of my cyber-friends and some IRL people, I finally convinced Mike to add fur-babies to our household! And on tuesday we'll pick up two young cats from one of the shelters! Pictures and names will be revealed then! Do stay tuned!

Day two and new friends

Thanks for your comments, I do feel much better and I think it was definitely a headache due to stress!

My second day of injections didn't go too well, I do think I got confused with the dose...damn, it never happened to me before, but this time I had to switch the vial in the Puregon pen and there was still so much left...yet I should have basically finished it with my partial injection...anyway, let's hope whatever I have injected was not too little! I'm doing very well with drinking fluids this time and I've also exercised at home on the Wii like I said I was doing and I'll do a bit more tomorrow, pat pat on my shoulder!

On this ICLW week I am determined to find more blogs to follow. I have divided now the pregnant blogs from the ttc ones and I also have removed from the list on the main page those that have stopped blogging. I will still follow them in the hope that they'll come back to the blog-sphere and I may re-evaluate in a few months.

I hope I will get new friends to follow my journey too! I love followers, they are addictive!

ICLW and baseline scan

Welcome my friends, I'd love for you to stay a bit longer, this ICLW week coincides with the beginning of my third fresh ICSI cycle! Let's celebrate!! I was lucky to get pregnant on my other fresh cycles, but not lucky enough to have the embryo sticking to the right place. First it was the left tube. Then the right one. Come on little embryo you can do it this time!! You can read a bit of my story on my profile, but here's the link to the last ICLW intro for a recap up to that point.
So I don't think I ever had an ICLW at the beginning of a cycle, it was mostly during the 2ww I'd say.I do need all the support I can get this time around, I'm dreading another blow. But...let's stay postive.
This morning I had my baseline scan, I stopped the pill on saturday after only 20 days and I'm ready to go. Very thin lining, quiet ovaries and guess...still HIV negative! I'm tested for HIV and other STDs like a high risk person! It's the new EU regulation apparently, you have to have it done at the beginning of each cycle. Just in case. Ah well.My Favourite Doctor wasn't there, she was at a conference, back tomorrow I think. So I had another nurse doing the scan, but she was lovely too. I'm on the same protocol as the last time (short with antagonists) and on the same dose of Puregon. It will all start tomorrow, I will have my breakfast with Prednisolone, high strength folic acid and vitamin B complex, dinner with Puregon and Luveris and a bit of Clexane for dessert. I will finish my day with low strength aspirine. Nice diet, uh? I'm adamant I will drink a lot of water. My next scan will be on day 6, so I'll manage an update within this ICLW week!
Last night I went to my first Yoga lesson in the new place. I loved the teacher which is great and it's walking distance from home! I told her about our IVF and that I will have to stop the classes in the 2ww but if possible I will switch to meditation and she had no problem with it. I'm delighted with myself for sticking to the new year resolutions. I'll be on the Wii fit this evening too!
Now, tomorrow is the big day for my student E. She'll defend her PhD thesis and will move on to bigger and better things...I'm so emotional about it, it's unreal! I will let you know how it all goes of course.

ICLW week determination

This time I'm determined to post twice as required for this ICLW cycle. You all just deserve it. I just realised I've already made two new friends (welcome!!) and can't wait to read more about you.

Let's see where we are at. Well, you can read most of my IF-drama in my profile. Yes yes you got it right, two damn exctopic preganancies out of two fresh ICSI cycles have wiped away any left hope for a natural pregnancy ever to happen to me and I have to tell you that two natural cycles after the last surgery and methotrexate (yes that too! and I've called myself the Ectopic Queen ever since) I cannot believe I'm back to my normal self of three years ago, before all the TTC business started. You see, if there is no hope there isn't the disappointment! And you may think "poor thing...sure I would say the same if I was tubeless.." but no no I really mean it. Even when we (I) said in the past "ok, let's take a break from this crap (i.e. no OPK, no BBT, no TTC, no LH/FSH/HCG and the classic WTF)" I never really was on a break. Deep deep down I was still hoping for a miracle...they happen sometimes right? And I know you understand the stress of it all.

Anyway, we now know that our only chance is with ICSI (male factor was the only reason of our childless life apparently) and we'll give it another shot in January/February (we have dates actually, so all going well EC will be on the 3rd of February).

Meanwhile I'll be talking about work, the attic project and anything else that goes on in my life in between cycles! Thank you for stopping by, I hope you'll stick around!

ps: I'm celebrating my 100 post here! ...and 3 years of TTC madness

ICLW round.... four?

Oh dear...where is the time going? It's ICLW week again! Can't remember if it's my 4th or 5th time and I love it more and more.



So shall I give a quick recap or where we're at? Or your already sick andtired of it :o)? Ah well, it's not like you have a choice ehehehe so here it goes, I promise it'll be short!

Mike and I have been together for 6 and half years (WOWOW that's the longest relationship I haver had!) and we got married in 2007. I started feeling the ticking clock since I was 28 I think but you know how it goes, the time didn't seem right (and it wasn't), I was getting separated from my first husband so really I didn't even quite have the basic crucial elements to have a baby! Then I met Mike, things became serious more or less in 2004 but he couldn't even think of a family at that stage, so we waited, and we waited some more. Until I got tired of waiting and told him so in 2006. It became clear at that point that the traditional Irish education had done some "damage"...there's no such a thing as having children without being married! And so that was somewhat a proposal and we got married in March 2007. We started "trying" a bit ahead of schedule but nothing happened. Then we were married but unfortunately that didn't make much of a difference and after several months we got tested. MFI was the diagnosis. In December 2007 I had a lap&dye plus D&C (diagnostic) and a part from very mild endo nothing seemed wrong.
And here we are, an IUI, one fresh ICSI cycle (ectopic), two FETs and another fresh cycle (ectopic again!!) later...wondering when can we go again.

Good news and ICLW week

HCG is finally dropping!!! 4 days after the methotrexate shot the values plummeted from 1023 to 681!!! How's that for a birthday present? I don't have to go in on wednesday at this point (it would have been day 7 after the shot) but monday next week to see how it goes! I am sooooooo happy....imagine, being happy about dropping HCG! The World is spinning backwards!

Now for the ICLW newcomers here's a brief recap of my (mis)adventure. Our second fresh ICSI cycle in July gave us a lovely BFP...only to find out at 6w that it was ectopic again. A month ago today I underwent surgery which removed my second tube. The first one was lost to another ecopic pregnancy a year ago after our first fresh ICSI. I'm sure you can all imagine the shock of this...event (can't think of a better word) happening again in both cases after successful IVF procedures. Call me lucky.
Anyway, this time around things didn't quite settled after surgery. A routine HCG test 2 weeks post op showed that the hormones were sky high. This ment either that some cells were left behind after laparoscopic procedure (possible) or that the second embryo implanted also outside the uterus, didn't really developed but was not miscarried either and generated a cellular mass producing HCG (a bit less likely, but we are talking about me here!). Anyway, after a number of bloodtests which never really showed a drop in the levels (stabilised at just over 1000) finally I got a methotrexate shot to put an end to this misery. And this is the reason of the message at the beginning of this post, it's working!!
So I'm now 35, hopefully the levels will continue to drop and I can detox myself in preparation for a new ICSI cycle in the new year.
Meanwhile we are also waiting to hear back about our adoption application which we submitted in June 09. I'll wait until the end of the month and then I give them a call to see what is the current situation, the wait will be incredibly long but hey what do we have to loose?
Thanks for stopping by, I always love to have new readers!

ICLW

I am a bit behind with my posting on the ICLW week but I'll start working on it today.
You may have read already how unlucky we have been this time around. Two pregancies after ICSI and two ectopics. I have to say I needed to find out I wasn't the only one who had gone through this and indeed there are a few that shared my experience. At least I'm not an alien.
I need to know if we do have hope of a normal pregnancy, can't wait to talk to the clinic next week. This doesn't mean we'll go again tomorrow of course, I want to give myself time to recover and to be in the best shape possible for future treatments.
I'd love to hear from you, if you know of people who had successful pregnancy after two ectopics and loss of both tubes, please share it with me.

Overall today I feel better. It's only two days since surgery and I'm not that sore or swallen anymore, my recovery seems to be quick and I'm grateful for that. There's nothing worse than feeling ill when your emotions aren't great, at least I can look ahead with a bit more positive attitude.

ICLW week is here again!

I couldn't wait for this week to come around again! I feel so fortunate that this share of virtual hugs comes when I most need it.

A brief introduction for the new comers.
We are currently undergoing ICSI, this is our second fresh cycle, the first one was almost a year ago and we had an ectopic pregnancy which required surgery and the loss of my left tube (and half my heart went with it too). We had a lot of frozen embryos which allowed us to FET cycles, the first one didn't work while the second one resulted in a chemical pregancy.
So here we are again, I'm doing a short protocol this time with antagonists and it worked like a treat so far, at my final scan yesterday I had 5 good follicles on the left and 8 good ones on the right plus a few smaller ones. My E2 levels were very good too, so I had my final dose of Pure.gon last night, the last Orgalu.tran this morning and the next step is triggering tonight and EC on thursday morning!! We will be going to blast so it'll be a very long weekend waiting (or not!) for a phonecall from the clinic if things don't go well. I will stock up in eny virtual hugs I can get!