Saturday, February 6, 2016

How to be a Brit

It's nearly time. On monday I'm starting in the UK. And for the last 10 days or so my anxiety is back. Ah I was doing so well... but no obviously not. Just give me something to look forward to, some target, something to develop and the anxiety just seem to come associated.

I started having this back pain which moved to the left side and comes around the upper part of the stomach...I know I know it has the classic signs of stress and all, but what can I tell you...

Things with Mike seem to have stabilised, I do my things he does his. On wednesday, our of the blue, he took me out for dinner. First time in 13 years I think. It was a lovely evening, the conversation was very normal. But it's as if I am now living in my head, with my own real life somewhere else and my actual real life is some sort of intrusion. Science is going very well, my group is really delivering and in particular a collaborative project is amazing. I brought a student with me to Switzerland (where the collaborator is based) and we got a day on the slopes too. I so so love skiing, it was just one of those perfect days. Made me realise how much I actually miss the continent, the possibility of just hopping on the car and go to the Alps for a day. Maybe one day...

As for the UK. I thought I was just looking forward to starting, it will be really intense at least until the summer when the family moves over too, I'm flying out every monday morning at 8 am and back every wednesday night with a 9pm flight. I'm not even sure they will like this much at all in the new place, but there's no way I can stay without seeing the children for 5 days a week. Plus I'm teaching in Dublin thursday and friday and I still have my group here. But I also don't have any commitments till the autumn semester, I will just write papers and grant proposals. Can really do this anywhere.
I have an Airb&b sorted at least till I find a house, and it will save me a good bit of money as I will only pay for the day I'm using it. My office over there should also be sorted, at least I hope so.

Oliver has had a couple of really bad days. Days where I think I want to have him assessed. Today he got to the point of actually hitting me. I really don't think it's normal. And what makes him escalate is nothing. Literally nothing. And he would make a scene like he is possessed. Nothing calms him and even if you give in to whatever it is he wants that very second, 10 minutes later there is another more pressing request. Today we went from water (no problem) to juice (no there is no juice, I'm sorry) to ice-cream, to electric toothbrush, vitamins, cake, nuts, marshmallows. In the space of 2 hours. 2 hours. We were out shopping and what seemed to work was to let him take what he wanted (vitamins) only to trade it in if he then wanted something different. We went home with a bag of nuts.  And it started this morning just out of bed. We don't know what to do. And this adds to my anxiety. Any suggestions is welcomed.

Martina thank god is the sweetest child. I don't even know how she is not influenced (though at times she is) and is just very very reasonable, and fun to be around. Let's hope it will last forever.


  1. Ohhhh anxiety! I'm sorry you're having so much of it. But, you're going through so many changes, I can see why you'd be stressed.

    If I'm being honest, Oliver sounds like he's going through some changes as well. Maybe he's "picking up" on the anxiety you're feeling? I know Cadet does that very well...if I'm anxious, he starts acting out because it scares him. As for requests, it's hard, but put you're foot down. Give him limited choices, if you can. He can have vitamins OR juice. And then set a timer for when he can make another least until he's done with this phase.

    You are a strong and wonderful woman. I know the next few months will be hard...but you'll make them work! Sending you lots of love!!

  2. I was just wondering how you were doing a few days ago. Whether you moved yet. I didn't realize you weren't all moving over together at first. That's got to be tough.

    I think some kids are really intuitive and sensitive than others. Do you think Oliver could be picking up on your anxiety? Or on the tension between you and mike (if there is any)? I imagine your new work schedule might cause more acting out. I find that my own anxiety sometimes causes Alice to act out. It's hard because she can't articulate why she's throwing a tantrum. She'll tell me she's frustrated or sad, but she can't tell me why.

    Best wishes on the transition to yor new post!


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