Thursday, May 16, 2013

Time is flying

Martina  is 3 weeks and 2 days old but it feels like yesterday she was just born...yet it's as if I've known her forever, I can tell when she is crying why she is crying (no more the gazillion hypotheses  of the random kind) I'm so much more relaxed I can hardly recognise myself. I don't wish the time away and in fact I'm cherishing every moment of this new-born stage. I remember when people were telling me with Oliver the usual "Ohhhh enjoy it, this time goes by so quickly!", I was thinking 'Really? Do you swear it goes by quickly? It feels like an age already'...I was in such different place then and I'm trying not to feel guilty about how I felt at the time (it's not like I had a choice of course). I remember looking forward to going back to work about a month into motherhood, days were dragging on, a lot of time in my hands but couldn't plan a full day, I couldn't really understand other moms dreading the thought of going back to work, how could they cope all day with a baby who does very little? And Oliver was very easy, not demanding at all, once he was fed. I suppose it was also a different time of the year, January, freezing cold, with snow like Ireland never saw before, short and dark days. Now it's spring, albeit still an Irish spring, but it seems to contribute to my positivity. Martina is still very easy, in fact she is great, even though I feed her on demand and my nipples are sore and cracked despite the shields, I would't want anyone else to take it from me. I still bleed on and off (apparently normal when breasfeeding) but it means I never know if not having bled for a couple of days is indicative of dryness or not. I feel I'm in full mommy-mode which was not the case with Oliver were I was more like...a basket case to tell you the truth, but I can only see it now that I know it can be different and wonderful.

The nights are only ours, Mike has moved to Oliver's room during the week and I just have her. For a few nights she only anted to sleep cuddled beside me. After fighting this for a while (I'm not much for co-sleeping, but just because I worry I'll roll over her etc, so I'm actually not sleeping at all!) I gave in and snuggled her beside me. Her smell is wonderful and my heart melts away. Oliver comes in to the bedroom in the morning with Mike to use our bathroom and he is such a big boy, he's very quiet if he thinks we are still sleeping and doesn't jump on the bed or anything, but if I call him, his eyes lit up and comes into the bed, wants to hold Martina and he's so gentle and sweet, you should see him.

If I'm not feeding Martina I always spend time with Oliver when he goes to bed. I love our time together, he loves it too. Story time, cuddling time, resting time (for me). It's as if I rediscovered him in the new vest of big brother who says "Mamma, Martina is crying, she's hungry".

I'm sure it's normal but my sex-drive is below zero at the moment, and while I miss Mike that way, I'm just in a different dimension, a deep sense of contentment which seems to last forever and I am sure I never felt this way before.

My mom left today after almost 4 weeks. My dad came up on tuesday to meet the new grandchild and returned home with mom. They have been great, nothing like the last time they were over, I deeply miss them now and I wish we were closer, though I don't want to move back to Italy and they'll never move here, so this is our reality...

As of the last couple of days Martina has a sore tummy in the evening, I think it may be that I've eaten chocolate, though I don't know, hopefully it'll pass soon as it's heartbreaking seeing her in pain.

Love to all.

10 comments:

  1. Oh Fran, it sounds like you are just in love with Martina and loving Oliver more too!! I'm glad you are enjoying this time with your babies. Oliver sounds like such a good big brother. So sweet. :)

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  2. This is such a love-filled post! How wonderful that you are now able to enjoy motherhood to the fullest! I also was able to relax and enjoy much more with #2 than the first time around (when I was a basket case too between month 3-7). And it's true, big brothers are the sweetest ;)

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  3. What a lovely post Fran, so happy that you are enjoying your new baby.

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  4. My dear friend! What a wonderful post to read! I am so happy that you're in a good place! I can't wait to give you a big hug next time we see each other!!!

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  5. Oh it all sounds wonderful!!!

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  6. You sound amazing! Pure unadulterated new mom bliss! I'm so happy for you!!!

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  7. Bliss... and so happy you are not a basket case this time. :-) I'm sure this made your parents feel better too. Like you say, it is hard to see your daughter in pain, or sad or worried.
    So glad your cold doesn't stop you from smelling little Martina. Although my Suzy mainly smells of all the milk she keeps spitting over herself. And doesn't even new baby poo smell sweet?
    Hugs

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  8. It's been such a crazy couple of weeks that I forgot how close our kiddos are in age this time. I seem to have gotten closer in age to a number of sibs this time around.

    I however, am praying this time for the newborn stage to pass. P is ignoring the baby and throwing massive tantrums and generally not being cautious around him. Not a surprise considering he caused my labor. I'm feeling inadequate and overwhelmed.

    I'm so glad to read that you are having the complete opposite experience.

    Love you my dear.

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  9. I love this post! So sweet and tender. Beautiful the way you are enjoying this time - not just with Martina but also with Oliver. I'm so very happy for you all.

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Thank you so much for stopping by, your comments warm my heart!