Monday, November 2, 2009

Moving on

Thank you so much for the comments on my last post. We were away last weekend and I had the opportunity of talking to a good friend of mine who's a clinical psycologist (and I think she's pregnant!! see later) about my student and she agreed with you all that she needs to see a doctor very soon. So I talked to my student this morning again, she feels much better, appears to be the usual lovely girl I got to appreciated so much during the years and although she has not gone to the doctor yet I made her promise that as soon as she feels things are changing again she'll go. And I'll have her under very strict surveillance!

So as I was saying we went to visit friends in the countryside last weekend. We have two couples of very close friends who are even closer among themselves. T is Mike's best friend and A, his wife, is a fantastic girl and a very good friend of ours. They know all about our IF and have been amazingly supportive (during my FET last April we went at their wedding carrying the penguins!). C and D are the other couple, they have a baby who's 18 months or so and absolutely adorable. A and C are both clinical psycologists and they have been great help during the dark days. C is pregnant again and I so much appreciated that she called and told me very early on (she is 10 weeks), she said it was difficult but also she knew it would have been disrespectful of me actually not telling me. And I was truly happy for them. This was last week news.
And then we went to T and A for the weekend. I had the immediate impression she was pregnant too. They didn't say though, so it may be just very early, but I knew. You know the classic things like she's not even tasting the wine (and he's not even offering it to her, very unusual!!) and being a bit more tired than usual. Yet we went for a nice walk up the hills and did a lot of gardening. So Mike doesn't think she is. I bet we'll get the official news in a month or so.

We'll be the only childless couple left. I admit, this had an impact on me that I probably understimated a bit. I felt sad at the idea, out of the circle so to speak. I'm afraid they won't call us anymore, maybe just out of consideration that it may hurt us being around their children, their happiness. Which we don't have.
And I got my period on friday night, right on time which was great, but somehow brought back the feelings of fear that I had when I was bleeding due to the ectopic. God....I'll be absolutely terrified if I'll get pregnant again. Not sure what to do about it.
I called the clinic today and I'm waiting for a call back. Ideally I don't want anyone IRL to know about this, I know everyone is just trying to be supportive, but the stress of keeping real people up-to-date for me is a lot right now. We'll see. Hopefully they can schedule us for January/February, I want to be on the pill for as short as possible.

And I know I haven't updated on the attic conversion yet, but i promise it's on my list of things to do!

5 comments:

  1. Fran, big hugs. I can imagine the fear that the bleeding brought back. I'm sorry that things have to be this way and also that you're feeling left out of the circle. We all have felt that way from time to time. Can't wait to hear about the attic conversion.

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  2. ((HUGE HUGS))

    I so relate to the being left out of the circle feeling. I'm glad that your other friend was sensitive when she told you her news. Hope you hear back from the clinic soon.

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  3. I also know the "left out" feeling. Most of my friends married in their 20's or 30's and had kids. I didn't even get married till I was 40! So many years I was the one single among a group of couples with children. I'm sorry you're feeling that sadness, and I hope that by year's end next year, you will have your arms full with a chubby little baby.

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  4. Fran, I know it sucks and it's hard and the fear is always sitting on your shoulder ready to strike. BUT remember that when you get pregnant again that baby has no where else to settle in but your ute...

    It's gotta work out for the good at some time, so why not next time?

    Thinking of you.

    xxx

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  5. I vividly remember all the times that after my ectopic that brought up the fear of another one. The worst was a cycle that lasted forever then I started spotting - the spotting like the ectopic. I talked to the nurse and I was such a mess that the doctor had to call me back.

    HUGS and I hope that you are able to pass up the wine at the wine tasting SOON!

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Thank you so much for stopping by, your comments warm my heart!