BFN

Well, it was too good to be true and yesterdy when I tested again with FR the line was gone...my two little penguins didn't stick around. So I spent all yesterday afternoon working on the balcony, planting new flowers in my pots and so on. It was a good day after all, I don't want to get too upset about this or we'll never survive this roller-coaster.

Just for fun I POAS in the afternoon, one of those OPK again, given that they'll go out of date by the end of the month, and there it was, smiling at me a nice second line, much stronger than on thursday (still not as strong as the control), but what the hell does it mean??? Anyway, after having seen that Mike insisted that I keep up the drugs until tomorrow, the official testing day. I am now afraid that either those damn sticks are evil (likely possibility) or that if tomorrow the test will pick up a bit of hcg it woudl be another ectopic. I am in fact terrified at that possibility.

Of course I am also thinking that maybe my uterus is not a "welcoming environment" and that it may never happen for us. Our embryos are top quality and still they don't stick in the right place. They survive freezing and thawing, they grow to blastocysts as if they were fresh and that's also not enough to get me properly pregnant?

Thankfully all our adoption documents are nearly ready and that thought, although it's a long way, gives me some peace.

I have anyway booked a phone review with Dr. W for the 11th of May and see what he suggests. Looking forward to a week of holiday and realax in Sicily next week, and can't wait to start detox!