Here's what happened. Yesterday Mike sent me an email asking me if we could host a friend of his on Saturday night. This guy is coming to Dublin from quite far away for a night out with a group of friends or ex co-workers I'm not sure. Basically he needs a place to crash for the night before driving back home.
I'm generally extremely happy to have people over, but not this guy. First of all he smokes and I can't stand the smell of smoke at all (this was always the case but now is magnified a million times). Of course he won't smoke in the house, but the clothes bother me all the same. Second, when he's drunk (as he will be) he's out of control and I can't stand him (note that he's a very pleasant guy otherwise). Third, the last time he stayed over after a night out he stepped on the futon mattress with dirty shoes and didn't bother cleaning it even when he was sober the day after. I mean he's no teenager, he should know better. Finally we have the cats and I am not sure when he'll be coming home in the middle of the night if he can at least make sure they aren't running out the house terrified...
Anyway, I replied immediately saying that we were out for dinner so not really easy to arrange for keys. Mike said he would tell him so and see. I replied back saying that actually the idea of having this guy drunk in the house was not appealing at all. I never heard any more on the matter until Mike informed me that they arranged for the keys and he'll be staying over.
Oh ok then...I'm glad my opinion matters...
I am so distressed about this, I didn't sleep at all last night and I'm on the verge of tears constantly... If I could spend the weekend somewhere else I would. The thought of having to get up on Sunday to a stinky house is revolting and at what time will he leave? Do we have to entertain him? Can't face it, just can't.
19 comments:
Since Mike made the decision without your consent... can you make sure he takes full responsibility for his guest? Like, being up when he comes home to make sure cats stay in the house, tell friend to clean up after himself (and if he doesn't, take care of it). You're entitled to be steaming, hormones or not :)
Big hugs!
I agree with Circus Princess. Mike is the one that's allowing this guy to stay over so he can be the one to clean up after him! And maybe he can sleep on the Futon with him too!
I agree with Circus Princess also! I am sorry that you are having to deal with this!
((Hugs)) I agree that even the smell on the clothes would be enough. I agree with Circus Princess. Make sure Mike is responsible for any cleanup. Maybe this is the opportunity for bargaining. Is there anything you have been wanting for awhile? Jewelry? Clothes? Weekend trip? I might ask for something from Mike for the inconvenience. I, also, might make sure I have everything I need in my room for a relaxing day. Videos, books, magazines, kittens.
You go ahead and feel as hormone-y as you want. You are entitled. :-)
I agree with Junebug - Mike definitely owes you one (or something)!! Seriously, I think you should work the "I'm pregnant" angle for as much as it's worth here. :-) And I definitely think that means not having to lift a finger to 'entertain' this guy. Since Mike made the decision to have him stay, I'd just tell him, that's fine, but 'here's what you're going to do and what I'm not going to do.'
Cigarette smoke, even the stale smoke that clings to a smoker's clothing, is nauseating. Can you keep the cats in the bedroom with you that night so you have one less worry?
That totally sucks! I have has similar experiences. Once a buddy of my husband, who fortunately doesn't smoke stayed over and he was seriously dirty. Like needing a shower. So I told R I didn;t want him putting his feet on our couch unless he washed them. Ha, So I was the bitchy wife sending orders from the back room. Oh well Good luck! Maybe you could go stay at a hotel. Might be fun.
O honey, I feel for you... Communication shouldn't have to be this hard! Of course i agree with the ladies. Please don't kill me for touching on the male perspective here: from your post it seems you only made a 'practical' objection (with regards to keys) Guys being guys they can deal with practicalities, so your guy did just that. Did you tell him how you feel? how being pregnant makes the smell worse? Can't you tell him you slept over it and feel bad, if they can please work something out, someplace else?
You shouldn't have to flee. breathing through the weekend is no fun (I try this far too often)
Please try again? Blame me if that helps!
Argh:( Men and their men friends. It's a relationship I'll never understand. And I'd be highly irritated, too. It's just a lot of bother and worry at a time when you really shouldn't have to worry about things like that. (And the smoke thing...even if he's not smoking around you, the chemicals are there...and why should you have to clean up after someone who smells of booze and cigarettes?). I almost want to say take the cats and go somewhere. But then I think: why should you be forced out of your own house?
I agree with Circus Princess, too. Mike's invitation, Mike's guest = Mike's responsibility.
Ugh, nothing smells like roses than a drunk, smoking guy in your house! Can you stay at a friend's house? Maybe Mike can talk to his friend and ask him to be a little more respectful in your house.
Sorry that you have to deal with this. Hope his stay this time will be better than last time.
I say keep the cats your bedroom so you don't have to worry about them getting out. Have Mike spray air freshener the next morning/open windows to air out the smell. Have Mike entertain his friend and you relax in bed.
Fran, I love your blog. What about the two of them go stay in some fleabag hotel and you and the cats keep the house? No way should you have to put up with someone who smells and is rude!
I would have Mike tell him your not feeling well as of late and put him up in a nearby hotel. let Mike pay for it. You shouldnt be put out in your own home. either that or just hibernate in your room until he's gone or make arrangements to be gone until he returns. I woudl go get myself a massage on Mikes dime ;) Sorry you have to deal with this, doesnt sound fun and I would be totally irritated too.
I would definitely feel the same way. I am quite protective of my personal space and home. Maybe its because infertility takes so much from us that we just want to have something (anything!) that is constant and safe.
I hate not being able to relax in my own home so I feel for you Fran.
I hope Mike handles all the problems if any arise and that you get to stay in bed (with the cats!) and be ambivalent to it all. Hugs.
Nothing like an unwanted, stinky, unpleasant guest:((( I am so sorry he is coming! I would totally make sure to help him understand the problems, if/when (hopfully not!) they occur this time. Just to make sure you would NEVER need to deal with it and get stressed out by it, ever again.
Hope hubby stand up for you! and more importantly makes it up to you!!!
Sorry about the tough day, Sweetie!
Oh ew - that sucks :( I think you should do what other commenters suggested and tell Mike he is responsible for his house guest. Can you stay at a friend/relative's house or maybe even a hotel for a night?
I would be upset too! I hate the smell of smoke also. Of course I have asthma and am also terribly allergic to it so that doesn't help matters. Hopefully, we will be the best houseguest ever. ha! A girl can wish right?!
Rrrrg! That is so annoying! I think Mike should have to sanitize the house of this guy's odors and mess after he leaves. If he is going to have him over, and the guy isn't responsible enough to be a good guest, then Mike needs to clean up after him. It isn't fair to impose on you and then not pull his weight as a guest. You aren't a stinking hotel, and you're not a maid. You are doing him a service by letting him stay in your house rather than paying for a hotel, he needs to act like a big boy and clean up after himself, whether that be to clean his scent out of the air and furniture, or scrubbing up any messes he makes.
I would seriously be all over Mike like white on rice if that guy leaves a mess behind.
Good luck getting through the weekend.
Maybe he's changed? Maybe he will be respectful and polite and appreciate that you've offered him a bed for the night? Maybe, your assumptions may be wrong about him?
Just look at your most recent post and yup it looks like he was some of the above....
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