My brave little soldier took the two shots this morning like a trouper. He cried a little but was fast asleep before I exit the doctor's office!
I want to thank you all for reassuring me that I'm not insane, it felt really nice reading your comments. When I talked to the doctor this morning, she didn't seem to think there was nothing out of the ordinary. Yes, maybe I better keep an eye that the anxiety is not escalating further but at this level is still normal. So I'm not sure what to do, her only recommendation was to "fight back" the dark thoughts with the rationality I have, to surround myself with positive people and to believe it will get better. Sounds simple.
On tuesday I also talked to my friend at the baby-massage class (which I totally love!) and I felt much better afterwards. She said it's possible that all the stress accumulated in the last two years with infertility first and the ectopics that followed may be coming down all at once now. Everyone kept saying to me all along how strong I was and where did I find the strength to keep going etc. I also wondered that myself as I'm no superwoman at all, so perhaps was just a coping mechanism then which I don't need now and all the insecurity is hitting at once. I think I need to re-find my solid ground though. I will go to see the psychologist I went to for a short while when I go back home next week. Just in case she has some other helpful tips to add to the doctor's. I'm optimistic I'll get over this, but I definitely felt very concerned I had myself into a loop since I got pregnant and not really coming out...it felt like a long time of anxiety!
Oh by the way...the Snuza arrived ehehe
8 comments:
Great news all round! I think your doctor is right in many ways - just as long as you don't think you can will yourself into feeling better. If your anxiety is moderate then the things she told you will help - if it's more severe the psychologist will be very useful also.
Keep getting out, doing stuff, sharing your feelings with other people - like other moms.
Sending love!
The blues and the insecurities can last for a while...specially because of what we have been through... I guess you pointed it out right! You held it strong for all this while and now fear is trickling down and haunting you. Stay strong hon - it will pass! Much love to your brave lil dude! :)
Hmm, post partum blues are definitely a thing to keep your eye on. I think I read that they can often be turned around by a supplement.
Sort of along the lines of this article:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16963806
I would think that 5-HTP could also be useful...and as much sunshine as you can get. :)
I agree with all the ladies above... you will overcome this anxiety soon. Can I just say Oliver is beyond adorable!
What wonderful news about Oliver getting his vaccines done - he's so good!
I like what your friend was saying about the stress accumulating - it's very possible. I find your superwoman comment very interesting. I get annoyed when people say how strong I am to go through all this, because I think it's very fake - I'm not that strong! My therapist encourages me to break down and cry occasionally, to allow myself to let the feelings out, because at some point they will - no matter what.
I hope your psychologist helps you in this process. It's very important for you to take care of yourself so you can be the best mother possible to your little boy!
If you ever needs some notes about how to cope, check out my secondary blog. Its still up. But that was the whole reason I started to write it was because I had a hard time coping after pregnancy.
I wouldn't be one bit surprised if part of what you are going through is post traumatic stress from years of infertility. I know I went through it. I had the post partum to compound it. I'm glad you're going to see a shrink because I really think it will help you work through the left overs from IF. It will get better. Just remember that.
What a good boy braving his shots! What a sweetie. I hope you will feel better and less anxious, and being able to talk about it helps. I think people understand the worries of a new mom. Enjoy the Snuza!
I think it sounds like good advice (and I also think it's smart to go and talk to the psychologist at home). I really do think that going through the churner of infertility and loss is a trauma. Actually, it's trauma upon trauma. And it makes sense that our relationship to that would be very complicated. I have often thought that going through this is like trying to get through a war. You batten down the hatches, keep calm (or not) and carry on. But there is always a time of reckoning (and there are a lot of people who make it through wars only to face tremendous difficulty when those wars are over). I guess what I'm saying is to be kind to yourself, not to judge yourself. I hope that solid ground is just around the bend.
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