Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A little freak out

All day I got myself convinced this is another ectopic pregnancy. I know all of you who had one know what I'm talking about...

Having no tubes, if it is ectopic, it has to be located either in the stump of the tubes or in the narrowing of the uterus towards the tubes (cornual). The possibility is something like 1 in 2500-5000 pregnancies. But a lot more dangerous than a normal ectopic. And you know the way I am excellent at falling on the wrong side of the stats.

But lets back up. I have twinges on my right side. Sometime on the left but definitely more on the right. That's what's freaking me out. I started thinking that at 4w2d I wouldn't really have ectopic pregnancy symptoms, the size of the pregnancy is too small. And yet...the little bee in my brain kept buzzing. I even checked out the location of the hospital on the island we are going on holiday to. Just in case.
Then I started searching the literature for information on these other type of ectopic. The more I was reading the more the twinges. Than I tried to exactly localize the twinges. Of course it's impossible. It does feel like is towards the ovary but sure with no tubes that's one sure place where the embryo is not! So what the heck is it? It was a FET, can't be that the ovary is enlarged, I was suppressed until embryo transfer...

I did nothing all day but worrying. Can you imagine? I'm going to go insane. Where's all my Zen gone? Every pregnancy I had ended up in theatre so that's for me is what is normal my friends. I don't know what twinges are normal in a pregnancy. You may say that my beta are good hence unlikely to be ectopic. Yeah...maybe. But I had perfect beta the last time and all it meant was that the pregnancy in my right tube was viable (and I may have had another embryo implanting too).

Then I got an email from one of the girls in the Ectopic Pregnancy Ireland group to organise the next meeting, and I replied straight away to all of them pouring out my heart and fears. It turns out all of them who had a normal pregnancy after an ectopic had the fear it was again ectopic because of the one side-twinges! I have to tell you I feel a lot better. That is until I will worry again of course.

I keep repeating myself "one step at the time" but I never made it past 7 weeks so those steps are running out fast. Anyway, I bought 2 more FRER and I'll do one tomorrow morning before going in for beta, at least I'll have somewhat of an idea which way the numbers will be going! And on thursday no matter what, we are off on holidays. Let's hope we'll be able to enjoy them!

28 comments:

  1. Considering what you've been through, I would freak out as well. And I'd also roll my eyes at statistics (you put a lot less stock in them when you've taken the statistical bullet before,as you have!).

    I'm glad you received such a quick response back. And I have had one-side pangs with each pregnancy. While they weren't viable, they were in exactly the right place. No doc has ever been able to explain that to me but it's definitely been on one side or the other, before starting up in the middle.

    Getting through this part is so darned hard. But I am hoping hard for you.

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  2. Statistics are no comfort, I hear you!

    I'm glad your friends were able to comfort you, though.

    Glad to hear you had a nice beta result. I've been told that the darkness of the line on a HPT isn't a good indicator of your beta value. In other words, comparing tests doesn't work.

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  3. thinking of you.. it will be hard to stop freaking out before you see a heartbeat in the right place, but it would be a shame to freak out for two weeks. I can't remember feeling anything the first "6" weeks. (except disbelieve)
    Would simply 'not bleeding' not be reassurance? if this little one survived running after kittens past midnight it will survive some freak outs too I think.
    Have a good trip!

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  4. This is completely normal. I would be doing the same thing. ((hugs)) Know that you are surrounded with lots of love.

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  5. Fran Congrats!!!!!! This is so exciting! I pray that the location is just fine and that this is a viable pregnancy. Try to keep your head on straight.

    *big hugs!*

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  6. I would be freaking the F* out too! LOL I am glad you have that support group of friends who know what's it like and can tell you what to expect and not expect!

    Looks like we need to ruffle up some kitty drama to shift focus...maybe we can get Patches to pee in your shoe or something?!

    Your doing great, just keep telling yourself that "I am perfectly pregnant, happy, healthy whole and complete"

    xoxoxoxoxox

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  7. I totally get it - I'm going through the same thing... Until I see that ultrasound with sacs in the right place, I don't know if I'll stop worrying as my previous ectopic was just awful. I've done lots of research lately about twinges and even slight pain on different sides of your abdomen, and I've been told it's normal for early pregnancy...

    Hang in there!!!

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  8. I'm glad you were able to get some reassurance from the support group. Hope you enjoy your holiday!

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  9. Fran, I think the freaking out that its another ectopic is only natural. I know with every IUI I had I freaked that the next would be an EP each time I had that familiar side twinge.

    Plus with and EP history you have to be more vigilant to prevent it from happening again.

    I'm hoping this one is not an EP and you can rest easy.

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  10. I can tell you that I've had at least three nightmares about this, one before even being pregnant. So, it's just he'll until the can scan you and see that it's in the right place. That said, I've heard that they typically don't leave much tube for you to get that penguin stuck in. I'm not sure how it works with a frozen cycle, but those ovaries play a role usually. Mine twinge all the time and in the cornual and my ectopic, I was asymptomatic. Likely that you are just feeling the ute stretch and ovaries resetting. This loss crap has us all ducking every time a car backfires, as we hear gunshots, right? I'm crossing fingers for the next result an am insanely jealous of the wonderful time you are going to have on holiday!

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  11. Can they do a super-early sca yo look for a gestational sac before you leave? Can't remember exactly when that becomes visible.

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  12. Thinking of you and crossing my fingers that everything is perfect! I've been a little behind on blogging lately and didn't even see your positive test until just now. Congratulations!! Keep us updated!

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  13. Best wishes tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you.

    And it was so thoughtful to put the disclaimer in your last post. Thank you!

    Take care.

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  14. First, I have been out of town and haven't been keeping up, so CONGRATS! I wish I could make you feel better, but I know I would do the same thing in your position. Like you said, it is all one step at a time. If it makes you feel any better, I always feel more on the right side than the left with this pregnancy. Even when they find Scooby on the ultrasound, it is usually to the right a little. Best of luck tomorrow!

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  15. Your freak out is understandable but I have/still have cramping/twinges on both sides so it can be a great sign. Try to relax, that's all you can do at this point.

    ((HUGS))

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  16. Hi Fran,

    Following your blog since last Oct and wish you all the best on this pregnancy. Just wanted to let you know that I had pains on my right side even before I POAS, and had an ultrasound showing that was where the baby was burrowing in. This could be what you are feeling as well. Ultimately I had a m/c, but I was concerned about an ectopic, even though I had never had one.

    Also, there is some great info about u/s too early and how there are really not too many studies to the harm it can do to an embryo too early. I had a scan at 5w0d and m/c with a blighted ovum and then had another pregnancy and had an u/s at 6w2d and miscarried at 12w with the embryo not growing past 6w2d point. I DO NOT want to worry you, but what will be will be, and the next time I get pregnant (hopefully) I will do what they do back the in UK (where I am from originally) and wait until the embryo is over 12 weeks so as not to have any soundwaves potentially harming a very sensitive embryo. Take care and I look forward to reading about the progress of your pregnancy, and hearing about your penguin's happy feet dance in your belly. Have a great vacation. DM

    The website is www.aims.org.uk

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  17. Thinking of you and hoping so much for a zen and peaceful pregnancy. I hope you can relax on your vacation:)

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  18. It seems very normal that your so worried. I haven't had an ectopic, but after two miscarriages, I've been worrying constantly about this pregnancy. And, the overanalysis of symptoms is just unavoidable after your previous experiences.

    I'm hoping all the very best for you. Even if you can find a little zen time each days, it's great.

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  19. I can perfectly relate to your feelings. I don;t think I will eer be able to relax through the first couple of weeks of a pregnancy until the first u/s. What you have been through is just too much. I am so glad you found some support in your circles. That's great to connect with girls with positive stories and find some encouragment during these times.
    I am sending you very positive and comforting thoughts and much love your ways.

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  20. Sorry you are having to worry. Of course our history follows us and can haunt us, you know?

    But I have to tell you the strangest thing happened. I was in the kitchen tonight, putting some chicken in a pan to cook for dinner. Suddenly you were in my thoughts. And I had only been thinking of chicken! I had the strongest sense that this pregnancy is going to work for you. I don't know whether your preference is for a boy or girl, but I just felt so strongly that you're going to have a baby boy. I am going to cling to this vision and keep praying that it comes true. Can't wait for the next beta and I hope you'll be able to post from your holiday!

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  21. Considering your history, I'd be scared about ending up on the wrong side of statistics again too. The pains you describe seem normal though, I've had them on just progesterone (not pregnant). Thinking of you, and hoping that the penguin implants in a perfect place!

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  22. It's so understandable that you are having these feelings. You're right - you just have to take one step at a time. Take care and I hope the beta is awesome today!

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  23. I dont think the freaking out ever stops. Im waiting to hear your newest beta and hoping that its super-high!!

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  24. I have to start with a big, HUGE congratulations!!!!

    I know the worry, how hard it is to be positive...hang in there, Fran.

    The fear of ectopic is so, so real for girls like us. Until I was able to see the little ones on an u/s at around 8 weeks IN my uterus, I was convinced that I was going to end up with another ectopic.

    All I can recommend is that you take it one day at a time, and enjoy it! I'm SO happy for you!!

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  25. On honey... Sending Zen thoughts and lots of positive energy!!!

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  26. I'm not going to tell you not to worry cos you will until you know it's all good indside there with Elvis.

    What I will say is try and minimise that worry. Try and focus on holidays and two lines on pee sticks and good healthy betas.

    Thinking of you.

    xxx

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  27. Worrying cannot be prevented, given what you have been through.

    Sending you love and a whole lot of prayers.

    Enjoy the vacation girl.

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  28. I remember having twinges in my early pregnancy too and freaking out about them. I have been praying non-stop for you girl and I just know that this is it for you. Can't wait to hear the next beta results!

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