Thursday, September 13, 2012

Phoenix

I thought that if Deng survives we really owe him a much better and more powerful name. So it will be Phoenix, like the mythological creature that is reborn from his ashes. I have actually started calling him Phoenix already. You know, just in case he's still there.


I wanted to thank you all for your support and comments, honestly, I really believe there is a much greater chance that Phoenix will not make it, all the literature points in that direction, bar a few cases, and I think what is even worse is that in all performed studies, once you have a slow hb at 7 weeks, even if it gets normal by 8 weeks, the chances of first trimester demise is still significantly higher than if you have a normal hb at 7 weeks. Plus as I said, this correlates with a higher chances of chromosomal abnormality. Which means that even if next week Phoenix has caught up with growth and hb, we are by no means out of the woods. If I have to be honest, I don't know what to wish for myself.

Today I started pondering what will happen. Say we do get to next tuesday with no bleeding. Say we get the "I'm sorry" speech. What happens next? Will have to do a D&C? Would it be better to wait? Still at this stage it would be quite a bit of bleeding I imagine, can something bad happen, like can I collapse? And what do you do with the embryo itself? I'm sorry for the gory questions, I suppose this is me being a scientist and dealing with the situation... If I do a D&C I think everything will go back to normal a bit quicker, I still would want to fully detox from the meds I'm on before going for another FET anyhow so I'm in no major rush, but still. I have read it can be weeks before it happens naturally if you wait. Not sure I want to go down that road (you know, I have things to do, places to be...).

Any advice would be very welcome I know many of my cyber friends are sadly very familiar with losses.

And it's just to be prepared. Just in case Phoenix will not surprise us (but he might!).

17 comments:

  1. My experience, fwiw: had a low (sub 90) hb at 8 weeks, and the MD wanted me to wait until there was fetal demise. That took five very long weeks and many u/s appointments. At the last u/s, I went in for the fastest D&C ever. They knocked me out, scraped me out, and I left feeling just fine. This way they could also do a genetic profile to see what the issue was (trisomy 7). Frankly the waiting sucked (vomiting, feeling like first trimester crap, etc.) but at least I KNEW what the outcome was going to be, and this was my second pregnancy, which also cushioned the blow (having a kid at home does make it a lot easier). At first I really just wanted to terminate so I could start over asap, but the day after that first u/s, I decided to be the best mother I could be to that little one, even if I was never going to hold her (it was a girl we later found out). I ended up getting pregnant afterward -- another girl! Couldn't believe my luck, as I thought I'd never have a girl. There's still a piece of my heart missing for the one I never held, but I was grateful that I did not have to make any difficult decisions.

    I am still holding out hope for Phoenix and keeping you in my thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Anon, it really helps. God, I feel for you, having to wait 5 weeks, pure torture. Hopefully it will be a clearer cut for us. Termination in not an option in Ireland and in fact I have to find out if there are labs that do genetic analysis on the embryo (not a given either!). Again, let's hope for the best.

      Delete
  2. Hi Fran
    I love the name Phoenix and the special meaning behind the name.
    You are in my thoughts constantly and I hope little phoenix stays and flourishes where he is. Hold on tight. Xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. For our pregnancy we had a heartbeat of 90bpm at 6w1d. I'm not sure how the baby was measuring up in size. At 6w6d the baby's heartbeat increased to 120bpm but it was still measuring at 6w1d. At our final ultrasound, which was 7w6d there was no heartbeat and our baby will still measuring at just 6w1d. Your situation sounds much more promising but I can completely understand your concern. I'm hoping he's just a slow grower and everything will turn out fine for you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Christa, I didn't remember your circumstances and I know it must be painful to recall that time. Big hugs!

      Delete
  4. Fran, so sorry you even have to ponder these things. I hope your bub is Phoenix by name AND by nature and that ultimately you won't need to consider the possible paths of loss.

    I don't blame you for not being to chuffed at the idea of a D&C (and, sheesh, let me reiterate...I so hope you don't have to consider ANY of it). I didn't want a D&C with my third loss, and so I took misoprostol to hurry things along. It was a "blighted ovum" but the gestational sac was continuing to grow (weirdest, eeriest thing). The misoprostol is not pleasant - it can give you really bad tummyache (and the runs). Also, it didn't work for me the first time (which was insult to injury). Anyway, the reason I'm explaining all this is by way of saying that it's hard to say what was down to the misoprostol and what was down to the actual loss. Bad cramping (quite bad) was the worst of it. At the end of the day, though, I was still glad to have gone that route, and to have miscarried in the comfort of my own home.

    As far as what to do with the embryo...people have different wishes. My gestational sac came out intact. Had we lived anywhere but in a concrete jungle I think I would have wanted to bury it. But we didn't, and so it went down the toilet:( (That still haunts me a bit to this day, to be honest...but I have to remind myself that there wasn't anything actually IN the sac).

    If you want to have it tested, you can retain it and give it for testing...I know several people who have done this. Though, the results are usually not as conclusive as after a D&c.

    And I'm sincerely hoping none of the above applies to your situation. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Adele, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me on this matter, I suspect I'll go for a D&C should that be the case, I want to have the embryo tested (not sure if it's possible in Ireland), your info really helped.

      Delete
  5. I love the name Phoenix, and what it means.

    I do not have hb stats to share with you...but I am hoping Phoenix will stay.

    If this can go either way, I wish it would go the right way.

    Please take care!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh Fran, I'm so sorry to hear about this uncertainty you're having to deal with. I do hope that your next scan shows things back on track. I'm not sure my experiences with D&Cs (2) fit with what you might have to contemplate. I was able to have a D&C at 6 weeks for a blighted ovum and, of course, terminate the Trisomy 18 pregnancy at 13 weeks (they told me at that time, the fetus might live for another week and a half at most, but we wanted it over with and that would have made it a 2nd trimester miscarriage with the greater risks that carried for my future fertility). I can't quite imagine having to wait around to miscarry naturally. But, I know that has been the choice of others.

    At any rate, I really hope none of this comes to pass and that you get better news at the next ultrasound.

    Take care!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hope, thank you so much, yes I think I will go for D&C should that be the case for us. Love, Fran

      Delete
  7. Fran, I love the name Phoenix. I wish I had some advice to give, but all I have is some love to send your way. Take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thinking of Phoenix and sending love. Yes, I know all about waiting when it comes to miscarriage. I have a special tab devoted to it on my blog. But I don't want to talk about that yet with you, Fran. I'm just sorry you are in this limbo.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Phoenix the Penguin in Limboland....
    My first loss was natural at 7 weeks. On the day of my first scan, so I don't know if there ever was a heartbeat. It was like a heavy period. Doctor could take something away (can't remember, part of the sac or so) so it would take less bleeding and it wasn't much indeed.
    (Isn't there less chance of scarring the natural way?)
    this second loss is more a vanishing than a physical loss, with its twin soldiering on....

    oh, how sometimes we wish we knew how it would go. And I understand the wanting to be prepared.(if only it would make a difference)

    But for now we are both pregnant at the same time, who would have thought. And long may it last.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sending you so much love, my friend!!! So sorry it's so uncertain. You are in my thoughts and hopes:)

    ReplyDelete
  11. As this is an FET, you may have better chances of miscarrying naturally if things don't turn out well (I totally get the need to be prepared for all eventualities). Your body is still highly dependent on hormonal support at this point to maintain the pregnancy, so if you stop that and see what happens, you may well miscarry on your own.
    I've had 3 losses. First the heartbeat was lost at 8.5 weeks after ups and downs with weird betas and good scans. I stopped my progesterone (it was a femara pregnancy with progesterone support) and quickly miscarried. Even at 8.5 weeks (baby was the right size), I don't recall things being particularly painful. I also don't think it was much more bleeding than my usual super heavy period days.
    Second loss was a chemical where I just kept right on bleeding.
    Third loss was a blighted ovum after FET. Once they finally let me stop my meds, AF arrived pretty quickly. The first morning I started to bleed, I painlessly passed what I thought looked like a gestational sac when I looked in the toilet bowl water. I was told it couldn't be tested by my RE, but I think that's more because it was a blighted ovum than because I miscarried on my own. Had there been a fetus there, that could have been tested for chromosomal abnormalities. Again, after passing the first clots (totally painless), it was not much worse than a heavy period.
    I certainly preferred to avoid a D&C if possible, as I know there are risks to one like uterine perforation leading to bleeding or infection, and the chance of scarring in the uterine cavity, which could make future pregnancy impossible (Asherman's syndrome). In your shoes, I would just stop the meds and give it a week or so before deciding to go for surgery, if I were to be told there was no heartbeat. Hopefully you won't have to make the choice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's true Kate, I didn't think about the meds, yes if thins is going to end bad I will have to see how I respond when meds are stopped!

      Delete

Thank you so much for stopping by, your comments warm my heart!