Friday, June 12, 2009

The day of others' BFP

One girl I know from a local forum was due to test today after her 3rd fresh ICSI cycle plus 2 more that got cancelled for various reasons. I was so hoping for her, I felt she had to start the ball of the PBFs rolling for this summer. And she did. She didn't test early, she was in fact very negative about the outcome, same symptomes as always etc. I am so happy for her.

Another girl, this one I know for real, also going through various cycles, one fresh and I think 3 more using her frozen eggs, after so much disappointment and only one chemical pregancy finally got her BFP today. I am so happy for her.

Then why is it that I feel sad? I know I am also tired which doesn't help, but I really am on the verge of tears...I think I'm afraid that it won't happen for me. Then I repeat to myself that we have the adoption card in anycase. And then I'm still sad. I tell myself that those girls have gone through hell and had a good few more cycles under their belt. That helps a bit. It is so difficult to be optimistic all the time and today I am not. But I'll be ok again tomorrow.

3 comments:

  1. I know this isn't rational, but sometimes I feel like there's a finite number of BFPs at any one time. And, when a fellow IFer gets one, there's one less out there. I'm extremely happy to see one of "ours" make it to the other side, but am sad for myself because I want it so much for me. KWIM?

    What I'm trying to say is that what you're feeling is completely normal and understandable. HUGS from Canada!

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  2. I know how you feel. No matter how MUCH happiness you have for them, there's still the thought of "why not me." Perfectly normal, but it always makes us feel selfish doesn't it? I hate that feeling, but it's there, and there's nothing we can do. Hang in there.

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  3. Aww, those days can be so hard to swallow. Sorry you're going through one today. When it happens to me, I opt for the good "ugly cry" (and sometimes a little chocolate!). I pray that tomorrow is a better day! You have a lot of exciting stuff to look forward to!!

    *Hugs*
    Cathy

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