I warn you, this post may be a bit confused(ing)!
In a chat with some friends of an Italian forum, we started expressing opinions on why people chose to adopt. A girl who has already adopted was adamant that it is foundamental to have overcome the grief of the lack of a biological child to be able to embrace adoption.
I am quite puzzled. I personally want to adopt no matter what. Of course I know that for some (many?) couple the possiblity to adopt a child is only explored when your own one doesn't come. But there are couple with children of their own wanting to adopt another one.
Am I seen differently because in fact it happens that we are infertile?
Apparently, some social workers want you to make a decision pretty quickly, it is either going to be IVF or adoption. I understand that if and when you are decleared suitable to adopt, all your energy must be focussed on getting the new chlild home and make him/her feel special, but is it wrong to keep pursuing the IVF route in the meantime?
Another girl on the same forum expressed her views and I suddently realised I felt the same way. She said she doesn't need to be called mum, but she needs to hug a child and give him/her all the love she's capable of.
8 comments:
Interesting post. I want to adopt too, regardless of whether we are able to get PG or not. I don't think IVF and adoption are incompatible. It's about giving a child a home with loving parents who wouldn't otherwise have one. Does that mean you can't pursue a biological child? I think the only factor that may enter into it all is cost - cost of adoption, cost of fertility treatment. But if you live somewhere where that's not so much of an issue because treatment is free or adoption is not expensive - then I don't see how it could be incompatible.
This is something my husband and I are facing right now. We're getting older and time is slipping by while we pursue a biological child. Ultimately we want to be parents, so I want to get the adoption process started. It can take a long time to be chosen for a child through adoption. If we've given ourselves 1 more year of fertility treatments and it takes 2 year to get a child I think it makes a lot of sense to start now.
What an interesting issue. We just finished our home study and the question about resolving our grief about infertility did come up. I don't think our agency would disallow IVF while waiting but they do stipulate that if you get pregnant while waiting they take you off the list and you have to wait until the child is at least one before you can go back on the list.
I agree that it doesn't have to be an either-or but it does have some caveats based on one's situation.
Happy ICLW and good luck!
I think adoption is a beautiful thing.
You should never have to make the choice to do one or the other.
If you are capable of adopting, and having IVF and ending up with 2 or more children.
Thats just more children to love.
Whats the harm in that?
Caragh
ICLW
I've always thought about adoption. But, I think that I need to see the IVF route to the end before I'm emotionally ready to jump into that. I think it takes a lot of strength and I can't focus on two things at once.
Interesting topic! IMO I don't think they are exclusive of each other, but I think the key part of your post is that the IF and/or adoption process is different for every couple. I personally had never considered adopting before IF (but maybe I would have later?) but I feel like I need to try every avenue for a bio child. If I am unable to get pregnant, then I feel like I would need to grieve that dream before creating a "new" dream of adopting a child. Sometimes I feel guilty that I view adoption as a "last resort" option, but I am where I am I guess...and trust that my heart will change as this journey unfolds. But based on what you wrote, I think you should go for it! :)
ICLW
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Such an interesting post. I honestly have never thought about that!
ICLW #31
Interesting post-I don't think they have to be exclusive of each other, but you definitely need to get to a place where a child you adopt is "your own", because once you adopt, they are "yours" in every sense of the word. Here from ICLW!
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