Saturday, January 2, 2010

2010

Really? Is it already the time for my new adventure? How did it happen? Rewind....

Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all my dear friends, I've been commenting a bit on your blogs whenever my sister was letting me using her laptop, but never really had enough time to post. 
We are still on the mountains but today was the last skiing day and with freezing temperatures and two million people queuing at the lifts we decided to call it a day a bit earlier. We go back to my parents place tomorrow and fly back to Dublin on monday. I can't believe this amazing break is over already!

So I have now a bit more on the IF front to share with you. I've been on the pill for nearly a week now, no side effect like water retention this time, but it could be also due to the activity and the cold temperatures. Anyway, I can't complain. Like the last time I've started having anxiety attacts (ie hypocondriac flashes) at night, where I wake up thinking I have the worse desease you can think of. In the morning, fully rational, I'm fine. Of course I know this happens to me every time I have something important to start and to much time in my hands, but still....it sucks. I found that while I am in bed awake sick with worries, I am able to go through the very basic techniques of meditation and relax a good bit until I fall asleep again. Any suggestion on this front is very much appreciated of course.

My last pill will be in just two weeks time and the baseline scan on the 21st! Brign it on, I'm ready! Or...am I? Like the last time I find it hard to put hope and energy into the upcoming cycle and I am debating what to do if it fails...thoughts at night are grey and I am worried that my tubes where the place my embryos liked to nest and won't like my uterus at all...or that I won't repond to stims this time or that hey will get very few eggs...there surely is a point when your age plays a role and I'm thinking that in my two fresh cycles I have given to IVF a total 25 eggs (but over 40 follicles!)...that's like...over three years of normal production, plus the months that I have ovulated anyway (thankfully I seem to have very normal cycles despite IVFs). I'm guessing that my ovaries have aged at least 4 years in the last 18 months...so technically they are now much older than me!! See? This is the kind of thing that scares the shit out of me. Than the rational me puts everything in perspective during the day.

I am also very curious to find out my protocol this time. Certainly I want to make sure my progesterone support will NOT include crin.one! I don't mind the PIOs really so I'll insist on those. Different year, different months, tubeless approach, come on, I need to know I have better chances this time, I think I'll call the Favourite Doctor next week!

18 comments:

  1. FINGERS CROSSED!!! Come on 2010!

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  2. My therapist suggests breathing deeply and concentrating on the breaths basically meditation. She, also, suggested laying my hands on my belly above my ovaries & friends and breathing deeply while sending good thoughts and vibrations to the area to help. I don't know if it will help you or not but it is the only suggestion I have at the moment. I've only occasionally been calm enough at night in my confusion/anxiety to try it so I'm not a good judge as to whether it works or not.
    I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation. It sounds like fun.

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  3. I have everything crossed for you girl. 2010 is going to be OUR year. I just know it. There is nowhere to go but up from here right? I know what you mean about being alone with your thoughts. It's a dangerous thing. We just have to be positive and keep our eyes on the prize.

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  4. Best wishes for both of us in 2010! May it be a blessed year !!
    I start my 1st ivf cycle in Jan.

    hisplannotmine.blogspot.com

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  5. How exciting. And scary. I can't do anything but keep my fingers tightly crossed for you and send you a big cyber hug!!

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  6. Wow, it's coming up quick!

    Hoping, wishing, and praying that 2010 is YOUR year!

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  7. Happy New Year!

    I definitely hear you on the energy for the next cycle. Not-trying is hard, but at least it's more of a steady-state emotional situation. I am not sure how I am going to gather the energy for the rollercoaster of emotions that come with a treatment cycle when we start again (also around the 21st of this month!).

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  8. Yup, really, it's January! Try not to feel too gray - your clinic has gotten to know you very well and I'm sure they will take good care to make sure everything goes just right. I am so hopeful for you! You are such a good and supportive friend, and so I KNOW you are going to be a great mom!

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  9. I have been thinking about you and will be here every step of the way. I can't wait for it to all start.

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  10. Sounds like you are handling everything relatively well.

    Wishing you a Happy, Healthy, and successfully Pregnant 2010!

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  11. Sorry to hear that you are having so many scary thoughts. Hope you are able to quiet your mind; I'll be thinking happy, stress free thoughts for you.

    I'm sure the clinic will work with you on the progesterone. They've been very accommodating with me.

    Wishing you the best in 2010!

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  12. First, Wishing You A Happy And Prosperous New Year !!! Yes...2010 will be OUR year... It will be filled with lots of baby dusting :-)
    Jan'10 is started for me with IUI Day # 2. Just crossed the fingers for next 2WW.

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  13. I really hope this is your year. Thanks for all the comments and in support in the last couple of months.

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  14. Happy New Year, Fran! Know that my good thoughts are with you for this upcoming cycle - and always!

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  15. wow, you're so close!!!!
    I was thinking of you last week. I just had an ectopic, and my doctor was saying that his perfect patient would be tubeless, so this wouldn't happen.
    hopefully this time, your embryos will have no other option but to make themselves comfortable in the right spot!
    i also don't want to believe that our ovaries age with the stims. I had the same concerns, of even having earlier menopause because of this, but the RE calmed me down some time ago. It seems we have more follicles to produce eggs that we'd need in our life span. In any case, best of luck to you and I'll be around to follow your adventures in 2010. May this be a good year for all of us.
    cheers

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  16. Absolutely Fran! 2010 is gonna do it!

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  17. It's natural to worry, but also remember to keep looking forward. Hugs. I'm so happy to see you start this path.

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  18. I think it's only natural to feel nervous and have some anxiety before a treatment. I'm praying for you my dear - this has to be it!

    xxx

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Thank you so much for stopping by, your comments warm my heart!