Monday, January 18, 2010


I heard on the radio that statistically, today, is the most depressing day of the year. Something to do with the third monday of January. I'm not sure if this is valid only for Ireland (I can't believe there would be many depressed people in New Zeland in the middle of the summer!) but certainly it was not an easy/good day for me.

I gave my first lecture at 9 which was no problem at all. I actually was in way ahead of time as I didn't want to take any chances with the traffic. I had a nice plan for my working day ahead and it was even sunny outside.

And then I checked my emails.

A friend of mine, from my home-town university, lost her husband over the weekend. She is only 3 years older than me and so was he. I cannot even imagine the despair and pain she must be in.
They got together in school and eventually got married probably less than ten years ago. He had suffered from leukemia when he was a teenager but overcame it with no reoccurance. She married him knowing that they will never have children and she just loved him so. Unfortunately, a part from infertility, one of the rare side effects of the drugs was to cause lung damage and he fell within that ridiculous statistic. I didn't know anything about this until I met my friend when I went to Italy in November. She told me that unfortunately her DH wasn't well and was now constantly walking around with a bottle of oxygen and in the National waiting list for a lung transplant. As his condition deteriorated before the Summer, he was bumped up the list and they were constantly waiting for the phone to ring. She was very positive and optimistic, I told her about my MIL and her kidney transplant over 20 years ago and how that did save her life and she is still doing well. I wished her all the very best and although we do not email eachother much we know we are in each other's thoughts for one reason or another (work, common friends etc.). I saw her again at Christmas, no news but still very positive and looking forward to the future.
So when I got the email from one of my colleagues in Italy my heart just sunk. Apparently he contracted pneumonia and with such a weak body there was nothing they could do.
The funeral was today. I cannot think of anything else. I wrote her a card which I'll put in the post tomorrow, but what can you say when someone's life just crashes to the ground in a million pieces?

And suddenly all that I'm doing to have a baby seems just so unnecessary.


  1. Hugs to you and to your friend. That is so sad. It makes all the cliches true about life being so short and learning to enjoy the time we have together.

  2. Oh, my. I am so sorry for your friend's loss. That's so sad. My thoughts and prayers are with her.

  3. What a terrible situation. I am so very sorry for your friend. Events such as these really put all our worries into perspective.. though your efforts to have a baby are no less valid, just put into perspective.... Sending hugs.

  4. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I lost a friend from college to something very similar. She never made it off the lung transplant list either. Awful. I often think of my friend and she reminds me that I do indeed have a lot to be thankful for.

    Take care.

  5. Thoughts and prayers for your friend at the loss of her DH.

  6. Your friend's loss is tragic and horrible, but it does not invalidate your efforts to have a child. I think it reinforces the idea that life is precious and we must all live each day to the fullest, making sure we do all that we want to do, be all that we can be, do everything in our power to make our dreams come true, and of course, be kind and gentle with others. Your sympathy care will mean a lot to your friend, and I'm sure your friend would want you to live your life to the fullest - including doing all that you can (or want to do) to be a mom.

  7. Oh Fran, I am so sorry to read of your friend's loss. ((Hugs)) to you. I know your care and concern for her will be of comfort during this really difficult time.

  8. I'm so sorry for your loss. When we lose someone so young and so unexpectedly it tends to bring a lot of things into focus for us. It really highlights the important things. I agree with a pp, while it's a horrible situation I don't think it makes your bid to have a child any less valid. Sending many hugs to you.

  9. Yes, that's so sad. It's like all the priorites re-order themselves like books on a shelf, when you hear news like that. Still, it's all relative - we all have the things we care about and worry about; trying for a baby is now less valid although bad news always provides perspective.

  10. A tragic loss for your friend, and a reminder to appreciate what one does have in life.
    That said, I find other people's struggles don't cancel the emotions I have about mine.


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