Thursday, August 9, 2012

FET day

And so today arrived. I got my usual call in the morning to make sure we were still alive and happy to progress with transfer. It was a new embryologist, I never met her before, somehow I was hoping that Ivy would have handled my embryos. But ah well. As always they have to tell you that they will defrost one at the time (in our case we wanted a single embryo transferred) and should the first one not survive they go ahead with the next one and so on. If I didn't hear anything then come to the clinic for 3.30. Transfer scheduled for 4.
I went on with my day and for 3.30 we were at the clinic. I was called almost immediately to the pre-transfer area and I kept drinking a bit as I usually pace myself not to be too full.
Here things started going not so well. Mike found a newspaper and just started reading it. So much for company and support. I had to tell him it wasn't very nice for me to watch him reading the newspaper. 4 came and went. By 4.20 I was literally in pain my bladder was bursting. I sent Mike to the nurses to see what the hold up was. Sorry we are a bit behind, she can use the toilet to relieve the pressure but it'll only be a few more minutes. So I waited. The usual theatre nurse came to get us, and brought us to theatre. She scanned me and my bladder was a balloon! I decided to pee a bit. By the time I came back I was again in pain. It was 4.45 by now. I had to go a second time. Furthermore, today there was the female boxing final at the Olympics and an Irish boxer was going for gold. At 4.45. Everyone seemed to care just about that. It really wasn't a nice feeling. Not only I couldn't give a shit about it, but boxing is my absolute least favourite sport. Anyway, the embryologist came in to tell us they only had to defrost one embryo, so we still have 4 in storage. This embryo by the time of the transfer had started to re-expand, so I think she was optimistic it has a chance. Me not so much. But I'm sure it's because of all the emotional surroundings of the day. When we transferred Oliver, by the time of transfer it had fully expanded and it looked like it had never been frozen. This one is definitely slower. The Fav Doc did the transfer, it was over very quickly and I was wheeled back to recovery room just in time so that Mike could rush out to see the end of the boxing. So there I was, bladder bursting and unable to get up from the bed. A nurse came in to say she just couldn't watch the match she felt so anxious and off she went again. Ireland got a gold medal, lots of cheers from the crowd outside my cubicle, the telly happened to be just outside. Mike came in for a second and off he went again. At this stage I was really getting upset. I had to call Mike to help me get up and finally pee. I had a knot in my throat and just wanted to go and pick up Oliver. Which I actually cannot lift now for a few days. Such an anticlimax. I sent Mike to get the nurse, I had enough. I had to listen for the 7th time to all the recommendations which always end in "stay positive, it can and it does work".
I am at home now, I won't be going into work tomorrow, not that I think bed rest is necessary at all, but I also don't think I have ever felt so negative about a cycle so soon to be honest. And sure I know even in the absence of an important sport final, doctors and nurses are just working, but it's just so much nicer when you think it actually matters to some one else other than you only. I also know my feelings are completely irrelevant to the outcome of this transfer, I won't feel guilty one bit for being upset. Mike specially really let me down, but I wonder why I keep getting surprised. You know I gave him a voucher gift last Christmas for an hour with a pilot in a flight simulator? It took ages to find it, I was so so happy I got that idea, I was sure he would have loved it, and maybe he did, but he actually has not done it yet. Why do I bother, seriously, is it me expecting too much?


  1. I'm so sorry that Mike let you down. It's hard not to have that support. I don't think you're expecting too much, but I do hope you talk with him.

    Congrats on getting the FET over with...I'll think positive thoughts for you. And, since Cadet is giggling at me as I am typing this, I'll assume that he's thinking good thoughts for you too!!!

    Big hugs, my friend!

  2. Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry that your FET day did not go as planned. Seriously, the staff should definitely have been more sensitive!

    And Mike... Oh Mike... Why are guys like this? They don't understand - at all - how important it is to act like they give a sh!t about you, or about the process, or just be a tiny bit sensitive! I'm so sorry that he sucked so much during this process. That is really the hardest part of it all.

    I agree with you - I don't think bedrest or thinking positively, or any of that crap, really have anything to do with the end result. But enjoy this calm time. You deserve a nice quiet day of peace. Thinking of you!!!

    And sending you, Oliver, and your newest little embryo lots of love! (Not Mike - I hope that's ok... :)

  3. Ugh sorry it was such a crappy experience but it's over and I'm hoping that little embryo is settling in for the next 9 months.

  4. While the experience wasn't pleasant, I pray that the outcome will be an amazing blessing! I hope you can get some rest tomorrow and hopefully Mike will wise up and show you some TLC. :)

  5. I am so sorry things were not as you might have expected. But the fact is, now you are PUPO and need to take care of yourself.
    Mike - well, was he any different before? I mean, he may just be different from you in that respect and expecting him to change and be like you is not realistic. People don't change. And it is good to be different, it makes for active interaction and strive for progress.
    Sure, a bit more attention to your stressed out wife during a FET would have been welcome, but sometimes men just don't see why we women worry so much (I say it is to compensate their lack of worries...).
    Take care, sweety, and praying for good news soon!

    1. You are right Mina, he has never been that different, but he never left me minutes after a procedure to watch a match! He is definitely not an emotional or particularly romantic guy (which is absolutely fine by me) but I really thought this time he had crossed the line. I had a post at some point in the past which was titled "Here I go again on my own" to describe the beginning of yet another FET. I realise the novelty wears out probably after the first time, still if we want to add to the family, for me it means several weeks of injections, pills and scans etc. Repeatedly. So when he asks me if after the transfer I'd be feeling ill (getting confused with retrieval) when we have done 6 transfers already, you can imagine that my blood starts to boil!

  6. I think what would have hurt me most was Mike's reaction to the whole thing. I'm sorry that he was not "present" and "with you" before, during and after the FET. Sometimes our men just don't get it.

    As for the FET itself, I'll be hoping and praying that that little embie is snuggling in for the long haul.

    Much love

  7. Yuck, sounds like it was a perfectly awful day and it just kept piling on. I hope things are better today and that you're enjoying a bit of rest (even though we all know the bedrest after transfer is a bunch of hooey, but it enjoy it nevertheless!)

    I don't know. I think I might write a letter to the clinic and point out that their single-minded attention on the olympic match was pretty unprofessional. I'm thinking there someone ought to get that feedback. And it might make you feel better?

    About the husband, well, I think I might take the opportunity to give him a little feedback too. If you didn't already ;-)

    Take care and hang in there!

    1. I was thinking about emailing the clinic about the experience. It just felt very unprofessional. So I did after reading your comment! I wrote a very simple, matter of fact email, I really like the clinic and I wouldn't change it, but still! I'll let you know if I get a reply, I know the main doc is on holidays till the end of August and as I used his address I may not hear for a while.

  8. Ugggh((( it sounds like a rough day. I am so sorry about the not-so-good experience and that you didn't get quite the right support. I will be staying positive for you and be thinking about that little expanding Embaby (do we have any nickname, yet?). Great thawing result! I am glad to hear they only had to take one out. Congrats on being PUPO! that is soo exciting!!!

  9. I'm so sorry, hon. All of this is hard enough with support and proper care, but the days when people - medical, husbands, whoever - don't/can't/won't give it to us just add insult to injury. I hope Penguin #2 is snuggling in nicely and that both the clinic and Mike so something to make up for what was lacking today. Sending love from afar.

  10. Did my comment not post? iPhone kills me . I had something witty to say about even if you don't feel this was auspicious that I would celebrate for you. Whee!

  11. Oh, I'm sorry you had just a bad experience on transfer day, but I hope it won't keep the little embie from finding a nice spot to nestle and grow, You're PUPO! Keeping my fingers crossed for you.


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