Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Miracles happen...

...to other people only.


I know most of you still were hopeful and I thank you for that. But I knew. I even dreamt of a negative pregnancy test last night and I told Mike this morning before testing. So we were both prepared. I think Mike can't believe that I have this sixth sense for many things that have to do with my body. Of course I'm not always right, but mostly I am.
Last night I had a good cry, with sobs and the whole lot while having a shower. I let it all out then and I was fine this morning when the test just confirmed my feelings. There's no hope i's going to become positive and if it does then it's even worse news.

I called the clinic to cancel my intralipid, I left a message to the nurses to see what I have to do with the meds, they'll call back.

I'll be booking a WTF review meeting on friday, when I'll call again. I am a bit hopeful now again that it may work next time. Out of 3 fresh cycle we got two pregnancies, a 100% success would be quite unlikely in any case, but we'll see what the doctor will say.
I have called the Adoption people to see where our application is at, I left a message, we'll see if they call back, certainly our file has not made its way to the Adoption Board yet but it's still with the HSE for assessment. How frustrating...

I also got some info through a local board about surrogacy, that may be an option but I'll have to check better, I have been fortunate that one girl is going through the surrogacy process at the moment and she' happy to share! So I'll call her his evening.
It makes me feel better to know that we may have options.

Also Mike is nearly giving in to get a pet!! Only concern is what do we do when we go on holidays...but I told him I need take care of something small...

43 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry :( I have no idea what it must feel like, but I am praying for you and your husband.

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  2. ((Hugs)) I'm so sorry. I was really hoping for you.
    Personally I think my dog,Othello, is what has kept me sane the past five years. I love having something to take care of even. For vacations we usually kennel them. It took a couple tries to find a place we love. We, also, tried having a dog walker come twice a day for one vacation and during a really long vacation to Scotland/England we had a college student I had know for years actually stay at our house with them. That worked the best in my opinion. It is harder with two. With one you can usually find someone to take it in while your gone. My hubby was not convinced about getting our first dog, Saphron, but he is the one completely wrapped around her paw.

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  3. Well, shit! I'm really sorry! I was so hoping this would be it for you :(

    Getting a pet is hard work, but very rewarding. Your life will never be the same again. And you won't want it to be (funny, that's what people say about kids).
    Friends and neighbors are usually our solution when we go on vacation, but as often as possible we bring our dog with us :)

    Great big hugs to you Fran!

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  4. I'm sorry Fran, I saw the title of your blog and immediately thought you had gotten a positive! I hope they have answers for you at the WTF appointment

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  5. Oh Fran, I'm so sorry. I know what you mean about miracles happening to other people. I'm right there with you. I didn't realize you were pursing adoption. Good for you for having more than one ball in the air. I'm excited for you on that front and the surrogacy.

    As for pets, I'm a big fan of cats! I'd like to get a dog as well, but so far I haven't had any luck convincing DH. Still working on it though...

    Take care. I've been thinking about you.

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  6. Oh dear Fran, I am so so sorry. My heart is aching for you and Mike right now. This is all so hard and unfair.

    When we go away, we leave our dog at dog camp - it is a place in the country without cages where the dogs sleep together on straw in a barn and run around and go for hikes and roll in the mud and swim in the pond. They take lots of photos and we can e-mail anytime we like. I feel better knowing he is having just as much fun as we are. During the workweek he goes to daycare 2-3 days and we have a dogwalker who comes in the middle of the day 2 days and takes him for off-leash walks in the park with a pack of dogs. He brings us so much joy, I feel it's the least we can do.

    Thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs.

    Love,
    Maddy

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  7. So sorry, Fran.

    When we go away for less than a week our cat is fine on her own. She demands a little extra loving when we get back, but otherwise it's as if we never left.

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  8. I'm sorry. I hate those effing tests with their glaring white paper:( I do think you're looking at it the right way, though. From a statistical standpoint 3 for 3 would have been, well...it would have been ace. I thought about you as we were turning in last night, hoping that I'd open such a different post. Hugs to you, Fran. There really is very little justice in this world.

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  9. I'm sorry it didn't work. It sounds like you are exploring all your options. I hope that you are able to find the perfect pet to add to your family. Thinking of you.

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  10. I'm so, so sorry that this time didn't work. It IS amazing that we can just "know" things sometimes. It all comes from being really in tune with our bodies. I'm glad that you are considering all of your options at this point and it seems like you have a foot in the door to all of them. Sending you hugs, dear.

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  11. Blah, I'm sorry that it didn't work out this time. I'm thinking of you and wishing the best for you and your husband.

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  12. Oh Fran, i was so excited when I saw your title, you fooled me! I am so very sorry, what a dissappointment. Impressive that you knew. I am so confused with my body these days I don't know what to believe anymore.

    We, like Maddy, use doggie camp when we go out of town. You pay a service they take super good care of them for you. They get feed time, play time, walk time, treat time and bed time. They eve provide a Pawgress report! So worth it.

    Lots of love and hugs my dear. xoxoxoxoxox

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  13. Fran, sending you the biggest hugs my friend. I am home tomorrow and will email you then. I am so sorry this sucks so bad, but you know I get it, unfortunately I get it way too well. We will be mommies this year I feel it. You and me girl! xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  14. Many (((HUGS))) to you. I am so sorry. When I saw the title of your post and the test...I thought for sure you had seen a faint line..I am so sorry...you know I want the best for you. It breaks my heart that you have to go through this. Through it all try to remain strong.

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  15. I am so very sorry Fran. I am impressed with your ability to cope, to get back up and keep moving forward. You are an amazing woman. Your strength and resolve are astounding.

    *big hugs*

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  16. I am so sorry, Fran! {{{HUGS}}}

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  17. Oh Fran, I am sorry. Big hugs to you and to Mike.

    I must agree with others, my dogs (we have three) have kept me sane. Our more recent two we adopted through rescue agencies and it has been such an amazing experience. I won't rattle on, but well worth it. And yes, lots of good options to give your pet care when you need to be away.

    Thinking about you.

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  18. Noooooo. Oh, Fran, I am so sorry. I want to scream at the universe that it's not fair!!! My heart is so sad for you. Yes, you should get a little pet while you wait for the next cycle. Something small and warm and sweet to hug and care for. Sending you gentle hugs.

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  19. I am so very sorry Fran. Even when you KNOW what the news is going to be, it still hurts. BTW, if you have any questions about surrogacy, Kym over at I'm A Smart One can tell you anything you need to know.

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  20. Hugs! I am sorry! I hurried to reader to find your post and was sad to learn your news.

    I am glad that you are moving forward reviewing all your options. I am thinking of you!

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  21. I am so sorry! I know how much this must hurt. I hope that you take care of yourself today.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  22. Oh Fran, I'm so sorry.

    Seeing that negative test made me feel as disappointed as if it were my own.

    Please know I'm thinking of you.

    Hugs.

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  23. I'm so sorry, Fran, that you didn't get your positive outcome. I think you are right to remain positive about your future chances. Hang in there!

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  24. Dammit!!!

    Fran, honey, I am SO SO SO frigging sorry. I'm thinking of you and praying for you guys for healing and peace.

    xxx

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  25. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take the pain away. Be kind to yourself.

    xxoo

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  26. No, no, NO!

    I'm SO sorry, Fran.

    Holding you and Mike close in my thoughts and prayers...

    ((HUGS))

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  27. oh no. i'm so sorry.

    i think a pet is a great idea. i've been bothering my DH for a dog for a long time. i will definitely keep pushing if i don't get a BFP one of these days.

    p.s. i nominated you for an award on my blog. check it out! maybe it will at least make you smile.

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  28. Oh Fran, I am so sorry and my heart is sad for you. Finding out that an IVF cycle didn't work is such an awful, empty feeling. I have no doubt, though, that you and your husband will press on and that you WILL be parents. Please know that I am thinking about you. Big (((HUGS)))

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  29. I am so sorry girl :-(. As far as pets go, I don't know where I would be without my kitties. They are such a source of comfort on my worst days. We have a litter made self cleaning litter box, an automatic dry food feeder and an auto waterer. We can leave them for 5-6 days alone and they are totally self sufficient. I also have 6 turtles and 26 koi which I call my IF pets. Every time I would have a loss I would get more. My husband drew the line at the 6th turtle though. He says since I am not Noah and I don't have an ark that there is no more room at the inn ;-).

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  30. Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs from afar. Ditto on the pet idea as long as it is fluffy and loves to cuddle :)

    Love, Cathy

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  31. *here from wishing for one's blog*
    I'm so sorry, love. I truly am. I wish I had the words to make you feel better. I do have A LOT of love being sent from Oregon to YOU!
    *HUGS*

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  32. I am so sorry Fran. I do hope your other half caves in on the pet. You can always find a sitter when you need to travel, or get one small enough that it can travel WITH you.

    ((hug))

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  33. So sorry about this cycle. I have had many of those good in-the-shower cries! Sometimes I wonder, why do I get so upset EVERY cycle? You would think that I would become desensitized to it after a while, but that's certainly not been the case. Each time it feels like a tiny loss, even though there was nothing there to begin with. Lots and lots of hugs!!

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  34. Premonition or no, this is so disappointing for you. :-(

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  35. I'm sorry this happened.

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