Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Thank you

I know you know this already but your comments are so soothing I do feel a bit better. I mean not that I feel I'm pregnant, I still think I'm not, but more at peace with the fact that I may not be pregnant.

I had another sleepless night, I fell asleep on the couch around 9.30, woke up for the PIO and estrogen and went straight to bed. I still woke up wide awake 5 hours later, that seems to be the sleep-span I get these days. And so being alone with your mind for 3 to 4 hours a night doesn't do me any good. You can imagine all the various scenario I played in my head and what we'll do next.

Is it time to give up? Will we try again? Is surrogacy really an option? Shall we just get a dog?

Anyway, you may be right that I'm protecting myself at the moment, so that I want be too upset tomorrow if the test is negative. I know already the clinic will tell me that the test day is not until the 20th, but come on...tomorrow is 9dp5dt or 14DPO if it's negative that's it. I don't want to spend another 260 euro on an intralipid (which by the way, I thought I should have done last friday, but this is another story), I'll save it for the next step, whatever that will be.
Again thank you for your continuous support, this community is a blessing.

15 comments:

  1. Fran, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but short of being able to see into the future I can't think of anything. I want this to be it for you, I really hope you'll get that much longed for child this time. So I keep my fingers crossed. And toes.

    Lots of big hugs!

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  2. Fran, it breaks my heart that you're struggling so much. I'm still hoping and praying for you. I definitely think you should test tomorrow. I never understood why our clinic tests so late. I had to fight with one of the nurses to get a beta drawn. Certainly not the added stress we need during that time.

    Take care of yourself!!!

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  3. Waiting is always the hardest part. But you know your body better than anyone else. I totally hear you about protecting yourself against the bad news that may come. It's like a mind trick we all play.

    Regardless, I will be praying for you.

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  4. This pisses me off, Fran. I hate that this isnt easy (for any of us) but you have had so much sorrow and I want this happiness for you. It just breaks my heart.

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  5. I've still got my fingers crossed. It isn't over yet.

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  6. You should definitely test tomorrow. There is only so much waiting a heart can take. I've thought of you so often, about how unfair this whole thing is, how much you deserve to be happily surprised tomorrow. I'm still holding out hope for that scenario (though I do know how important it is to think in terms of what if). This road is terrible. Worse, it's pointless, at least in my book. But I think past history can often be so misleading in terms of assessing the future. I hope so.

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  7. Fran, you remain in my thoughts and I'm sorry you're struggling. Please know that I am holding on to hope and am here no matter what.

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  8. I hate sleepless nights...they are horrible!! I hope you get some sleep soon, as that always helps to create a positive frame of mind.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  9. Oh Fran my dear. I so get it, you know that. I am waiting too as you know and I am not sure what is up??? We are still in Dahab, should I test tomorrow too? I mean if its neg thats it? Like if neg tomorrow no way it could turn out to be positive Sunday? You'd think I'd know but I don't. This IF is a bitch and I wish it were easier for us, but its not is it? I am still holding out hope for you, for me for all of us. Please take good care and God Willing tomorrow will bring something good. xoxoxo

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  10. Fran, I'm sending as many good thoughts your way for your test tomorrow. 14DPO is good enough for most urine tests so it should darn well be good enough for a beta!

    My friend gave me a tip for getting to sleep when it's difficult. Build something in your mind - like your attic reno or a cottage or a golf course. Be as intricate as possible e.g. colours of the bricks, the boards in the floor etc. Soon, your mind will send you off to sleep.

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  11. Thinking of you sweety. Tomorrow will be a big day. xoxoxoxoxox

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  12. I am still praying for a miracle for you! Thinking of you my dear!

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  13. the wait is sooo difficult. i know exactly where you are and there is nothing good about being in that space. sending you good thoughts and right there beside you.

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  14. I think you might be pleasantly surprised today. Thinking of you and praying for you.

    xxx

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  15. I'm hoping for good news too.

    I always tested on beta-day, because I couldn't bear waiting all day to finally find out.
    So why not a day early?

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Thank you so much for stopping by, your comments warm my heart!