As the day progressed yesterday, all my positive mood faded away quite quickly. I don't think I'm pregnant, I don't feel anything a part from some bloating after I eat something. I know I am tired because I wake up every night at 4.06 am and lie awake for 2 hours before falling back to sleep for 10 minutes before the alarm goes off for the progesterone. Who wouldn't be?
I told Mike last night I didn't feel too good any more about this cycle, of course he was adorable but I could see the sadness in his eyes.
I think my uterus is just not capable of pregnancies. I got pregnant twice in my life, both times it was ectopic, of course the embryos are fine and strong, it's not them it's me. I'm desperately trying to find out if there is an expert in ectopic pregnancies I can contact and I have sent a couple of emails, we'll see.
So what do we do if this is a real failure?
Sure we have a penguin, but obviously if the problem is my uterus what's the point? A part from the heart-break of another 2ww I'm not sure it'll be worth it. I'm not sure I can ever have a normal pregnancy.
I could have more surgery, to remove the fibroid (never thought to be a problem) and properly remove the stumps of the tubes. I think in that case a higher transfer could be made with minimal risk of ectopic.
Surrogacy is also what I'm looking into at the moment. In Ireland the law seems to be very unclear, apparently my clinic is listed as one of the two that does surrogacy I will ask next time I call. We could go abroad also but major restrictions are in place in many Countries on non-residents and surrogacy there. If you guys have any knowledge please share, I need something to hang on to.
Test day still on wednesday. No spotting, cramping on and off as usual.