Thursday, July 9, 2009

But where is my enthusiasm?

Baseline scan today. I had a new nurse, she was lovely and supervised (must have been the first scan she was doing). Thankfully (for both of us) all my bits are where they are supposed to be, so easy to find and to measure. All good to go, thin endometrium, quiet ovaries. Blood tests done also to check if me or Mike have got HIV in the last year...I know it's procedure but honestly it's quite heavy on the pockets to have to do this every time you cycle.
This time around they'll do a blood test at every scan to monitor E2. I said I'm glad to hear this, I know plenty of clinics do this and I was surprised here it wasn't done. I also said very clearly that I didn't want to take chances on this cycle of hyperstimulation, cancelling the cycle woudl be bad enough without getting any of the money back! She said they'l monitor me very closely.
Then she went through the meds...dear God...between the steroids, the heparine, the luveris, the puregon, the high strength folic acid and the vitamine B to help absorbing it I'll be like a walking clinic...and wait until we add the orgalutran for suppression. I have to say I didn't take it too well. Of course I knew this time around the "threw the proverbial kitchen sink at me" but it was still quite shocking. Even Mike flinched at the sight of all the injections and drugs I'll be on this time around.
On the way out Mike asked me "Aren't you happy?" I said I'm never happy to stuff myself with hormones, specially if it'll be just a big waste of time...
oh girls, I just don't know where to find a bit of enthusiasm to approach this cycle. I know how important it is to be positive and feel optimistic about it but I just don't seem to have it in me. Maybe I've given in to the fear that we'll never be parents of a bio-baby and I'm doing this just so that I can say I've done it again. Hopefully when the steroids will kick in tomorrow I'll feel a bit better, but I need all the help I can get this time around.

6 comments:

  1. Hi Fran just checking in to say I truly believe this will be it for you. You can get pregnant and will get pregnant this cycle and have a gorgeous Irish/Italian baby in 10 months. I know how overwhelming it is facing into a new cycle and how at the outset of the cycle, it all seems too much to bear (particularly when we have been through this before) but BELIEVE. You CAN and WILL do this. Thinking of you and hang in there xxxx

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  2. I am so glad they will be checking your E2 this time...I can't believe they are making y'all redo your HIV screening...(trying to get more money)

    I am praying this new plan works and you get your sticky BFP

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  3. I'm glad they threw the lot at you. It means they're really trying to get you pregnant.

    After over 2 years of dealing with this stuff, I don't believe that a positive attitude makes the difference. If I had the power to think myself pregnant I would have a couple kids by now.

    I think you're just protecting yourself and underneath it all you're still hopeful. That will be enough until you're ready to be positive.

    Big hugs!!!

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  4. I know it's hard, but you're doing great! You've been so supportive on my blog, and I know you can get through this difficult period. And be kind to yourself. This isn't easy, so take it slowly and remember to reward yourself along the way.

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  5. Hi Fran, Wishing you well for this cycle. The amount of stuff you have to take sounds overwhelming and that's probably what's killing your enthusiasm. But it will all be worth it when you get the news you deserve. Im sure the enthusiasm will kick in once you get the fertilization report! Thanks for your kind words on my blog... I wondered if I could email you with some questions I have about my last IUI as they did some things I thought were totally illogical and you might be able to shed some light on it for me. If that's okay you can find me at claralouisa@hotmail.com

    Hugs.

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  6. Darn those drugs for pulling our Fran down! Perfectly normal to feel uneasy about it all. I just want to pass along a little something that God told me yesterday, as I was reflecting on our cycle and the fact that we just paid tons out of pocket.

    He told me this: Be thankful for your life, for the ways that I have provided.

    It really hit home with me. You see, we could be poor, or totally in debt. Fortunately, we are not. He has provided a wonderful life and great jobs which have given us the chance to save up some money. While we never thought we'd "give it away" for IVF, I am glad that we were able to. Glad that we had the money to do so. I'm sure many people aren't as fortunate. So, while it stinks my insurance doesn't cover it and it stinks all of the crap we'll have to go through this next month, I am so very thankful that I will be able to go through it all. Just to have the mere chance to be a mommy.

    Just wanted to share. I know that doesn't take away the stress of thinking what meds can possibly do on a body, but I am praying that your body cooperates and that they are as good to you as possible throughout your cycle.

    Lots of love!
    Cathy

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Thank you so much for stopping by, your comments warm my heart!