Thursday, August 6, 2009

Nearly there

Today I feel a bit fearful...I've made it to 9dp5dt which would be 14DPO and I still have two days to go before testing. I'm worried that all my positivity this time around will come back to bite me right in the ass...I'm worried that I'll start bleeding before testing (that'll break my heart no end) and overall I'm worried it hasn't worked. I had a good night sleep last night, actually I couldn't get out of bed this morning and I'm still very tired, I could go back to bed right now in fact.

This evening I'll buy a dual pack of HPT and then we have them in the house...two more sleeps...saturday is coming so fast and I kind of don't want it to happen, I want to stay in this limbo of not knowing and keep dreaming about these two beautiful babies we'll have. I have this vivid image of two cots in our bedroom and I don't want to wake up from this dream.

Before testing on saturday we'll have to chat about what we'll do if it's BFN. We just have to have the conversation, I know I have to have a back up plan. Right now I'm thinking we'll go for a proper review with the doctor (not phone review, a face to face one) and take it from there. If it hasn't worked out maybe there's some issues with our embryos...maybe we should look into embryo adoption (my eggs seem to be fine, Mike's swimmers a part from being a bt slow and not too many look normal). I have lots of thoughts in my head right now and they are confusing me.

On the plus side, we are going to a fancy dress party on saturday night and I haven't picked a costume yet. So I'll browse the web now to see if something inspires me and possibly distracts me a bit too.

11 comments:

  1. Oh, it's so hard, it's so hard, it's so hard! As I was reading your post, I was thinking about how crazy I would feel. You seem very calm, all things considered! I think it's great to talk about a back-up plan, but I am hoping with all my might that you won't need it. And this mama-in-training says, if you feel like going back to bed, do it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Girl...come on and test!!

    You are a strong one. 14dpo!! I would have tested two days ago. But I admire your strength. You are going to see two lines and I can't wait. You better post early Saturday morning. (wink)

    I know that this is it for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can't believe you haven't tested yet!!! You are in my prayers. I hope this cycle is IT for you!!! Good luck. Good luck. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I know how tough this time is and completely relate to the comfort of being in limbo. Try not to pee on anything until Saturday and I'll keep you in my thoughts.

    Oh, and let us know what you decide to dress as for your party.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The terrible ups and downs of the wait! Especially as it gets closer and closer to testing day. I'm thinking of you every minute! I wonder whether you'll use the HPT at 4 am on Saturday? Then you can shake Mike out of bed to give him the good BFP news (actually, I recommend jumping on the bed while he sleeps - he'll wake more quickly this way). I'm going to stay positive that this time it is going to work!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes, I did! :) I am holding my breath for you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh honey I feel for you! This is most difficult time - but kudos to you for not testing yet. I truly hope you get the great news you deserve. Thinking of you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Girl, You better test!! :) Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  9. You are so strong and brave! I hope this cycle is it for you.

    Love and prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  10. it is maddening, right before the testing. Like you I didn't want to do a HPT, i preferred to hold on to the dream.
    You seem well grounded in that you are talking to your husband about what to do in the case of a negative... That is very strong of you.
    but for now, let's keep holding the dream of the two cots in your bedroom :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm so hoping that you have a positive result this weekend.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for stopping by, your comments warm my heart!