Saturday, August 15, 2009

Numb

Yesterday when I got home around 6pm I started bleeding. A lot. I called the clinic and left a message. Then I called the hospital where I went for the ectopic and where I had my ealry scan booked. I spoke to a nasty midwife I suppose who was very dismissive, she said I could go in, but noone will give me a scan, it's too early, they'll either admit me to the gyn ward or send me back home. I insisted a bit and she snapped back "are you telling me how to do my job?" what's the point...I was in tears anyway. I called another hospital, a private one, but again they would have been able to see me only this morning. Tried another maternity hospital, they were much nicer told me to go in immediately and that definitely they would scan me.
So we went in. I even POAS to see if it was still positive and the control line was barely visible in comparison with the test line, meaning HCG hadn't dropped from Tuesday.

And then they scanned me. Nothing in the uterus. I was numb. Couldn't move, talk or cry. Again. It's happenin again. But I have no pain, no cramps, nothing. Just bleeding. They took my blood but because it's the weekend they'll process it on monday. This is Ireland. I have to go in again tomorrow for another blood test and see what's going on. We went back home in total silence. We both had tears streaming down the face.

At home there were 5 messages from the clinic, two doctors had called and my favourite one said to call back on her mobile at any time. Mike called her. She said not to stop the meds at all and that it wouldn't be the first time that a hospital doesn't see a sac at 5 weeks. To go into the clinic on monday morning and she'll do the scan. She said my hcg were good, this can't be happening. I'm glad at least she is still hopeful. I don't want to be, I simply cannot take it. I'll be resting for the full weekend, bleeding has stopped now, just old brown stuff.

Mam is flying over today, I know she has to see me, the distance is a killer when one of us is not well. I want to thank you all for your support and prayers. I don't know what else to say...

23 comments:

  1. Fran, I wish more than anything that this did not happen to you. That you never saw a spot of blood, that you didn't have to shed a tear. That your heart did not feel this panic.

    But, oh, sweetie, I am SO hopeful that everything is going to be okay because of three really positive things:
    (1) You have no cramping! With both of my miscarriages I felt AF type cramps. For your body to expel the baby, your uterus will have to cramp.
    (2) The bleeding stopped! Brown residue means you are most likely not actively bleeding. Several first trimester women have occasional bleeding and the baby is just fine.
    (3) Five weeks is early to be able to see the baby on scan! I had my first internal ultrasound at 6w4d and remember, it was the tiniest little square? If the equipment had been old, we probably wouldn't have seen it at all.

    I know Monday seems forever away, but honestly, I think it will be okay. You definitely rest - GO LIE DOWN! - this weekend and I'll be thinking of you, Mike and your little one. Tutto va bene.

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  2. Darling Fran,

    Please know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.

    ((HUGE HUGS))

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  3. I hope and pray that everything is fine, and that the scan reveals a beautiful sac on Monday. Best wishes and prayers.

    *BIG hugs*

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  4. Fran, I'm so sorry. I hope your favorite doctor is right.

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  5. I hope that everything is OK...I'll be checking tomorrow for an update.

    Prayers are being said for you!

    ((HUGS))

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  6. Oh Fran! I am so sorry you are going through this - physically and emotionally. Since I cannot speak from experience here, I am so glad others are posting the positives to be focused on. I'll be praying for you and your little one today.

    Cathy

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  7. I am keeping you in my prayers. How scary!

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  8. Fran, I'm hoping and praying that this is not what you think it is. I cannot imagine the pain in your heart right now.

    YOu're in my thougths and prayers.

    xxx

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  9. Fran I am hoping and praying all is ok and tomorrows scan will show a beautiful sac just where it should be. Thinking of you honey. xxx
    Scraps

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  10. Oh you poor dear! What an awful ordeal you have been going through this weekend! I am praying my hardest that all is well - and I agree with Best When Used By and your lovely doctor that things are just fine and that the bleeding is normal (my acupuncturist says so!!) and that it's just too early to see your little one. Glad you are resting...Keep breathing! XOXO

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  11. Fran, OMG. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is too early for some equipment to pick up the sac on u/s. You have no cramping, right?? Your test is still dark...so dark that the control line is almost gone. Lord, this just can't be an ectopic....It just can't be. I am still holding faith that it was just too soon to see anything on that particular machine. I know nothing we say will ease your mind...Please know that we are praying for you. This is just the devil trying to steal your joy. Get plenty of rest and drink a lot of water.

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  12. Fingers crossed that everything will work out. Sounds bloody awful. Hope your RE's scanner is way better than the hospital's, and is able to give you reassurance.

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  13. Oh honey... I am praying for you! I am hoping as your favorite nurse/doctor mentioned, the hospital u/s was just not able to see it this early. Good luck at your RE! This has to work for you!! Love, BB {HUGS}

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  14. I agree entirely with Best When Used By...On both of my mc's I had very strong af type cramps and once the bleeding started it didn't stop. So that is a very positive sign! I have heard of many women who have spotted their entire pregnancy. I've also spotted quite regularly through mine.

    I have three words I keep repeating, "Oh Lord, please." He knows I am pleading for you.

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  15. I'm so sorry, like everyone else, I am holding out hope that the bleeding is normal and it is just too early for the ultrasound. I know how scared you are, but we are all pulling for you.

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  16. I have been thinking of you all morning... hope things have been well!

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  17. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know how scary it is! I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that this turns out better then you think!

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  18. You are in my thoughts. I'm sorry you've had to go through this. I've been there and I understand how painful this is. I'm so so sorry. You're in my thoughts.

    LFCA

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  19. From LFCA... Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for good news.

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  20. I am so sorry. I hope the scan brings amazingly good news!! ((HUGS))

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  21. Sending you lots of strength and hope for a good scan today. So sorry you are going through this horrible experience. Saying prayers for you and DH and the LO. Hugs! :)

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  22. Sending you love and light. xoxo

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  23. I am so sorry you're going through this and that you were treated so dismissively (and with an ectopic in your past... shame on them!).

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Thank you so much for stopping by, your comments warm my heart!