A new chapter

Today I feel I finally turned the page. I hope it's not just a good day but the beginning of the rest of our lives. The sadness that was so overwhelming over the weekend and yesterday too has lifted. Lifted! It has been only a few days and I'm ready to move on. This doesn't mean forgetting what happened, we'll always have Nathan Jr. in our hearts. But my hormones must be getting back to normal, I got a full on AF which helped me seeing the end of this episode in our life. I'll be clean soon and today I feel we will get pregnant again. When? Well, that's a matter for another day, but while more often than not until yesterday I was feeling doubtful..."what ifs" storming my brain and all that, today I know we are not doomed at all, I can get pregant, it has just been terrible terrible luck. I WILL get pregnant again.

I don't want to forget that I have also been very very lucky in my life. Sometimes when bad things happen you feel like everthing around you sucks, but that's definitely not true and it's important to take a step back and see all the good things that surround you. So here it goes.

I am so grateful for having Mike by my side. Yesterday he came home earlier and said he may take time off on Wednesday so that he can bring me to a pub I always wanted to go to and never been! He said "so at least you will not say anymore 'you never brought me there!'"

I am also so grateful for my lovely family and friends (real and cyber) who have been so very supportive all along. My sister is flying to Austin tomorrow from NY for a few days, I actually quite sorry that the timing didn't work out with all this mess for me to go and visit her in the States. But she'll come here in September so that's real soon!

I have a great job to which I'm going back tomorrow, I feel physically fine and even though I'll be in only for a few hours (we're going to The Pub!) I have to get back into the working routine, teaching will resume in a couple of weeks! Imagine, I didn't have to say anything to anybody for taking time off, I have a medical certificate which I'll bring in of course but I could have done without. My research group is basically running itself and a few people are on hols at the moment so it's not like I've been missing at a very important time. Only one girl in the group knows about what we have gone through, I think there is no point of upsettign everyone else. They all know Mike as well and when it happen last year, after a few days of mistery absence on my side, Mike went in to the lab and told them what had happened to me. They were in tears for us. They sent me a huge bounch of flowers which lasted for weeks, but then when I went back it was a bit akward, they didn't know what to say (and what do you say anyway?) so I think this time the "injured back official line" will stay.

And now some more good news. The Favourite Doctor called me today, apologysing for not having called yesterday!! Amazing. She was so so optimistic, she gave me a date for a face-to-face special appointment with the Super Head Doctor in the clinic to have a plan in place for when we are ready. And that's going to be on the 8th of September!! So soon!! They created a slot for us! Either the Fav Doc or the Super Doc will contact the consultant at the hospital to have a full report on her findings. The Fav Doc agrees definitely on resolving the issues with the tubes, no point in chancing another EP, so I believe that's the first thing that will have to happen as soon as I'm ready (maybe a month? two?). She said "We don't have a problem in getting you pregnant, the problem was where the embryos decided to stick! We'll get you pregnant again and with a baby or two at the end of it". Ahhh isn't she lovely? That's what I needed to hear.

I also want to detox myself properly and get to our next cycle in perfect shape. So we'll go back swimming (ok, I'll wait until the stitches come off!!), Wii-fitting and to the health shop for some miracle juice to clean the liver!

And we are obviously going skiing again this year so I contacted our hotel to check for available dates around New Year!

Yes, I'm back living and it feels good.

One last thing needs to be done.

Goodbye Nathan, for some reason we couldn't have you and I love to think of you like a shooting star. We loved you but with broken hearts we had to say goodbye, yet again. We have two shooting stars now. Our next one will come to stay.